Upstanding citizen Richie Sambora was charged with DUI after being pulled over last night in LA and failing multiple field sobriety tests. But it gets better: Sources say 10-year-old Ava, Richie's daughter with Heather Locklear, was in the car at the time — therefore Richie could possibly face child endangerment charges.

Between a drunk driver and a potential suicide case, Ava should just get a new set of parents.

• The Johnny Depp wax figure is pretty spot-on, but the Keira Knightly one is way off. Don't they know her jaw is more epic than that? [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Jeff Goldblum skews young, and apparently skeletal, with Nicole Richie. [WWTDD]

• Jessica Simpson and Zach Braff? Indie girls everywhere die a slow death at the concept of their leader pursuing the cheerleader they could never be. [Perez Hilton]

• Heather Locklear can't learn from her own mistakes, replaces ex-husband Richie Sambora tattoo with very new boyfriend David Spade-based tat. Genius. [Popbytes]

• The Emmy nominations are out, and apparently cancellation is the new key to success. [PopWatch]

• Please start calling Lindsay Lohan by her Kaballah name: Rose. As pure and gentle as she is. [Velvet Hot Tub]

Listen, guys, Denise Richards is totally not a horrible bitch. She didn't mean to go for her best friend's husband right after they split. She wasn't even best friends with Heather Locklear, just, like, really good friends for the past few years. And, and, Shut the fuck up, Richards, you're just making things worse. Someone get this fucktard a publicist so she stops talking to the press and further destroying her reputation. This weekend after her performance at the Pussycat Dolls Lounge anniversary, she sat around looking vacant (above) and ran her mouth about her relationship with Richie Sambora. People has the story:

"The thing with Heather, that's been hard," she tells Entertainment Tonight in an interview airing Monday night. "You know you can't help who you fall for and that friendship, unfortunately, was done and wasn't salvageable."
…
In the interview, she insists that her relationship with Sambora, 46, which began shortly after Locklear filed for divorce from the Bon Jovi guitarist, was "the last thing I was looking for," adding, "it's true when they say things happen when you least expect it."

In terms of her relationship with Locklear, Richards says they were never "best friends" as has been reported. "People have gone on – 'Would you date your best friend('s husband)?' " she says. "You know, she wasn't my best friend. She was a close friend in the last couple of years. I hadn't known her my whole life (like) people (are) portraying this."

Still, Richards admits, "(It's) been tough having people think that I'm such a crappy friend."

She also insists that Sambora and Locklear's marriage was over – as was her own union with Charlie Sheen – before she and Sambora got together. "We didn't meddle in marriages and anything like that."

See, Denise, it's not that everyone thinks you're a crappy friend, everyone knows you're a crappy friend. I'm also not sure how exactly she and Sambora didn't 'meddle in marriages' seeing as neither couple is technically divorced yet. I am splitting hairs here, but it sounds like she is one delusional tramp-tramp. Maybe she is just taking a page from the Bill Clinton Book of Romantic Ambiguity–you say 'extramarital sexual relations,' I say 'harmless BJ in the Oval Office,' you say 'home wrecker,' I say 'stumbling across my soul mate in my good friend's bed.'

[Source]

• The Incredible Morphing Ashlee Simpson, now with 200% more collagen-y lips. [PopSugar]

• Angelina is already making big plans for Shiloh, buy buying her domain ShilohNouvelJolie-Pitt.com. i hope she'll be blogging by three. [ReveNews]

• MTV's giftbag to end all giftbags is full of worthless crap. No wonder the Oscars still mean something. [Jossip]

• Richie Sambora knows he's got a non-discerning baby-making machine in Denise Richards, and he's not letting her go. [Popbytes]

• Paris Hilton maintains the incredible ability to never, ever feel ashamed of herself. Despite everyone's constant yelling at her to shut up and put on some clothes. [WWTDD]

• Star Wars geeks and good Jewish boys alike pray to their respective gods that Natalie Portman actually gets naked in an upcoming movie. [Egotastic]

• Okay, lets not even joke about the Brangelina baby being ugly. It's not funny. You hear me? Not. Funny. [Gallery of the Absurd]

• Adrianne Curry may be hot and kinky, but she's also whiney and needy. I give it a year before Greg Brady, or Christopher Knight, whatever, bails. [Bastardly]

• Kirsten Dunst in a bikini; pretty hot, but I’m fairly sure that she is so pale she’s translucent. [Egotastic]

• Judging from Brad and Angelina’s fish dinner on Saturday night, she wasn’t in labor then. And since all the labor stories are lies, she’s probably still not now. [JustJared]

• Fran Drescher for congresswoman! Nope, apparently she’s not joking. [CityRag]

• A womb grows in Cannes. I’m talking about Maggie Gyllenhaal, but I’m sure she’s not the only one. [PopSugar]

• Denise Richards and Richie Sambora frolic in Italy dreaming of Charlie Sheen’s pension money. [A Socialite’s Life]

• Blasting “pavorattis” in a crappy video game is probably the only time Kevin Federline will kill with his rhymes. [Best Week Ever]

• In honor of tonight's American Idol finale part one, here is an interview with Rhonetta Johnson, the craziest bitch Idol has ever seen. [Glitterati Gossip]