Oh that liberal elite media and its terrible sense of humor! Everyone needs to get their heads checked, because Stephen Baldwin was simply making a hilarious joke when he said he would leave the country if Barack Obama became president. According to our least favorite Baldwin brother, "The liberal Democrats who didn't get that I was joking need to lighten up." Here's a thought, Steve-O: Perhaps everyone knew you were joking but, deep down, secretly hoped that you were serious and would pack your bags after Nov. 4.
The Jesus Freak (minus the Jesus) also takes issue with — surprise! — gay marriage: "If they legalize gay marriage in all 50 states in my lifetime, I'll get a Billy Ray Cyrus tattoo on my butt to go with the Hannah Montana one." Even more of a reason to help out the gays.
[Source]
Our favorite Baldwin brother, Alec, chatted with David Letterman last night about his stint on SNL with national joke Sarah Palin. He has great things to say about the lady, although he admits he doesn't want "her hand on the nuclear button." Sounds like someone's been talking to Matt Damon.
He also shows off his not-as-good-as-Tina Fey Palin impression and reminds us how senile his Bible thumping brother, Stephen, has truly become.
Threatening to box Barack Obama wasn't enough to prove Stephen Baldwin the craziest in his nut-job family, so now he's coming after the other team.
After Sarah Palin's comments on SNL this week that Stephen was her favorite Baldwin, the bass-mouthed brother took to the TV circuit, claiming he would beat down Joe the Plumber for a chance to become the next GOP mascot: "After Joe the Plumber and all the hype he’s getting, it’s making me think that to be the number one Republican kind of poster boy, I have to challenge Joe the Plumber to a UFC Smackdown.”
WE'LL HELP YOU PACK "Stephen Baldwin, who has threatened to move to Canada if Barack Obama is elected, has now challenged the candidate to box for charity. 'I'd like to knock some good sense into Barack. … I wouldn't hurt him. But if he wins the election, he'll hurt me. He's a cultural terrorist.'"
[Source]
We don't know how they do it, but they do, and it. Is. Fucking. Astonishing.
The maniacs at Fox News somehow put together an earnest segment in which giggly hack Laura Ingraham talks to ACTOR Stephen Baldwin about just why the heck these loudmouth celebrities think they can go around expressing their opinions. We're pretty good at sensing irony, and there is NONE in either of their voices. Not even when Stephen, who, by the way, is the one not as smart as Alec, not as handsome as Billy and not as rugged as Daniel, says, "Here's what's freaky to me: The media and Hollywood is so convinced that mainstream America cares what it thinks." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God, we hope this guy's not kidding when he says he's leaving if Obama wins.
Clip after the jump.
CONTINUED »
Every week, a bunch of “real” people say really stupid things on reality TV. These are their stories.
10. "I only arm-wrestle women. Pregnant women, usually." — Matt, The Bachelor
Contrary to early speculation, Paris Hilton will not be a participant in Donald Trump's newest foray into prime time mediocrity, Celebrity Apprentice. Contrary to good taste, the show will go on. Beyond the jump, the participants.
CONTINUED »
In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day—using 17 syllables or less—you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.
Today's Someone Haiku winner is starkitten:
Lindsay’s dead carcass
won't bring in any money.
Pure ain't pure at all.
Nicely done, starkitten.
There's a very good Someone Haiku story after the jump.
CONTINUED »
• Brad's bummed people are picking on Angie. I've got a solution, dude: go chill on your $268 million yacht and tell the world to eat your wildly rich shit. [DListed]
• Desperate Housewives live for shit like this. [PopSugar]
• Warring to decide who first printed that Jared Leto's mediocre in the sack. [Jossip]
• You've gotta feel slightly bad for him at this point. [INO]
• Reg is coming back, baby! [HR]
• Paris is afraid jail time might taint her image. Umm, Paris, people are still taking pictures of you everywhere you go and you have a sex tape out, alleged venereal diseases, publicized pictures of your rampant drug abuse and video evidence of you dancing around while screaming "nigger." As much as it pains me to say it, jail isn't going to taint your image. [IDLYITW]
• Look who needs the Manny now. Rrrawwr. [Celebitchy]
• Paris Hilton: Smart enough to know she's an idiot. Wrap your mind around that. [Faded Youth]
• Dane Cook will not not not say that he never didn't kiss Jessica Simpson. Also, it's opposite day. [PopSugar]
• Geez Ashlee Simpson, what's with the make-up to look more plastic. [Yeeeah]
• Justin was laying the SmackyDown because the paps tried to run over his lady. The rage makes more sense now. [Jossip]
• Breaking! Victoria's Secret models know how to read. [A Socialite's Life]
• Jack Nicholson wants to have sex with your daughter. And your grandmother. And you. [Us Weekly]
• DMX has an illegitimate child because he was raped. Yup, you read that right. [DListed]
• Stephen Baldwin needs to lay off the Jesus Juice. And by Jesus Juice, I mean fake tanner. [CityRag]
• Wait, I'm confused, is Steven Tyler dating Lisa Marie Presley? [DrunkenStepfather]
When I posted that picture of Stephen Baldwin earlier today, I tried to block out of my memory what looked like a book with Stephen's visage on the cover. I was not to be so lucky as to be oblivious of it's existence forever. Yes, the Crazy Jesus Loving Baldwin has a new book titled The Unusual Suspect: My Calling to the New Hardcore Movement of Faith. The concept of it makes my head hurt, but not until I read this interview Stephen did with Radar could I even fathom the level of his nutjobness. Here are some choice quotes, but believe me the whole thing is worth it. At about the third question it's clear that there's something wrong:
Radar: So can you name the seven deadly sins?
SB: Dude, I'm totally clueless.
Sigh, go on…
Radar: Can you name the Ten Commandments.
SB: Gosh, I should know this. I spank my children because they don't know this. Let me think…. Thou shall not kill…. Thou shall not steal…. [Long pause] Honor thy mother and father…. [Another long pause] Shall not covet thy neighbor's wife….Radar: That's four.
SB: Gosh … I can't think…. Do not commit adultery…. Murder!Radar: You did that already.
SB: Dang … hmm … don't use the Lord's name in vain?Radar: Yes.
SB: How many do I have?Radar: Six.
SB: That's it? That's all I got? What's the other four?Radar: They don't make sense to me.
SB: Well, if they don't make sense to you, and you're reading them, how am I supposed to know?Radar: Because you're born-again.
SB: Just because I'm born-again doesn't mean I have to have the Ten Commandments memorized. See, that's the bad rap the born-again thing has gotten. What being born-again means for me is that I'm having so much fun in this interview that we're not going to go out and get an 8-ball of blow tonight and go crazy. That's what born again means to me: Inasmuch as I'd like to do that, gosh, I'll just go home and read some scripture with the wife.
So he's born again but knows not even the most elementary facts about the Bible. Right, that makes sense. After the jump lays the kicker, the best moment of the interview.
CONTINUED »
Editor
