• Look where a career forged on the shoulders of a famous murderer gets a person. You're at the big dance, Shapiro. [Queerty]

• If poverty explains ugly, why is everyone in the favelas of Brazil at least an eight? Maybe just poor Americans are ugly. Or maybe wealthy Americans are just very ugly on the inside of their brains. [Gawker]

• David Copperfield's allegedly meticulous rape technique is unfathomably creepy. You don't trust magicians, people. [DListed]

• The Hills is soooooooooo fake. Stop watching it. [PITNB]

• Dick in a bag? [PS]

• It's not hot when she's been more naked on the job. That's a fact. [HT]

• Johnny Depp's a painter, also. Swoon, ladies. [ICYDK]

• Wait, did rehab actually work? Rehab never works. [INO]

• Grandmother Spears: "If they're boycotting your album, sweetie, they're not your real friends." [Yeeeah]

• Seriously, is everyone sure she didn't fall and hit her face? [CityRag]