A woman spent $3 million dollars on a Superbowl ad in hopes of catching the perfect beer-gut slouch of a husband. You can tell that Amy Borkowsky here is desperate because she describes her age as "somewhere between Carrie and Samantha," and also refers to dating as "a game," meaning she's read that Neil Strauss book from front to back.
Four years after Janet Jackson’s infamous Super Bowl “wardrobe malfunction,” a federal appeals court ruled that the Federal Communications Commission “acted arbitrarily and capriciously” in issuing a $550,000 indecency fine to CBS. That's kind of an understatement.
SPEND MONEY TO MAKE MONEY "NBC Universal, a unit of General Electric Co, plans to say next week that the entry price for a 2009 Super Bowl 30-second ad will be $3 million, the Wall Street Journal said on Tuesday. The $3 million mark has never been the starting price for a commercial at the Super Bowl, though individual slots have sold for that much before, the report said. Prices to buy a 30-second spot for the 2008 Super Bowl averaged $2.7 million …"
What's the matter, destitute Nicaraguan kid? Can't get excited about that tent of a shirt celebrating something you've never heard of and that was only given to you because overeager profiteers hedged their bets? Well, try being a Cardinals fan. Then you'll have something to whine about.
Pictures removed at the request of the copyright holder.
Thank God for Jessica Simpson, y'all.
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo could have been in Arizona yesterday playing in the biggest game of the year. But Jessica had to whisk him away to Mexico before the playoffs, thus ruining the season for the Cowboys and the entire state of Texas.
But obviously Tony got the last laugh: He spent Super Bowl Sunday hauling around Jessica's dog, Daisy. And then he probably hung out at the Simpson household while Papa Joe stared at Jessica's boobs and she busted out old buffalo wing jokes.
You hear that? That's the sound of Nick Lachey laughing his ass off.
Here's Paula Abdul's absolutely terrible pre-taped Super Bowl performance, which highlights the choreographer/singer's new single and completely belies her job titles.
The song to which she lip syncs is called "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow" and Jossip overlord David Hauslaib thinks there's a possibility Abdul didn't sing the original. ("Not her voice," he speculates.) If that is, indeed, the case and the music industry finds out, it will be shaken to the core in a way it hasn't since the rise and fall of Milli Vanilli. Quelle scandale!
Did somebody say anachronistically racist commercial?
In case you were taking a bathroom break when it aired, let's revisit this SalesGenie.com Super Bowl ad, wherein two pandas named Ching Ching and Ling Ling speak in broken English about how to save their bamboo furniture business. Ling Ling, who can't stop eating the furniture, says they need a "sawes miracoh." A sign in the store advertises "sofaz." I mean, really?
Anyone else think the lights accompanying Tom Petty's halftime show looked a bit too similar to the production of a zygote?
Fancy phones, corporate sponsorship, giants, war heroes, stars and stripes, football, sunny days, television, crowds and brotherly love. God bless America!
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The Dallas Cowboys' Roy Williams and Marion Barber probably expected to be in Arizona this weekend under different circumstances, but Jessica Simpson ruined that for them. The boys made the best of their situation by scoring lots of free stuff at the Super Bowl gift lounge. Who needs dignity when you can pose with some free watches you could have bought yourself?
But they weren't the only ones hawking the swag. Joey Fatone, Jordin Sparks, Kevin Sorbo and Wyclef Jean also got in on the ridiculousness. We hope the free Bratz dolls were worth it.
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I knew the Super Bowl was going to mean disaster for Arizona. Natives of the state are well aware that its proximity to California often works against it, and this weekend every vodka-swilling vulture in LA will sharpen their beaks and come to feed upon the splendors of the greatest state in the Union. I haven't been this happy to not be home since my parents' divorce.
Most of the outsiders look to have set up camp in Scottsdale, as the laughable tourists (and very laughable natives) always do, so they're not an immediate threat to the people and places I love, but they're close enough.
Be strong, AZ, it'll all be over Sunday.
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So, everyone loves the commercials during the Super Bowl, right? That said, here's something interesting and indicative of where things are headed. Above is the introductory commercial for Apple's Macintosh. It aired only once, during the Super Bowl in 1984, and, after that, it was heralded as possibly the best commercial in the history of advertising. Below that is Kevin Federline's controversial Nationwide Insurance ad to be aired later today during the game.
WHOA! We go from Orwellian referencing to Federline frying? What happened?
Although I will admit that, at the time, I liked the Budweiser frogs. And the one where the kid at the beach sucks himself into the Pepsi bottle. Remember that? Was it a Coke bottle?
I once heard from a hippie acquaintance of mine that Super Bowl Sundays always have the highest incidences of domestic violence. Have you ever heard that? Regardless, it took about two seconds to prove that she was wrong, and that having an interest in football today doesn't necessarily make a person a wife hitting meat-head. Alas, as someone who finds football categorically boring, I really selfishly wanted to believe that that was true as a way to better validate my disinterest in the "big game." But, I can't, and every year I'm stuck realizing what it feels like to be a Jewish kid on Christmas.
My saving grace every year is that I am very interested in chips and dips. They're a true passion of mine and, where there's Super Bowl, chips and dips are sure to follow. If there's enough of a variety, I can usually kill a couple hours with the guacamole before finishing the game off with French onion and salsa.
So, if you're like me, here's to good guac, sturdy chips and nobody noticing that you're double dipping. And, if you're looking for something to do while scarfing, here's one of the greatest time-wasting websites: www.overheardinnewyork.com. Eat too many Doritos while reading some amazingly funny, eavesdropped conversations, like this one:
Gucci girl #1: Okay, let's play 'Would You Rather?'!
Gucci girl #2: Okay.
Gucci girl #1: Would you rather… be an auto mechanic or… die of breast cancer?
–F train
Have fun!
Editor
