As you depart for the weekend, we'd like to leave you with this video of a Huntington Beach man who could easily pass as Matthew McConaughey's twin. He's glorious in every sense of the word and speaks in a language that can only be deciphered by cats and small dogs. SO PITTED.

Beach blanket belligerence!

A group of paparazzi and the Malibu surfers who attacked them last weekend – to protect the privacy of Matthew McConaughey, say the surfers – have taken to Web site comment boards to taunt and threaten one another with promises of future attacks. What began as just standard American race-bating has become promises of a photographer vs surfer beach rumble, set to go down this Saturday. Unfortunately, we don't think there's enough time between then and now to come up with a way to knock Southern California into the briny depths, so, if you're in the area, go and watch these idiots smash each other's hollow heads like so many tan jack-o'-lanterns. And take pictures!

After the jump, some of the really witty verbal jabs.

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Gawd, is there anything worse than rich kids from California?

This weekend in Malibu, a bunch of tanned turds in board shorts chased some paparazzi down the beach before physically assaulting them and smashing their cameras. The surfers, upset that the photographers were filming Matthew McConaughey on their beach, also called the paparazzi "faggots" and demanded that they "get a real job."

"This is a real job," a photographer is heard to say in the video after the jump. "What do you do?" "I fuckin' drink beer and party," replies one young assailant. To which his friend adds, "WHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Click through and weep for the future.

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