Sean Connery's new autobiography, Being a Scot, was released today in the UK. The book finds the first and most famous Bond musing on "many aspects of Scottish culture and life, including sport, architecture, and of course the gothic tendency in Scots literature," while also offering enlightening anecdotes from his 78 years as a Scotsman. No word yet on whether Connery has used any part of Being a Scot to discuss under what circumstances a man can smack his lippy wife. In case he hasn't, we've got a brief video lesson after the jump.
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Judging by the absurdly nitpicky nature of the corrections made to The New York Times' retrospective on James Bond creator Ian Fleming – "… the article misstated the size of the large naval guns outside the museum. They are 15-inch guns, not 18-inch guns." – it's clear that people are a little nuts about Fleming's fake secret agent. Are we nuts; because we just don't get it. How has a series so overtly misogynistic maintained its cultural relevance throughout the decades?
Because our only goal in life is to right wrongs, today, we've decided to turn the tables and subject James Bond to the same piece-of-meat treatment he so often inflicts on his lady friends. Tell us, in your opinion, whose the second handsomest Bond? (Obviously, Sean Connery is the handsomest, so we didn't even include him.) We say it's Timothy Dalton, but we could be wrong. Anyone willing to say George Lazenby beats out Roger Moore? Anyone not think Connery is the clear victor?
So we’ve gone a little crazy with People’s archive of covers — 34 years X 52-ish issues a year = too much content — and one of the better searches we’ve done is “Sexiest Man Alive.”
There have been the classic choices — ZOMG Brad Pitt!! — but also some incredibly bad choices. For example:
• Nick Nolte (a-hem)
• Sean Connery at 60 (”Older, Balder…and Better!”)
• L.A. Law’s Harry Hamlin (quote: “Certainly when I look in the mirror, I don’t get turned on.”)
• JFK Jr., who is dead, which makes us sad, but OK, he’s still incredibly attractive
So what can we learn by perusing the archive of People’s sexiest men?
In his new book on sexual facts, "Where Do Nudists Keep Their Hankies?" just out from HarperEntertainment, Mitchell Simons reveals that Clint Eastwood, David Duchovny, Bruce Willis and Jerry Hall gave up their innocence at 14. Topping them are: Johnny Depp, James Caan and Jon Bon Jovi, who were just 13. Don Johnson was a mere 12. And Sean Connery confessed, "I was 8, but I can't recall with whom."
Eight! Absolutely not! We call bullshit on people who say they lost their virginity before 12. Especially when said people "can't recall with whom." Perhaps Connery's partner lived in Niagra Falls.
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Despite the aging and the mustache that accompanies it, our drinking buddies at Queerty have rekindled their flame for Sean Connery, this after a semi-nude portrait of him was chosen to be featured in a major exhibition in Scotland. Above is a shirtless Connery, who was reportedly a bodybuilder at the time. And if this is what a bodybuilder looked like back then, we think today's turgid freaks have a lot to learn from their forefathers.
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