Thanks to reader anonymous, who reminded me about this clip I was meaning to post all day. Like the Texan that I am, I spent my Thanksgiving afternoon watching the Cowboys game and witnessing my little sister get entirely too excited about the promise of the Jonas Brothers' halftime performance. Wow, were they horrible. Sure, 'NSync wasn't exactly the epitome of musical genius, but these guys made dogs across America howl in pain. Perhaps the boys should stick to lip-syncing until they've made it all the way through puberty.
Talk about shooting yourself in the foot: Plaxico Burress of the New York Giants had just one of those days (nights?) post-Thanksgiving, when he walked into the Latin Quarter club and promptly shot himself in the leg — by accident, one assumes, unless he was trying to get out of next season's training or had some sort of beef with his hamstring.
And while a football player packing heat is a story in and of itself, it's what Burress did after the self-inflicted shooting that's truly amazing and shows you just how far celebrity status will take you in this city.
This sophisticated lady, Las Vegas cocktail waitress Caroline Pal, is the latest in a string of women who have captivated the heart of Olympic hero Michael Phelps. And she's not just another notch on his bedpost: Mike took this one home to spend Thanksgiving with his family. We can only hope she swapped out that tired black belt for something more festive and bedazzled.
More pictures of the gentlewoman here.
THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYING ANYMORE • "Madonna and A-Rod were both in Mexico City over the weekend. The Yankee slugger … was south of the border teaching poor children how to bat at a new sports center in the suburb of Nezahualcoyotl Sunday. The singer performed two back-to-back shows for her Sticky & Sweet tour on Saturday and Sunday nights. When Rodriguez was asked by the Associated Press what he thought about being in the city at the same time as Madonna, he said it was 'very good.'"
Former Playboy harem member Kendra Wilkinson has finally escaped the feeble clutches of ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner, but her new fiance, professional football player Hank Baskett, won't stop talking about the old man:
Hef is like a father to her so he's going to be the one to give her away. That's why I wanted his blessings and her mom's blessing.
Uh, excuse us? Her former boyfriend is like a father to her? And Hank needed to get his blessing before proposing? Run, Hank. Far, far away from all these crazy, messed up people.
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Apparently this anti-Obama Facebook phenomenon is really getting out of control and, luckily, some ignorant crazies are being forced to pay the consequences. Meet Buck Burnette, a football player for the University of Texas and blatant racist. Shortly after the election, his status read: "all the hunters gather up, we have a #$%&er in the whitehouse." Classy guy, that Buck.
As you can imagine, coach Mack Brown kicked him off the team immediately. Buck then issued an apology that was obviously not written by him. CONTINUED »
Here, in 136 words, is all that's wrong with America:
Tired of struggling to find enough teachers to staff its classrooms on the Friday before the annual Georgia-Florida football game, the Clarke County (Ga.) School District — which includes Athens, home of the University of Georgia — decided to cancel school altogether. According to area media reports, 137 teachers last year called in sick the day before the big game, and the district was able to find only 113 substitutes. School administrators studied the absences over the years and found a pattern — almost twice as many teachers call in sick the Friday before the annual game in Jacksonville, Fla., about 360 miles away, than on an average school day. So the district decided to call off school the Friday before the game. And Clarke County is not alone; the schools in nearby Madison and Oglethorpe counties also are taking the day off.
So here I am, sitting in my living room suffering through an episode of Real Chance of Love (it's all for the good of Reality Bytes!) when Michael Phelps slides across my screen with no pants à la Tom Cruise in Risky Business. There is a Xenu!
Upon further investigating, I discovered that he was picked up alongside Kobe Bryant, Tony Hawk and Mr. Madonna himself, Alex Rodriguez, to promote the new Guitar Hero: World Tour. Out of all the ridiculous commercials Michael's starred in since the Olympics, this one is by far the best. (And, admittedly, most disturbing.)
Joaquin Phoenix, whom we can no longer look at without thinking of Johnny Cash, used a Paul Newman benefit to announce his retirement from acting. As you do.
I want to take this opportunity … to give you the exclusive and just talk a little bit about the fact that this will be my last performance as an actor. I'm not doing films anymore. … I'm working on my music. I'm done. I've been through that.
We have a feeling this "retirement" is going to stick the same way it did for Brett Favre and Michael Jordan.
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A woman spent $3 million dollars on a Superbowl ad in hopes of catching the perfect beer-gut slouch of a husband. You can tell that Amy Borkowsky here is desperate because she describes her age as "somewhere between Carrie and Samantha," and also refers to dating as "a game," meaning she's read that Neil Strauss book from front to back.
Current American superhero Michael Phelps is still using his timely fame to break my heart. This time around he was at Las Vegas' Tao, but he clearly was not interested in the sleazies dancing in the background. Phew.
On another note, who wears a hood over a hat? And indoors? Minus two points, Mike.
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GUY RITCHIE IN TEARS OVER T-SHIRT "Guy Ritchie is 'in pieces' after seeing a photo of his son Rocco in a T-shirt supporting Alex Rodriguez's New York Yankees baseball team, a source tells Usmagazine.com. The 8-year-old was photographed sporting the shirt Monday in New York City. 'He's actually been crying over it,' says the source on the set of Ritchie's upcoming drama Sherlock Holmes."
Madonna is still considered by some to be a 20-century pop icon, and those devoted fans are the same type of people who will spend $13.99 on the latest 2009 material girl calendar. The 12 months feature all of Madge's different styles and faces from over the years, making it a perfect holiday gift for anyone considering plastic surgery. (Click through for pictures.)
In other news, Madonna's son Rocco caused a ruckus when he wore a NY Yankees shirt to the Chelsea Piers gym this week. We would normally chalk it up to a typical Manhattan kid supporting his favorite sports team, but this is Madonna's son we're talking about — she calculates everything and has total control over what he puts on (or in) his body. That's cold, Madge.
Believe it or not, there are people out there who don't get the appeal of Ryan Reynolds. Crazy, right? The great thing about the actor isn't just his insanely good looks — he has a personality and heart to match. His latest good deed will be taking place Nov. 2 in New York City, where he plans to run a marathon in honor of his father, who is suffering from Parkinson's. Here's an excerpt from his admittedly touching article in the Huffington Post, in which he reveals his hope to become "the first person in history to sob uncontrollably for 26.2 miles straight":
I've watched my father — a strong and proud person who successfully raised 4 arguably insane children - slowly, cruely stripped of his independence. His golden years robbed without explanation. It quite obviously sucks. Witnessing my Dad suffer over the years galvanized my need to step up. On November 2nd, I'll join thousands of other men and women to march in lockstep solidarity toward searing psychic pain and physical humilation.
So how many of you Hags like to run?
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So Whitney, your fearless associate editor, and Michael Phelps, America's latest obsession, gathered in the same room last night and nobody died. That, in itself, is a victory. Nobody got engaged either, which is a slight failure, but the entire evening was one of the best nights of my life, so I'm not sad. Well, maybe a little. CONTINUED »
YET ANOTHER SEQUEL TO RUIN THE ORIGINAL "Producer Thom Mount says a [Bull Durham II] script is indeed in development and he hopes to be shooting between April and June of next year. He said he plans to shoot in the Durham Bulls Athletic Park, but that he's not sure he will use the historic Durham Athletic Park that was part of the original movie. Because the script is still in development, Mount said he has no commitments from actors including the stars of the original movie — Kevin Costner, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. It’s likely Costner will return but it might take some art-twisting – he’s said in the past that a) he’s not a fan of sequels and b) he didn’t think 'Bull Durham' needed one."
By the time you read this, I will be hopping on a subway headed downtown to meet my future fiance, Michael Phelps. He's hosting an event and doing red carpet interviews, so I am contractually obligated to remain professional and classy for the majority of the evening; there will, however, be an open bar, so I can't promise this self-control will last the entire night. The experience will be a success if he professes his undying love for me. Wish me luck, and I'll have the full write-up for you first thing tomorrow.
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THIS IS SO THREE MONTHS AGO "Madonna and New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez took in a cozy dinner for two at Dos Caminos Third Avenue on Tuesday, a source told Usmagazine.com. They pair ate at an alcove-like table in the back. 'They seemed very close.'"
Editor
