• American Bingo Calling Idol. [Yeeeah]
• Enhanced lips, enhanced breasts, enhanced nose, terrible life. [DListed]
• Top photos of 2007. So much Britney! [PS]
• Boy do we hope Dannielynn Birkhead isn't really damaged from her mother's drug abuse. [INO]
• Rosie O'Donnell won the title of most annoying celebrity! She immediately took to her blog to be annoying about people finding her annoying. Stop hitting yourself! [ICYDK]
• Lots of plastic surgery in '07. Good for them. [CityRag]
• Things in Pakistan are still very bad. In 2008, it's likely they won't get much better. [NYT]
According to some new oblique verse Rosie O'Donnell – wont to speaking in code – has blogged, the discussions she was having with MSNBC concerning a possible prime-time show have vanished. Surprisingly, executives didn't consider the project "too grating," but instead were deterred by Rosie anxiously gossiping about the show to every common sycophant who met her gaze.
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Media rumors are saying that former View yelling head Rosie O'Donnell is in talks to get her own show on MSNBC. Media theorists – with their beakers and chicken bones – believe this is the network's attempt at fighting liar with liar: "…the cable channel believes there is ratings gold in shows that criticize the [Bush] administration with the same vigor with which Fox News’s hosts often champion it." And isn't biased coverage to counteract biased coverage what the news is all about?
As one might be able to ascertain from this video, stupid person Bill O'Reilly now sends out cameramen to hound Rosie O'Donnell at her book signings and demand answers to questions she claims are not based in fact. Once his toadies have obtained the footage, O'Reilly bravely sits in his studio and discusses "Rosie's Rage." Well played, William.
[Source]
Any guesses as to the identity of this woman, who showed up to Rosie O'Donnell's art opening in New York?
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Late Wednesday night, at a comedy club in Manhattan, Rosie O'Donnell took to the stage for several minutes and finally admitted that Barbara Walters fired her from The View. This news is contrary to all of O'Donnell's previous reports, in which she had stated that the decision to leave the show was mutual.
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Get it? Can you extract the punchline from this forest of subtlety? Here's the joke: Men are revolted by fat lesbians. So much so that we break into a sweat and shudder when we're forced to be in their presence without nose plugs. The wit here is amazing! Even more amazing is that this cartoonist behind this panel, the New York Post's Sean Delonas, is himself not a major cardio enthusiast.
And we're surprised when girl's say they'd rather be dead than ugly.
[Source]
Early reviews of Rosie O'Donnell's book, Celebrity Detox are saying it's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. A "train wreck," to be exact. Take a look:
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In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day—using 17 syllables or less—you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.
Today's Someone Haiku winner is eeks:
Thank God for that “r” -
“Crocker” does not need any
encouragement, geeze!
While that one was well done, had the syllable count been correct, iwishiwasbadass could have been the clear victor.
New one under here.
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Proving that she – unlike many of her previous employers – is wildly confident in her own talents, Rosie O'Donnell has declined an invitation to talk about her new book on Oprah, a promotional venue that almost guarantees a best seller. Instead, she's chosen to give her major interview to Diane Sawyer, a promotional venue that almost guarantees she won't ever be invited back to Oprah.
[Source]
More alleged excerpts from Rosie O'Donnell's upcoming tell-all have surfaced—odd considering her rep claims there were "no galleys even produced." But, assuming that literally everyone in the world has better things to do than fabricate anecdotes about Rosie O'Donnell's childhood, we'll share with you this dark tale of her self-mutilation:
She writes that as a child, she used to break her own limbs with "a baseball bat" or a "wooden hanger."
On page 186, it reads: "My hands and fingers usually. No one knew. My secret." Why? "Proof," she writes, "that I had some value, enough to be fixed." And later, Rosie cryptically adds, "There were many benefits to having a cast. In the middle of the night, it was a weapon."
With that, allow us to be the first to speculate that this book was ghostwritten by a closeted 16-year-old with Missouri's biggest collection of The Cure B-sides.
[Source]
Page Six is reporting that Rosie O'Donnell will use her new book, Celebrity Detox, to be released October 2, to once again berate Donald Trump, rekindling a months-old feud nobody ever started caring about.
O'Donnell writes about the Tara Connor scandal - in which Miss USA was caught drinking underage and tested positive for cocaine but was allowed to enter rehab and retain her title - "It is Trump's falseness that angers me more than anything . . . I spoke my mind. People found it funny.
"I honestly did not anticipate the malice of his response . . . I assumed Donald believed he had money. I did not assume Donald believed he was money. But apparently he does . . . The stuffing of his self spilled out - think of a torn scarecrow, only instead of hay, it's crisp $100 bills blowing through the cornfields."
Trump reminded O'Donnell of "garden slugs . . . I could write one small comment on my blog, and Donald would predictably distend, flowing forth with a torrent of insults . . . Then he'd appear on some talk show looking wrinkled, old and empty, with a Jell-O orange combover.
Expect a calm, dignified and mature response from Trump; one that's indicative of his age and success.
[Source]
• I'm going to wager this woman's not married. [BWE]
• Crimes of fashion. [DListed]
• That one college dropout is now a slightly less powerful dick. [NYT]
• Does this woman have a bikini trench coat? [DS]
• Heather Graham's attractive, but still usually unemployed. [HT]
• Better bra! [CityRag]
• Isla Fisher says her Australian roots make her unworthy. Aboriginals go, "Uhhhhhh…" [ICYDK]
• Trump takes aim… [Yeeeah]
Does anyone remember Riding the Bus with My Sister? I don't but you might, and if so, you might also remember how cringe-inducing the whole thing is. I can't decide if it's outright offensive, very badly done or both. I can't shake this question, though: Is there a difference between casting a fully capable person as a mentally handicapped one and casting a white guy to portray an American Indian? You decide as you take a look at this wonderful mash-up courtesy of TV Carnage, in which John Ritter's performance perfectly expresses the shock conjured by Rosie's performance.
Thinking Elisabeth Hasselbeck to be an unintelligent windbag should be so easy. Rarely is someone whose opinions are consistently wrong given as much screen time with which to make a mockery of themselves. However, when Rosie O'Donnell, who has noted that she finds it unfair when she is vilified by the general public for being the "big, fat lesbian" who picks on people, decides to then villainize her opponents at apperances, it makes it very difficult to continue to see Hasselbeck as the lunatic.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend, but the antagonistic sniper of my enemy is just a fucking jerk.
PS Saying that you don't want to talk to pregnant people sounds kinda heterophobic.
Page Six is reporting that Ivanka Trump is secretly in the running for the vacant spot on The View, left open weeks ago after the mercurial Rosie O'Donnell departed.
The National Enquirer reports that Barbara Walters wants to hire the "hottie with brains" to stick it to Paris Hilton and her parents for their shabby treatment of her when they were trying to sell the Paris post-prison interview. But our sources say Walters is still sore at Donald Trump for calling her a liar during his feud with O'Donnell and will never hire a Trump. "It ain't gonna happen," said one insider. Still in the running: Gale King, Whoopi Goldberg, Kathy Griffin and another longshot, Mario Cantone.
Not sure "hottie with brains" is an accurate description. But that aside: Mario Cantone? Hey, GLAAD, The View is considering gay guys as hosts for an all female show, meaning that they're subtly saying gay dudes are practically not men. Hello?
• "Seriously, though, shoot me straight: They don't mind ya'll smoking some pot up north?" [DListed]
• Harrison Ford filming Indiana Jones and the Curse of Arthritic Joints. [HT]
• A WWE wrestler has killed his wife, his child and himself. I'm sure steroids played no part. [Yeeeah]
• Everyone's really LOLing about this "Dramatic Chipmunk" character, huh? [CityRag]
• Rosie the flower child gives her children bullets to play with. People cry "foul!" Trump smirks, demands steak be "bloodier." [ICYDK]
If you thought Rosie O'Donnell was bad, get a load of Star Parker, a black ex-welfare recipient whom admits to having four abortions and an erstwhile addiction to crack. After becoming a born again Christian (of course), Parker is now former self-loathing; she stands in rigid opposition to welfare, abortion and crack abuse—though that last one is probably for the best.
Try to contain your laughter when Parker claims in the clip above that God's time is so different from ours that maybe the world is only 5,000 years old. Then try to contain your rage when during the clip below you realize that a crackhead whom for years benefited from the graciousness of the US Government and its taxpayers is now completely unwilling to bestow the same kindness on her fellow citizens in their times of need. This lady makes Elisabeth Hasselbeck seem rational and well-read. Is it too late to get Rosie back?
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Editor
