There's no amount of money in the world that would make us sit through the American Music Awards (OK, that's not entirely accurate), so instead of a write-up of the snooze-fest, here's an exhaustive collection of photos. From the looks of things, Miley Cyrus once again made the entire event all about her (and her 16th birthday, which she's been celebrating for the past few months). Surprise, surprise.

Click through for more photos than your little mouse can click.

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Just when you start to feel sorry for motherless Kanye West, he has to go off on another one of his deranged tangents about things of no importance whatsoever. This time around, his anger is directed at the MTV Video Music Awards — one of the most legitimate and respected musical events of the year. Except, you know, not.

You see, Kanye thinks these awards shows — both in America and Europe — are "fixed," and he's not OK with the winners of this year's crop:

Britney Spears over Rihanna? Are you serious? I mean f—ing Jared Leto? He's my boy but he shouldn't have won over some of those other artists. I won nothing last year and I'd brought out 'Stronger.' Then this year, just because I was there, I won best urban act. This was Lil Wayne's year.

Yeah, imbeciles! You don't have any respect for the sacred MTV VMAs. Lil Wayne should have won, after all those times he walked through the airport with ice on his knees and his pants around his ankles. That takes dedication! Sheesh, effing squid brains.

[Source]

After 80 years of selling garbage adorned with the characters of a viciously anti-Semitic cartoonist, the Walt Disney Company has arrived at a conclusion: sticky kids and country folk in Donald Duck t-shirts don't have lots of money for the taking, elitists do. And elitists don't like their overpriced, useless crap to be covered with Goofys. Move over, Vera Wang, and say hello to Disney Couture!

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ANNOYING D-BAGS DOING GOOD THINGS "With a little help from his friends, Justin Timberlake put [$1 million] in the pockets of Shriners' Hospitals for Children, an organization that provides medical care for kids in need. And what good friends: the Jonas Brothers, Rihanna, 50 Cent, Leona Lewis, Adam Levine, Lionel Richie and Boyz II Men joined the "Sexy Back" star in Las Vegas, where Timberlake, 27, hosted a weeklong pro-celeb golf tournament, capped off by a charity concert and afterparty."

[Source]

Lil' Wayne, who gave one of the more memorable VMA performances this weekend thanks to his inability to keep his pants on, seems to be quite the diva: The troubled rapper, who has a history of run-ins with the law that doesn't quite rival that of DMX, reportedly refused to take the stage at Friday night's "Fashion Rocks" event because he didn't want his bag checked by security. So he bailed, which then led to him changing his mind and being a pain in the ass for the rest of the night.

Click through for the full entertaining story, as told by a senior production staffer.

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We can only hope that after this photo was taken Britney Spears told the Jonas Brothers to run for their lives. If there's anything interesting about the VMAs, it's the interactions behind the scenes between stars who would normally never speak to each other. For more audience and backstage photos, click through.

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• Great moments from the 2008 Olympics. [CityRag]

• Paula Abdul totally hates the new American Idol judge. [INO]

• The greatest love of Brad Pitt's life: George Clooney. [PS]

• Rihanna and Chris Brown are moving in together. We're going to continue not caring. [DListed]

• Pete Doherty desperately tries to stay in the spotlight by selling out Kate Moss and Amy Winehouse. [Yeeeah]

• Jennifer Aniston is sporting a new ring. OMG! Alert the media! [ICYDK]

Rihanna stepped out in her finest Look At Me! shoes for a day of shopping on Melrose Avenue, because her "secret" relationship with Chris Brown is no longer discussion-worthy. How much did you pay for those, Ri? Cause if we're talking anything more than $10, you got taken for a ride.

[Source]

• The Katie Holmes look is hitting stores. [INO]

• Suri Cruise: Still adorable, still on the bottle, still the second coming of Xenu. [PS]

• Jennifer Aniston wants to have John Mayer's children and "can't wait for Brad Pitt to see pictures of her holding her own baby." All the right reasons. [DListed]

• Jenna Jameson is pregnant. God help us all. [Yeeeah]

• Rihanna and Chris Brown may or may not be dating and now they may or may not be engaged. [ICYDK]

• Introducing the newest problem faced by our youth: Puppy Gangs. [CityRag]

• I don't know who's luckier: Will Smith or David Letterman? [Celebitchy]

• Jessica Alba's new baby glow hasn't made her any less of a Debbie Downer. [PS]

• After years of putting up with Denise Richards, Heather Locklear has entered a treatment facility to assist with psychological issues. It's about time. [DListed]

• DMX was arrested for the third time in two months. Don Imus, care to comment? [ICYDK]

• Chris Brown's mother confirms Hollywood's worst kept secret. [INO]

Ne-Yo, losing all street cred:

I gotta admit, we were like … Lindsay Lohan? I mean, I've written for Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Rihanna, Celine Dion and … Lindsay Lohan? But I will say this; we gave her a quality record and she did a ridiculously fabulous job. I was so shocked I had to call her and apologize for what I was thinking because she did so good. I think the world is gonna be surprised.

[Source]

At right, in the shirt promoting murder, is Rihanna's brother, Rorrey. These photos were taken from Rorrey's Facebook profile, and they capture Rihanna with boyfriend Chris Brown at home in Barbados to enjoy a national holiday in her honor.

Aptly called Rihanna Day, it's a somber holiday for Barbadians, who on that day must come to terms with the fact that a 20-year-old girl's annoying song detailing a cheesy metaphor is their most exciting export in years.

[Source]

Here's a cute couple: Rihanna and Chris Brown. The two went public at her surprise 20th birthday party in LA.

After the crowd — including guests Kanye West and Wilmer Valderrama — belted out Happy Birthday, 'Chris stood up and serenaded her with his own version, and she was beaming. He grabbed her when the song was over and kissed her.'

The source adds that aside from Brown's friendly dance-off with Valderrama that night, he and Rihanna 'constantly had their hands all over each other and were rarely apart.'

Remember when Rihanna was dating Shia LeBeouf? That was bizarre. Hopefully she's over that whole Walgreens Rebel stage. Lord knows it took us a few years … and lots of drug store arrests.

[Source]

• Here's Amnesia Sparkles – the drag queen responsible for making Cord "Cordless" – explaining how this Sunday's Oscars will be like sex with a black man. As you might guess, it's NSFW. [Queerty]

• Idle Americans are prepared to again fawn over American Idols, many of whom will soon become idle Americans once again. [DListed]

• That's not the breast place for a tattoo, Christina. [HT]

• A silvery Rihanna awaits your approval here. [INO]

• "I'm the Hillary Clinton of the Oscars." [ICYDK]

• Go organic! It'll make you feel like a new person filled with alien spirits! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [CityRag]

• Hey! More and more people are discovering that we have too many goddamn golf courses in this country. Cacti of the American Southwest, we've made the first step. [NYT]

• Guys like this are why Brooklyn pwns Manhattan. [CityRag]

• Lindsay Lohan's father says he will not be ogling pictures of his naked daughter, despite their "artistic" slant. This surprises people for some reason. [DListed]

• That guy from Varsity Blues whose main character trait was his morbid obesity is now thin! There goes a career as "Fat Man #2." Hope it was worth it. [EBG]

• Jamie Lynn Spears, the one going to destroy her child, has been grounded. See? Those parents understand "discipline." [PS]

• Rihanna recently went shopping for art. Or, more likely, Rihanna recently went to a gallery and bought whatever the curator called "edgy." [INO]

• Harry Potter and Hermione are totally muggling each other. (We know muggle means non-wizard, nerd.) [ICYDK]

• Stacy Keibler, stop it! [HT]

• Scarlettoo. [Yeeeah]

• Because Rihanna ruined it last night, here's "Jungle Love" without interruption.

• Miley Cyrus goes without a seatbelt in a scene in her new movie. For shame! [DListed]

• Gwyneth says she'll break the mold and adopt American. [PS]

• Faith Hill and Tim McGraw are still a-rootin' and a-tootin'. [INO]

• Sienna Miller finally got her license. Sorry, LA. [ICYDK]

• That stripper's doing more movie reviews. Enjoy, and don't listen to a goddamn thing she says. [HT]

• Those feet. [Yeeeah]

• "Army Buried Study Faulting Iraq Planning" [NYT]

After nabbing the Grammy for her hit song "Umbrella," Rihanna found herself in a minor vehicular accident. The singer was leaving a Def Jam afterparty when another vehicle veered off the road and crashed into Rihanna's parked car. Nobody was injured.

The report failed to mention the other driver's name, but we have a feeling it was Kanye West, who had taken his post-Grammy rage to the streets: He was overheard yelling, "I should have won! Give a black man a chance!" before speeding away from the crime scene in search of Herbie Hancock.

[Source]

The celebs came out in droves for UMG's Grammy Celebration; among them was renowned musical genius Lindsay Lohan. Where was her Grammy? "Rumors" is still one of the most beautiful songs of all time. She spent the evening hanging out with the great influences of Hollywood at a venue that was sure to be alcohol- and drug-free.

[Source]