Did everyone see the moment on yesterday's very special episode of Divorce Court when Gary Coleman went from laughingstock to wise sage who speaks truths other men try to decimate with alcohol and products and violence? In case you missed it:

I have low-self esteem. I don't feel successful in life. I want the world for [my wife] and I get very frustrated that I can't bring it to her. I don't feel financially secure and a lot of time I feel like I'm wasting her time.

Whoa! If every drunk asshole beating up his wife and kids or sleeping with his girlfriend's best friend could say exactly what Gary Coleman did on that show, this world would be about a million times better. Tonight, drink a domestic beer for Gary.

OH, OF COURSE THEY ARE "Gary Coleman and his disgruntled bride Shannon Price are thinking about getting divorced. Gary … is taking this matter straight to Divorce Court. He’s reportedly looking for a little guidance from Judge Toler in hopes of saving the marriage before it’s too late. … Look for their Divorce Court segment to air on May 1st." Keep in mind that gays and lesbians in this country still can't get married, because the sanctity of the institution is just too precious.

Have you ever read that if a person looks to their right while telling you something they're lying? The motions of a person's eyes while thinking are called "visual accessing cues," and a look right indicates a constructed thought – a fib – whereas a look left suggests a remembered thought.

Some people think it's bullshit, and it may be, but this is a screen grab we took from the video of Gary Coleman's new wife, Shannon Price, saying, "I just wanna be in his life."

Recent reports on Gary Coleman's marriage have said that his new bride, Shannon Price, is the only woman – living or dead – with whom he's had intercourse. But last night on The Insider, Coleman said those stories are patently false, as he's also not had sex with his wife. This from the rage-prone former child star: "It'll happen when it'll happen, and it'll happen for all the right reasons."

Here's three great reasons to get you going, Gary: You're 40, you're a virgin and she's your goddamn wife!

News broke yesterday that diminutive ex-child star Gary Coleman was "secretly married" in August to Shannon Price, a woman half his age. Now, an Inside Edition interview with the couple reveals that there's already a fair amount of trouble in this strange, strange paradise.

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