Now that she's done with that whole running for Vice President of the United States thing, Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin is kicking back and relaxing poolside in an XXL T-shirt (guess she had to return all those fancy elitist clothes) and a tabloid in hand. Of course, it's not all fun and games: The Protector Against Russia was in Miami to attend the Republican Governor's Conference. Hard at work!

(Check out the rest of the photos here.)

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By the time you read this, I will be hopping on a subway headed downtown to meet my future fiance, Michael Phelps. He's hosting an event and doing red carpet interviews, so I am contractually obligated to remain professional and classy for the majority of the evening; there will, however, be an open bar, so I can't promise this self-control will last the entire night. The experience will be a success if he professes his undying love for me. Wish me luck, and I'll have the full write-up for you first thing tomorrow.

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Is everybody sitting down? I have some exciting news: Next week I will be dispatched to cover an event hosted by none other than Michael Phelps! I'll give you a minute to stop squealing.

As you can imagine, I've been preparing for this moment my entire life — so I decided to ask for your input, dear readers: What should I ask Michael when I interview him on the red carpet (or as I follow him around throughout the evening)? All suggestions welcome. (Keep it clean; I am a classy lady.)

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America is slowly overdosing on Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, but it warms our heart to see he's actually doing some good with his popularity, besides just spending his free time rolling around in money and ruining upcoming episodes of SNL.

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Now that President King Dictator Michael Phelps has won the Olympics — literally, the whole shebang is his — what's next? Doubtful that a guy could win eight gold medals in Beijing and then go back to Maryland with his dog to swim laps in the Potomac, although that looks as if it's Mikey's game-plan. Luckily, the money from Phelp's endorsements might last him long enough to buy a place in a nicer neighborhood than Baltimore; Speedo is writing him a cheque for $1 million as part of its promise for him winning eight gold medals, and that's on top of their existing endorsement deal, his sponorship gigs for Visa, Hilton, and Kellogg's (among others).

It leaves little doubt Phelps will add "richest Olympian" to his roster of personal records. But he's going to accomplish a more incredible feat: remaining relevant after the closing ceremonies. Indeed, where other celebrity Olympians disappeared into oblivion after their medal ceremonies, we see Phelps reaching the success of pro athletes who compete in leagues identified by three-letter acronyms.

Here's how:

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