Tracy Morgan's attempt to save money and avoid financial troubles: giving up strip clubs.
I don't do that [bleep] no more. I'll tell my [next] wife to get on the bed and put big [underwear] on and throw $400 at her — then take the money back and go food shopping.
Romance!
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Current American superhero Michael Phelps is still using his timely fame to break my heart. This time around he was at Las Vegas' Tao, but he clearly was not interested in the sleazies dancing in the background. Phew.
On another note, who wears a hood over a hat? And indoors? Minus two points, Mike.
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Ha! In a case of mistaken career, Dita Von Teese, the woman who strips for a living but gets pissed if you call her a stripper, was asked by Prince Charles to perform for his son, Prince Harry, at Harry's birthday party in September.
Charles unwittingly hired the stripper after they met at the Cartier International Polo Tournament and she told him she was a "dancer," forgetting to add that her routine closes with her breasts slick with soapy water and topped by glittery pasties. Oh, won't the Queen be pleased!
Paris Hilton debuted her trashtastic shoe line yesterday at a Las Vegas Macy's, presumably because the only people who would want to wear those hideous things also like to dance on poles.
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Dogpile! Now that media outlets around the country are scrambling for stories about Alex Rodriguez's shattered personal life, no matter how unfounded they might be, strippers on shadowy, dollar-littered stages across this great United States are sashaying forth and bragging that they, too, fucked the married Yankee.
Exotic dancer Candice Houlihan, at left, says she had a loveless, two-night fling with A-Rod in Boston in 2004. And in Detroit, a strip club bartender recently called into a local radio show to claim that A-Rod used to fly one of her colleagues around the country for sex.
Yay, national pastime!
MR HOLLAND'S LAP DANCE "Richard Dreyfuss … spent several hours at Larry Flynt's Hustler Club in Hell's Kitchen the other night, happily ogling the bare-breasted talent. 'He came in with a friend and was enjoying himself so much that when the friend left, he stayed on,' a spy said."
So, those pictures of handsomepants boxer Oscar De La Hoya dressed in drag? Fakes, sports fans!
A group of experts who studied the photos has deemed that they were Photoshopped, just like De La Hoya swore they were and just like nobody believed for a second. Whoopsies.
Who knew strippers, celebrity photo agency X17 and the New York Post could be so unreliable?
The always fashionable Real World: Hollywood cast member Brianna is back this week with another classy outfit one might wear to a wedding, baptism or meet-the-parents date. The poor train wreck must not have any clothes other than her stripper attire — although you would think she could borrow from the other girls in the house. Nah, too much effort. We'll stick to the hot pants/crotch displayer.
Does anyone even watch the Real World anymore? I feel like one of the only viewers the franchise has left, but I will openly admit that I find this season, based in Hollywood, mildly entertaining. There's the usual ignorant tools, but there's also a couple of roommates who are genuinely working on changing themselves, and I find that refreshing. Joey, the guy who looks like a guido, just left the house for a 30-day rehab stint; Brianna, the stripper who is attempting to get her life together, puts in the effort but has yet to grasp the concept of appropriate attire.
At right, her idea of what to wear to a court hearing.
The Real World: Hollywood premiered last night, and it's safe to say every single one of the houseguests are tools.
From left: Greg aka PretyBoy, who was voted into the house by the idiotic Internet community and refers to women as "associates"; Dave, the dumb jock who will get in every girls' pants; Kimberly, the Jessica Simpson wannabe; Brianna, the former stripper who has a warrant out for her arrest for beating up her ex-boyfriend; Joey (hiding in the back), the hot-headed guy who works out obsessively; Sarah, the girl with a boyfriend who kissed someone else on the first episode; and Will, the one who started to prove us wrong until he decided he couldn't talk to Brianna anymore because she strips and then kissed the girl with a boyfriend.
So who do you think was the biggest tool of the night?
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In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.
Today's Someone Haiku winner is Stoney:
Bet your ass her house
is shabby chic and one kid
is named Madison
That was very funny, Stoney. Well done.
New one after the jump.
CONTINUED »
Get ready, Jenna Jameson's newest project, Zombie Strippers, is almost here. Unbelievably, the non-pornographic (depending on your definition of "pornographic") film is being shown in theaters beginning April 18, but only for a limited time in select cities. It's supposed to be frightening, but we think the idea of strippers becoming aggressive automatons is actually uplifting.
After the jump, the trailer.
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The clip originally attached to this post somehow – through the magic of the Internets – morphed from a slightly trashy music video into an extremely trashy gay orgy video. Sorry.
It looks like Tila Tequila – aptly named, as she makes most people sick – has graduated from bi-curious reality star to irrelevant pop star. Upgrade!
As one does when honing a flash-in-the-pan bubblegum career, Tequila has hastily thrown together a conservatively budgeted music video. Made for a song entitled "Stripper Friends," the video's concept is quite simple: Tila Tequila is a violent stripper. Anything to keep one's attention off the music, we suppose.
You had to know this was inevitable: The Diablo Cody n00dz have arrived, and they include pierced nipples, acrylic nails and multicolored dreadlocks! Because the Internets like to humiliate people who are doing well for themselves.
ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE From Page Six's "Sightings" section: "Two dozen wounded soldiers from Iraq, on leave from the Walter Reed military hospital in DC, at the Hustler Club, showing their appreciation to the saintly strippers by branding them with Marine Corps stickers on their breasts and derrières."
In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.
Today's Someone Haiku winner is lale:
Homage to Anna?
Pathetic, blonde and over-
rated: two big boobs.
Very well done. That choice was more difficult than it's been in a while, slackers.
New one after the jump.
CONTINUED »
Those Kardashian-Jenner's have more class than school! On last night's premiere episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, not only did Kylie – Kim's 9-year-old half-sister – defile a stripper pole like a true working girl ("Look what I can do!"), we discovered the reason she has such a pole on which to simulate sex is because Kim gave it to their parents as an anniversary gift. So warped are they!
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Milana Dravnel, the woman who last week came forward with stories and pictures depicting Oscar De La Hoya's interest in cross-dressing, is now substantially changing her story, saying that she can't be certain of the authenticity of the photographs.
Pictures of De La Hoya "were taken from my personal camera and were out of my control," Dravnel said last night. "I was pressured into going public with the photos by certain individuals who had improper motives and acted solely for their own financial gain. I have not received any money from the sale or use of these photos."
Dravnel would not go so far as to say that all the pictures were doctored. Asked about specific shots — such as one that appears to show her getting a hug from the tutu-wearing pugilist — she declined to comment.
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