• Too much hotness in one video: Anderson Cooper and Michael Phelps take to the pool.

• Tom Cruise allowed his family to have a nice, quiet Thanksgiving at home. Just kidding, he paraded them out in front of the paparazzi, as usual. [PS]

• Another lukewarm "Womanizer" performance by Britney Spears. [Yeeeah]

• And the Britney mediocrity continues, this time in Glamour magazine. [HT]

• When did Shia LaBeouf turn into a homeless person? [INO]

• Worst rumor of the week: Mary-Kate Olsen is pregnant. Xenu help us all. [ICYDK]

If any other mommy and little girl decided to stop for a moment on the street to tie a shoe or pick up a dropped doll, a second look wouldn't be warranted. And then there is Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise.

CONTINUED »

Scientology's biggest advocate and worst spokesperson, Tom Cruise, is addressing that whole misunderstanding in which he jumped up and down on Oprah's couch like a crazy person. Of course, none of it makes much sense:

There are things that I could have done better. I could have handled things better. I was surprised at the criticism but it brought everyone closer together: Katie's entire family and my family. Going through that stuff is not pleasant and I think it hit an extreme, but Kate's a very sure and confident and strong woman. She gets it, you know.

She gets that you're insane? That's good. And on to daughter Suri, who is constantly paraded in front of the paparazzi like a circus pony:

I don't want her to be afraid of people. I'm not going to live in fear or have her be frightened of people. She's very open and warm with lots of love and understanding. She's happy and fun. She'll just wave to people in the street.

Fair enough, Tom, but remember: It's one thing to raise a child to be friendly, it's another to raise a child to be emotionally unstable. We have a feeling you're teetering on the latter scenario.

• Tom Cruise on his career: "I love movies. Yeah, man, I love movies!" Riveting. [PS]

• Nicole Kidman really needs to purchase herself a new face and start over. [DListed]

• Suri Cruise lands on another coveted Hollywood list — this time, however, nobody is calling her "hot." Progress! [INO]

• Britney Spears needs a new hat. And, more importantly, a new life. But we'll focus on the hat for now. [CityRag]

• Finally, an explanation regarding Karolina Kurkova's missing belly button. [ICYDK]

• Kim Catrall does not look 52. [Yeeeah]

• Guess who's posing for Playboy. [DListed]

• Amy Winehouse finally dumped Blake Incarcerated, but you know it won't last for long. [Yeeeah]

• Beyonce introduces the latest line of annoying celebrity eyewear. Kanye would be proud. [INO]

• For your viewing (dis)pleasure: All of last night's American Music Awards performances. [HT]

• Hollywood's newest (and prettiest) couple: Leonardo DiCaprio and Zac Efron. [PS]

• Suri Cruise is totally over the paparazzi. [ICYDK]

• Good news, everybody: The world's fattest man has consummated his marriage. [DListed]

• Alert the media! Suri Cruise is wearing a jacket! [PS]

• Gwyneth Paltrow apologizes for wearing fur because, like us, PETA scares the bejeezus out of her. [INO]

• Eva Longoria wears Spanx. Fascinating. [HT]

• Winona Ryder was rushed to the hospital after overdosing on a flight. Look, if you wanted attention you could have just asked. [Yeeeah]

• Lara Flynn Boyle looks to be a healthy weight. If she were nine years old. [ICYDK]

THIS IS GOOD FOR THE KIDS • "Suri Cruise is hotter than Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's kids. At least according to Forbes.com's 'Hollywood's 10 Hottest Tots.' Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' 2-year-old daughter topped the second annual list, which ranks celeb kids 5 years old and younger based on media attention and their parents' popularity."

[Source]

Apparently some people are rioting out of concern for Suri Cruise and her lack of a coat in the New York City cold. Sure, it's pretty chilly outside and those little sleeves on her designer dress aren't going to keep the 2-year-old warm, but we'd say this is the least of her worries.

If we're going to complain about the child's need for a heavy jacket, we should also address her need for parents who don't use every trip to Baby Gap as a photo shoot. By this point, Suri surely knows each member of the NYC paparazzi brigade on a first-name basis.

[Source]

• Sarah Jessica Parker does her civic duty and frightens others into voting for Barack Obama.[ICYDK]

• Mariah Carey actually looks like a more respectable citizen on Halloween than she does any other day. [DListed]

• Beyonce — excuse us, "Sasha Fierce" — is becoming increasingly more annoying by the day. [Yeeeah]

• Why do people still insist on using the word "maverick"? [INO]

• Suri Cruise is slowly turning into Katie Holmes, who is slowly turning into Tom Cruise. [PS]

• You can dress them up, but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are still the most annoying couple of all time. [HT]

[Source]

• Britney Spears takes her kids to the pumpkin patch; everyone survives. [PS]

• Paris Hilton is flying into space and fears she may never come back. We don't see a problem with that. [INO]

• Michael Jackson emerges from his cave to frighten the citizens of LA. [DListed]

• Katie Holmes has two different sets of teeth. [Yeeeah]

• Everyone's talking about it, but we still have no idea why: Suri Cruise got a haircut. [ICYDK]

• Hayden Panettiere wears men's boxers, which is the most exciting thing she's done in a long time. [HT]

[Source]

• By popular demand: The other clip of Sarah Palin's Saturday Night Live appearance. [Yeeeah]

• Jennifer Aniston is reportedly pregnant with John Mayer's baby. We'll wait until the National Enquirer confirms this before we believe it. [INO]

• Guy Ritchie on sex with Madonna: It's like "cuddling up to a piece of gristle." [CityRag]

• Tara Reid reminds us of the dangers of too much plastic surgery. [ICYDK]

• Suri Cruise tries to make a run for it after Tom forces her to pose for pictures. What a dad. [DListed]

• Dakota Fanning performed with her high school cheerleading squad over the weekend while her new movie debuted at the box office. Just like us! [PS]

• Say hello to Hugh Hefner's potential new girlfriends. [Yeeeah]

• Bad Idea No. 7219: Someone is bringing 10 Things I Hate About You to the small screen. [INO]

• Everyone can breathe a sigh of relief: Brody Jenner has found The One. For this month. [ICYDK]

• Beyonce shocks the world by admitted she married Jay-Z. And by "shocks" we mean "bores." [PS]

• Suri Cruise is learning how to run away from her creepy parents. Good for her. [DListed]

• Britney Spears wears a bra out in public. Progress! [HT]

• Angelina Jolie has two new tattoos. Alert the media! [PS]

• Guess which two Hills idiots are hanging out again. [HT]

• Amy Winehouse's nose is falling off, but we'd say that's the least of her worries. [Yeeeah]

• Tom Cruise is a decent human being sometimes. Crazy, but decent. [INO]

• Speaking of Tom: He's working baby Suri to the bone, poor thing. [DListed]

• Fashion Week continues to make us scared and confused. Is that lady wearing pantyhose on her head? Is her body backwards? Nobody knows. [ICYDK]

[Source]

We care about our readers, so this is a public service announcement: The world is ending. How do we know this? Simple: It says in the Book of Xenu that a handful of celebrities will be arrested within a matter of days, then the Clay Aiken Claby will arrive at 8:08 on 08/08/08, and finally, both Brangelina and Britney Spears will step foot in New York City at the same time.

The final step occurred today when Brad and Angelina arrived in Manhattan with their army of children in tow, while Britney also spent her day with some kids in the Bronx. You know what comes next: The battle for the world's soul between Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and Suri Cruise (yeah, she's here too). … Or maybe we've had too much to drink. We blame Sarah Palin. She killed Rupert, you know.

CONTINUED »

Suri Cruise confuses us because one moment she is in the running for Most Adorable Celebrity Baby of All Time and the next she's scaring the living daylights out of us. Here she is enjoying a day out in NYC's West Village with Katie doing all the things most children enjoy — dancing, talking to inanimate objects and avoiding the paparazzi.

[Source]

• If Tom Cruise allowed Katie Holmes to drink alcohol. [CityRag]

• Most bizarre feud ever: Roseanne vs. Angelina Jolie. [INO]

• Tori Spelling reminds us of why plastic surgery isn't always the answer. [Yeeeah]

• When did Lauren Conrad turn into Ashlee Simpson? [PS]

• Malaysia thinks Avril Lavigne is "too sexy." That makes one of us. [ICYDK]

• Jennifer Lopez is training for a triathlon, but we have a feeling this will never come to fruition. [DListed]

Tom Cruise arrived in Manhattan to follow Katie around town and parade Suri in front of the cameras to distract us with her cuteness. Suri really hates the paparazzi, doesn't she? And at such a young age. It's almost unsettling.

[Source]

The lovely Suri Cruise has already developed a resentment for the paparazzi, as evidenced by her attempt to hide her face after attending a Broadway performance of The Little Mermaid. She truly is wise beyond her years.

[Source]