Eva Longoria and Tony Parker were wed on Saturday in a Parisian church service, the celebratory follow-up to the civil ceremony the couple already completed. Guests included Longoria's Desperate Housewive's costars Felicity Huffman, Teri Hatcher and Nicollette Sheridan. AC Slater was also in attendance, and he said he found France to be "bitchin'," before shoving Screech into the Arc de Triomphe. The busty one in the frosted lipstick? That's Parker's mom. France is delightful.
• Please one of you do the Kelly Ripa/Clay Aiken to someone this Holiday weekend. Take a Picture. Send it to me. I will post it. The more shocked the better. [PopSugar]
• The Screech Sex Tape you were almost able to forget existed is here. [DListed]
• Brad Pitt's bulge. Booya. [CityRag]
• And for the lady lovahs in the house–Penelope Cruz. [Egotastic]
• Mischa Barton is losing her shit. [Celebitchy]
• Crack vs. Kate Moss. Crack wins. [BWE]
• See the beauty of the TomKat wedding all for yourself. [Junkiness]
• Diddy finally embraces his love for pink. [A Socialite's Life]
• Claymates continue to wear their blinders, think Clay Aiken likes the old penis-vagina. [DListed]
• Vanessa Minnillo and Nelly Furtado are too preoccupied with getting let into the club to notice their personal assistants getting a beat down outside. [TMZ]
• Even Jessica Alba has Cocker Spaniel hair days. [Hollywood Tuna]
• Dating Lindsay Lohan is a pain in the ass, so Harry's just taking a breather. [PopSugar]
• Joe Simpson wants to kick the ass of anyone who gets to legally touch Jessica's lovely lady lumps. [Junkiness]
• The Dirty Sanchez is the most elementary of Screech's bedroom maneuvers. [BWE]
• T.O. did, or did not, whichever, try to kill himself last night. [A Socialite's Life]
• Wow, Kirsten Dunst cleans up good for a Marie Antionette premiere. [I'm Not Obsessed]
• I think I'm the only one who sort of loves Victoria Beckham's outfit here. [A Socialite's Life]
• Stare at his wife, Kate Beckinsale's, ass all you want, just make sure to see who it belongs to. [Egotastic]
• Sick and Wrong news of the day: Michael Lohan brags about sleeping with his daughter's Herbie: Fully Loaded stunt double. [Celebitchy]
• If you ever wondered whether Screech is a gentleman in the sack, two words: Dirty Sanchez. [BWE]
• Didn't Amanda Peet announce her pregnancy like yesterday? What is she on some sort of rapid pregs schedule? [PopSugar]
• Howard K. Stern might not actually know whether Anna Nicole Smith is into the romantic aspect of the relationship. [DListed]
• I just can't get behind the big neck bow trend. [CityRag]
• Such a little lady, that Avril Lavigne. [TMZ]
• Now let's see how long it is before some magazine is calling Lara a heifer. [US Weekly]
• Laugh at Colin Farrell's dance lessons all you want, but he could probably still kill you with one pinky finger. [PITNB]
• Okay, I give up, help save Screech's house so that I can stop having to read about this dump t-shirt campaign. [DListed]
• Even Anderson Cooper is enamored with Angelina Jolie. There's not even anything you can say wrong about that bitch. [Jossip]
• Happy 44th Birthday to Paula Abdul, everyone's favorite pill-popping emotional wreck. Take an extra percocet tonight, you deserve it, honey. [Popwatch]
• Kate Moss should probably just keep her hands away from her nose at all times, it just plain looks bad. [Bastardly]
• Does anyone even really want to see another Paris Hilton sex tape or read her diaries? I never thought I'd say this, but let the girl have some privacy. [Faded Youth]
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