In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.

Today's Someone Haiku winner is again a tie, this time between lale and GoodGolly:

Sag Awards, me oui!
Those Golden Globes just put some
Joi in Gerard’s vive.

and

Watch out, Sophia!
Gerard is ze bad vampire
Who wants to suck your…

Great!

New one under here.

CONTINUED »

In the restraining order Britney Spears' family filed against Sam Lutfi there are some pretty amazing allegations. We couldn't make this stuff up:

According to the document, '[Lutfi] has cut Britney's home phone line and removed her cell phone chargers. He yells at her. He claims to control everything.'

According to a declaration filed by Lynne Spears, on January 28, Lynne and Jamie arrived for an intervention — 'Sam had told Britney that she was an unfit mother, a piece of trash and a whore, that she cares more about Adnan, her current boyfriend, than she cares about her kids, and that she does not deserve the kids.'

At one point, Britney 'picked up a bottle of pills and read part of the label and asked us, "What does insomnia mean?" Sam told her that the pills will help her stay awake.' Lynne continues, 'Sam told Jackie and me that he grinds up Britney's pills, which were on the counter and included Risperdal (an anti-psychotic drug for schizophrenia and bipolarity) and Seroquel.' The docs continue, 'He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could then give her drugs to heal her brain.'

Lynne claims before leaving for the drug store that night, Sam gave her drugs upstairs 'to make her more light-hearted, happy, and fun.'

During a dispute later that night, Sam allegedly said, 'If you try to get rid of me, she'll be dead and I'll piss on her grave.'

This guy talks about pissing on graves more than we thought humanly possible. It's amazing he has time to terrorize Britney when it sounds like he spends lots of hours lurking around cemeteries.

[Source]

NOT SURPRISING "A lawyer for the conservators said they have been trying to serve Sam Lutfi with a restraining order prohibiting him from seeing [Britney Spears], but he has refused to open the door to accept service. They mentioned that Lutfi has spoken on the phone with Britney, allegedly in violation of the restraining order."

Here's surprising news: Sam Lutfi, who has creeped his way into Britney Spears' life, is continuing his takeover by painting her parents in a bad light.

When Sam was asked how he and Lynne Spears were getting along following Britney's second hospitalization, he sounded off, saying he does not think Lynne cares about Britney.

'No. Her mother is not someone who cares about her daughter, she's only concerned with herself. Sad but true. She was too busy getting a manicure to come over yesterday, despite her daughters (sic) pleas. Sad, very sad,' Sam wrote to Access [Hollywood] in a text message.

Granted, Jamie and Lynne Spears haven't exactly been parents of the year, but this is coming from a guy who accused them of being jealous of him. Which is a solid point — he has so many desirable traits, like the multiple restraining orders against him, one can't help but be a little envious.

[Source]

Surprise: There was Britney Spears drama last night. We're kind of overwhelmed by it all, but here's what happened in a nutshell: Britney and Sam Lutfi got in a fight, causing her to cry outside her house and call Adnan Ghalib to rescue her. Sam wouldn't allow Adnan inside the gates and turned off Britney's phones. Sam sent a text to Adnan saying he was a bad influence and would end up killing Britney (pot, meet kettle). Brit finally escaped with another paparazzi friend and drove around for a bit. Adnan blocked traffic along Sunset Boulevard, wooed Britney into his car, and left the other paparazzi guy in Brit's car in the middle of the street. Adnan and Brit got a flat tire, but managed to make it back to her house. During all this hooplah, Lynne Spears showed up and later accompanied Brit and Sam to a drug store.

We're out of breath.

Luckily, the paps were there to catch everything on film, in case you're confused. Our favorite part of the video, hands down, is when a tabloid reporter tries talking to Britney's dad; when Jamie Spears doesn't answer, the reporter tries to get him to talk by assuring he's "from In Touch." Jamie is having none of it. We always knew he was the brains of the family.

[Source]

The new issue of Blender features a Britney Spears cover photo that we can immediately tell is fake. Just to be sure, however, Blender confirmed the picture was a composite: "That, sadly, is not [Britney's] body." Well, we didn't see any Cheetos residue on her fingers, so that was a dead giveaway.

Inside, the mag launches into a detailed account as to how America's sweetheart turned into a tabloid disaster. We've heard most of this before, but the most disturbing portion of the article focuses on Sam Lutfi, Britney's trusted "confidante" and only friend.

Danny Haines, who now has a restraining order against Lutfi, talked to Blender about his former relationship with Britney's right-hand man. Throughout their friendship, which began on MySpace (like all solid, stable relationships do), Lutfi exhibited the rumored behavior that makes everyone else so nervous about his role in Britney's life.

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FINALLY "Barbara Walters received a call from Britney Spears' manager and 'very good friend' Sam Lutfi, the TV host told her cohorts on Monday's The View — reporting that Lutfi said the pop star was seeking help for what Walters termed 'mental issues which are treatable.'"

Is Britney Spears' boyfriend, producer in name only Sam Lutfi, a gay man? Rumormongers say yes. Hell yes!

…Star Magazine is reporting Britney Spears is planning to walk down the aisle with bad-boy pal Sam Lutfi. Some Hollywood gossip sites are slamming the report, not just for its typical lack of facts, but because rumor has it Lutfi is entirely gay and not likely to convert even for pop tart Spears and her millions.
…
GaySocialites.com claims "high profile gays in L.A. confirm Lutfi's sexual orientation as decidedly queer and says Lutfi was so embarrassed to be gay that he laid low for a long time until recently resurfacing as Britney Spears' right hand man and manager."

So not just gay, "entirely gay." Case closed.