Obviously

OK, so Heidi Montag just released her new music video, "Overdosin," for our enjoyment, but there's something wrong with the clip. And not just the usual "I think Heidi is mentally unstable" stuff — the audio and video are completely off. The tape lasts over 10 minutes but the song is only three (yes, we sat and regrettably listened to the entire song), and the whole thing is in major slow motion. This makes our head hurt, and we shouldn't ever put this much thought into a Heidi Montag creation, but everybody else was acting like this was no big deal. Which, compared to that "Higher" monstrosity, it's a small issue.

Aug 26, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 30 Responses

Spencer Pratt entertained us yet again on last night's episode of The Hills with a thought-provoking speech on foreign relations and family values. Frustrated that his sister, Stephanie, is still "rolling around with LC," Spence declared that he wished he could make her his un-sister and then shot down Steph's hopes that one day everyone would just be civil: "It's like trying to tell Iran and Israel to get along. Its not gonna happen." … We're not even going to touch that statement.

Aug 26, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 9 Responses
Unfortunately

Heidi Montag chose the monstrosity "Overdosin" to be her newest video-worthy single, but unfortunately she and Spencer Pratt actually put some money into this production. That means no flopping around awkwardly on a random beach ??? but not to worry, because this video is sure to be just as offensive.

Also: It's good to see Heidi has been taking dance lessons from Madonna. As Madge says, you can never have too much crotch.

Aug 25, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 26 Responses
Do Not Want

As if Jesus didn't have enough problems, now he has to deal with his latest fan, Spencer Pratt. We'll let Spence do the talking:

I???m a work in progress. I???d never been to church until I met Heidi. She got me to go ??? it was a big step. The walls shook a little bit as I first cruised in, but Jesus and I are making the connection. I???m trying to live a more positive, holy life, but it takes work. It???s hard not sinning, you know?

Heidi???s there going, ???What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do???? And I???m like, ???Jesus gave me these great comebacks.' And she???s like, ???No, that???s the devil.???

Interesting, Heidi. We weren't aware that Jesus got breast implants and spread sex tape rumors to Perez Hilton, but maybe we missed that part of the Bible.

[Source]

Aug 20, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 21 Responses
Who Wants To Smell Like Photoshop?

Christina Aguilera's new perfume ad inspires us to vomit. [Yeeeah]

• As of right now Amy Winehouse is back in rehab. Not sure how long that's going to last, but the facility is right next to Blake Incarcerated, which sounds like a bad idea. [INO]

• When Ellen DeGeneres blogs, we listen. [PS]

Jon Voight has some harsh words for Roseanne. [DListed]

Heidi Montag is now claiming she's a virgin. Uh, did she forget all those interviews she gave talking about having sex with Spencer ??? and the infamous Season 2 pregnancy test? [ICYDK]

The Real World: Brooklyn reportedly sucks, and it hasn't even finished filming yet. We could have told you that. [CityRag]

Aug 20, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 12 Responses

Thank goodness The Hills returned last night ??? Mondays simply weren't the same without Spencer Pratt and his creepy flesh-colored beard gracing our television sets. Apparently this season's Speidi storyline will revolve around Heidi's sister, Holly, because the couple has no other friends and needs a new punching bag. The manufactured drama isn't necessarily interesting in the least, but we are consistently entertained by Spence's ability to raise the bar every week with his d-bag abilities. In the scene at left, Spencer welcomes Holly into his home the only way he knows how: By forcing her to watch him play X-Box while he ignores her.

Aug 19, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 5 Responses

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, America's junk food, told Extra in a new interview that, when they get married, it will be on live television. Presumably, this is so they can be continue to be just like their predecessors, Charles and Diana.

Asked if she would leave The Hills once a married woman, Montag replied oh so tellingly, "No, where would I go?"

[Source]

Aug 19, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 18 Responses
The Rest Is Still Unwritten

So in case you haven't heard, tonight is the season four premiere of MTV "reality" hit The Hills. Over the last three seasons it's become fairly obvious that there's rarely anything real about the show except for Spencer and Heidi's douchiness, so we've compiled our five favorite fake moments in the history of The Hills. Feel free to add your own if they didn't make the cut.

CONTINUED »

Aug 18, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 4 Responses
Famewhoring Runs In The Family

We should have seen this coming from miles away: Heidi Montag, with her mother, sister and handler/boyfriend Spencer Pratt in tow, met up with Girls Gone Wild perv Joe Francis for a classy dinner last night in LA. Upon leaving the restaurant, the clan posed for paparazzi and Mama Montag even held hands with Francis. How long until Heidi poses naked for the GGW magazine and her parents get divorced?

[Source]

Aug 11, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 11 Responses

If you ever start to feel down about the state of humanity, just remember this: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are making way more money than you.

We didn't believe it when we saw the video of the couple we love to hate as they went house shopping yesterday in [Malibu]. They looked at two homes: the aforementioned $12 mil beach house and a 10,000 sq. ft. estate with an asking price of more than $15 mil.

So we thought it was a big publicity stunt, until we called the realtor who showed the property. Sandro Dazzan says they're 'serious buyers.'

Guess this is what happens when you sell all your pride.

[Source]

Jul 25, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 15 Responses
Back To "Reality"

There are a few things we are able to gather from the latest trailer for The Hills' fourth season: First of all, a lot of the drama has been kept under wraps this time around, meaning the cast is getting better at keeping their mouths shut or the public has simply lost interest. Also, the cast seems to expand every season, and we have a feeling it's not because Lauren and Audrina are simply attracting lots of friends. This show has turned into a famewhoring free-for-all. Oh, and Heidi and Spencer still suck.

Jul 22, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 5 Responses
Can They Stay There?

Once again using her late stepbrother as justification for her ridiculous actions, Heidi Montag announced she and boyfriend Spencer Pratt are planning a trip to the Middle East to perform for the troops. Haven't the troops suffered enough?

My brother was an airborne ranger in Afghanistan and Iraq. It???s very important to me and important to Spencer to support the troops and go over there.

And don't worry about how the reality show duo plans to pay for this trip ??? John McCain's daughter Meghan (and Heidi's supposed new BFF) will be footing the bill, says Spencer: "Her dad definitely has some pull with the military. I think she???s going to put that together for us."

Wonder if Meghan is aware of this.

[Source]

Jul 22, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 25 Responses

Heidi Montag, one of the only members of Young Hollywood brave ??? or foolish ??? enough to publicly support John McCain, is quickly inserting herself into the GOP. She and Spencer Pratt dined with (in the vicinity of) George Bush at this year???s White House Correspondents Dinner, and yesterday she grabbed lunch with McCain???s daughter Meghan, who runs that blog. They ate at The Ivy, a spot where many famous people go to avoid being photographed by the paparazzi. Except, egads, the paps found ???em! And they were tres interested in what they were up to! Well, not so much Meghan, because they didn???t have a clue who she was.

CONTINUED »

Jul 17, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 1 Response
For $1600...

Can someone introduce us to a Jeopardy contestant who actually watches The Hills?

Jul 11, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 11 Responses

WHAT A JOKE "Why were Hills stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt at a firing range in L.A. Tuesday? 'All the super soaker ranges were closed,' Pratt joked to Usmagazine.com. 'Seriously, we're learning in honor of Heidi's step-brother. … He loved guns and always wanted Heidi to become a great marksmen. We're fulfilling his dream.'"

Jul 10, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 8 Responses
The World Is a Ghetto

The hills are alive with the sound of M16 bursts! Yes, those are real guns Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are caressing like awed monkeys, and, apparently, there's a lot more where those came from: "The Hills couple has been concerned about their protection and … recently spent $10,000 on weapons at the Martin B. Retting store in Culver City, Calif." As if these two sad, strange people weren't frightening enough!

[Source]

Jul 10, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 15 Responses
WWHMD?

The great (and by "great" we mean "annoying") thing about Heidi Montag is that she's a mystery: Does she really believe the stuff that comes out of her mouth or is it all a big joke? And if it's a joke, why does she insist on being the punch line?

Lately, Horse Face has gone off on a Christianity tangent, claiming she reads the Bible every day and is a "kind of non-denominational Baptist." Whatever that means. Also? She plans to insult God through the power of her terrible music by recording a Christian album.

I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God. … God knows the truth in all of [the Lauren Conrad sex tape rumors], and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted, ya know?

Because if there's anyone who reminds us of Christ, it's Heidi Montag. And to further prove her point, Heidi says she and Spencer Pratt plan to go be missionaries in Africa to "feed children and help build things."

[Source]

Jun 30, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 25 Responses
Poor Mary-Kate

You knew Spencer Pratt would have something to say after Mary-Kate Olsen and David Letterman discussed his weasel-like qualities, and boy is his response a doozy:

I don't really get why she'd use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one's going to see. She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me.

I know I've made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though. She's had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough.

How big of you, Spence. It's a shame nobody can forgive you for going through life as the biggest d-bag in America.

[Source]

Jun 30, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 16 Responses