There's no amount of money in the world that would make us sit through the American Music Awards (OK, that's not entirely accurate), so instead of a write-up of the snooze-fest, here's an exhaustive collection of photos. From the looks of things, Miley Cyrus once again made the entire event all about her (and her 16th birthday, which she's been celebrating for the past few months). Surprise, surprise.
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ONLY THE BEST "Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, 60, has checked himself into Las Encinas Hospital drug rehabilitation clinic — the place Dr. Drew practices — in Pasadena, Calif. … Tyler is getting treatment for substance abuse."
• A gross amount of guns. [SH]
• Steven Tyler's gross throat. [DListed]
• Josh Hartnett's gross movie. [PS]
• Heidi Montag's gross pleas for attention. [HT]
• A gross leg grossing around after years of its owner being grossed out by food. [INO]
• Nothing gross here. [ICYDK]
• Any number of gross things here. [Yeeeah]
• Lindsay Lohan's bodyguard being gross and copping a feel. [CityRag]
• Avril Lavigne: "When the hurricane thing happened, I went to my closet, filled six boxes of stuff and said to my assistant, 'Take it to Katrina!'" Oh, boy. Can we give her back to Canada? [DListed]
• He is, but who looks older? [DS]
• So now neither Simpson sister does anything but pose? [HT]
• What do Russians know about Glamour? [Source]
• Let the Transformers derivatives begin! [ICYDK]
• Michael Lohan visits Lindsay and reminisces about when he used to be whacked-out in rehab. [Yeeeah]
• Madonna and Elton John are buds again. I'm sure you were fraught over the whole thing. Rest easy tonight. [CityRag]
Awwwwwww, man! When your toes are so arthritic you've gotta replace your badass boots with some comfy womfy sneakers with kisses on them, you've got to also give up the skin tight jeans and rock 'n' roll t-shirts. It's like your feet are telling on your body.
• Oh, that's why I always cry! [HE]
• Stand by your much more successful friend so that Jay-Z might look favorably upon you when you next need a producer. Right? [DListed]
• Avril Lavigne says she wants to act, clearly forgetting that that's what her entire persona is. [ICYDK]
• The problems start with the hat and they keep going to the annoyed old lady technique of umbrella-as-weapon. [CityRag]
• Pamela Anderson and that damn magician, again. That goddamn Aryan magician haunts my private moments! [DS]
• Bee Movie does have A-list support. [PopSugar]
• Jessica Alba apparently likes her sex like she likes her film roles: absolutely meaningless. [HT]
• Wait, it's bad to have lustful janitors fantasizing about you? [BWE]
• Where do you hide the high-minded idealism when you're spending $140 million on a boat? [PopSugar]
• Everyone loves Halle Berry's breasts. [Egotastic]
• Bonaduce's losing a wife, so somebody will probably be losing an eye. No seriously, that guy's a lunatic. [Glitterati]
• Dude looks at his penis. Dude's definitely not a lady. [IDLYITW]
• Madonna and Timberlake together means you're not going to hear another record in the sorority house for about a million years. [INO]
• Metcalfe to go full frontal and bare his penis and breasts? [ICYDK]
• Fantastic article on a maestro in the subway. [WP]
…'cause that dude is older than your dad, and now he's embarrassing at the beach like your dad, too. Don't get me wrong, in sixth grade I was an Aerosmith superfan just like everyone else. But, the new rule is, if the skin on your ass is starting to look like wet Kleenex, you have to stop doing the sexy/flirty roughhousing thing on the beach with your very young girlfriend who, at a distance, looks disturbingly similar to your daughter. Also, no more beads woven into the hair unless you actually are the fictional character Jack Sparrow (so, not even Johnny Depp can do it). FYI, these pics are like an eclipse, don't stare directly at them or you'll pay.
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