WOULD YOU LIKE SOME (ROTTEN) CHEESE WITH THAT WHINE? "Raffaello Follieri, the Italian businessman who dated actress Anne Hathaway, says his health has deteriorated because of 'unspeakably unsanitary' jail conditions and wants to be moved. … Since he was sentenced to 4-1/2 years in prison for fraud last month, he has had to contend with rotten food, foul odors and unclean toilets and as a result is running a fever and has blood in his urine, according to a letter from his lawyer made available on Wednesday."

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IN OUR THOUGHTS "Presidential hopeful Barack Obama will take time off from the campaign so he can fly to Hawaii to see his maternal grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, who has become seriously ill. Campaign spokesman Robert Gibbs said Dunham's 'one of the most important people' in the senator's life. His Kansas-bred grandmother helped raise him along with her World War II-veteran husband Stanley and her daughter, Obama's mother, Ann Dunham."

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AND SHE'S OUT "Janet Jackson has been released from the Royal Victoria Hospital in Montreal, according to a hospital rep. 'Yesterday evening she was checked into the Royal Victoria Hospital and left a couple of hours later,' Rebecca Burns, the spokeswoman for the McGill University Health Centre, which operates the hospital, told People."

According to Janet Jackson's rep, the singer "got suddenly ill during the sound check" before a concert last night in Montreal, resulting in a trip to the hospital. Nobody's saying much about it, except that Janet's being monitored and hopes to reschedule her show, so we assume it's nothing too serious.

Perhaps her body fell ill because it was tired of wearing her godawful tour wardrobe? Just a thought.

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GET WELL SOON "Natalie Cole has suffered a setback in her treatment for hepatitis C and has been hospitalized in New York, People has learned. The side effects of Cole's grueling chemotherapy treatment for the liver disease, paired with a strenuous promotional schedule in support of her just-released new album Still Unforgettable, are what led to the Grammy winner's hospitalization."

JACKSON HOSPITALIZED "The Rev. Jesse Jackson was hospitalized and undergoing tests Thursday after complaining of severe stomach pains. Jackson told The Associated Press that he entered Northwestern Memorial Hospital on Wednesday after falling ill earlier in the week."

DISGUSTING "Billy Bob Thornton's son is at the center of a criminal investigation — the alleged victim of 'unlawful sex.' … Willie Thornton, age 14, was dating a 22-year-old woman. Her ex-boyfriend apparently became jealous. Sources say the ex called the LAPD, informing them his former GF was having sex with a minor."

This Saturday, groggy from NyQuil, I watched Ben Stiller's last film, The Heartbreak Kid, in its entirety. I didn't ROFL and I LOLed rarely, if at all; but, honestly, zonked out on pills and cough syrup, it wasn't awful. That's the best this guy's gotten from me since Permanent Midnight.

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