Thanks to reader anonymous, who reminded me about this clip I was meaning to post all day. Like the Texan that I am, I spent my Thanksgiving afternoon watching the Cowboys game and witnessing my little sister get entirely too excited about the promise of the Jonas Brothers' halftime performance. Wow, were they horrible. Sure, 'NSync wasn't exactly the epitome of musical genius, but these guys made dogs across America howl in pain. Perhaps the boys should stick to lip-syncing until they've made it all the way through puberty.
So let's talk about Britney: For the Record, shall we? We'll admit that we were counting the hours until it debuted last night on MTV (no life alert!), and it did not disappoint. The entire hour and 10 minutes was captivating, but not in a good way — poor Brit tugged at our heartstrings during most of the show, especially when she broke down in tears and later when she explained her former crazy ways:
I just remember I did not want to be at home because, like, my babies represented home. That was my home, with them. And every time I went home, it was like, 'Oh God, I can't be here.' So when I was in my car and when I was driving I was going somewhere.
Other highlights from the documentary included her father, Jamie Spears, singing "Womanizer," a frightening paparazzi scene in NYC and a guest appearance by Madonna, who spouted some Kabbalah nonsense about how a healthy response is to ask what you were thinking. Yeah, we don't get it either.
When all is said and done, it's quite obvious that Britney is not happy with the current state of her life and feels that nobody is listening to her. MTV tried to tie it up with a pretty little ribbon at the end with a quote from a friend about how Brit's desire to perform is back, but we still walked away feeling incredibly disturbed. See what you've done, America?
Sad news, everybody: Rosie O'Donnell's Thanksgiving variety show didn't survive past the first performance. We admittedly didn't watch, because anybody who gives "talk to the hand" is not worthy of our viewership, but evidently we weren't alone: Only 5 million suckers tuned in Friday night to "Rosie Live."
When asked about what went wrong, Rosie expressed her wisdom through a couple of non-haikus: CONTINUED »
Britney Spears has been wisely testing the waters all weekend by performing overseas before bringing her lip-syncing show back to America. On Thursday she performed at a German awards show before hitting up a French talent competition on Friday and the UK's X Factor on Saturday (clip above). When asked to give advice to the X Factor contestants, Brit wisely suggested, "Just keep doing it." Here's an idea: Let's not ask Britney Spears for advice. She still has a long way to go. Her "Womanizer" performance is leaps and bounds better than the VMA disaster of '07, but it's nothing to write home about.
Finally! After days of waiting for more information about A Double Shot at Love with the Ikki Twins, a preview — and all of its accompanying STDs — has hit YouTube. And good news: It's every bit the famewhore cesspool we imagined.
Just another step forward for the GLBT community.
Not content to just disappear into the abyss of obscurity, Mariah Carey frolicked over to Ellen DeGeneres' show to play coy about the latest batch of pregnancy rumors. When Carey simply said "No, that's OK," in response to Ellen's question as to whether or not the singer is expecting, Ellen got smart and offered her champagne:
But Carey tells her it's 'just fattening. That's not champagne. You can't have it on TV.'
DeGeneres then tells her, 'Let's toast to you not being pregnant.'
Replies Carey, 'Oh, my goodness! I can't believe her! Why would we toast to that? How about to the future?'
Now, if this were any other celebrity we would say, "OMG she's totally preggers!" but this is Mariah we're talking about — she's just desperate for attention in any form or fashion. Sorry, Nick Cannon, you won't be cashing in on your fortune just yet.
Last night's season finale of Dancing With the Stars was only two hours but felt like eight, and was made even worse in the last half hour with a performance by teenage a-hole Miley Cyrus. We're going to venture out on a limb here and predict that the majority of the show's audience is in the older age bracket, so why on earth would the producers allow a seizure-inducing light show to take place for two and a half minutes? Surely this is against some type of health code.
Above is a clip from tonight's Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion special, which is basically an hour of everyone hating on Kim, the show's resident "singer." We don't care so much about who's fighting with whom — we just want to know if Kim will continue gifting the world with her beautiful voice. And don't worry, she will. Explains the next Whitney Houston:
The singing in the studio was horrific. What was that? It made for good television. We had been in the studio hours and hours that day and most people know your producer doesn’t sing or stand next to you. He’s on the soundboard. So it made for good television, but my album will speak for itself. … I’m actually working with WEJ Records, it’s an independent label, and they’re negotiating a contract for major distribution.
You hear that? Add it to your Christmas wish list now!
Some interesting stuff actually happened on The Hills last night, which is a shame because everything was overshadowed by Heidi and Spencer's Wedding of the Century. On the show, Audrina found out that Lauren and Justin Bobby may or may not have hooked up (we're going to go with "no way in hell"), which led to lots of tears in the middle of public places. But the real talk of the night — at least on the series' aftershow — revolved around the Speidi marriage.
Holly Montag, sister of Heidi and roommate of Lauren, took to the talk show to discuss the idiocy of the wedding and appear genuinely sad. She acted like a sister should, claiming she would always love Heidi regardless of her stupid, stupid actions — but visibly teared up when discovering that the couple actually married days ago. Sucks finding out along with the rest of the Us Weekly crowd, huh?
Horatio Sanz fell into that "fat funny guy on Saturday Night Live" that always seemed to be hazardous for its occupants health. John Belushi, Chris Farley, and their drug/alcohol problems automatically come to mind. But by the beginning of the new millennium, Lorne Michaels seemed to have learned his lesson, and picked an actor who, while not quite shining like Belushi or Farley, seemed a lot more emotionally stable.
But what has Horatio been doing since he left SNL in 2006? Exercising and eating at Subways, apparently.
Are you guys ready for the "after" pic? You are definitely not ready:
Rosie O'Donnell, keeper of Mollygood's trolls, pranced over to The Today Show to discuss with Meredith Viera her upcoming (and ill-advised) variety show that is scheduled to torment your television sets this week. Naturally, the two former View moderators discussed Rosie's latest feud with Barbara Walters, which is likely not going to end anytime soon seeing as how Ro just can't keep her mouth shut. Time must have run short, because Meredith forgot to ask about the infamous Mollygood Celebrity Encounter that everyone's talking about (441 comments and counting, really?). Better luck next time.
Unlike, say, Barack Obama, Saturday Night Live had no problem filling that Rahm Emanuel spot during this week's broadcast. Because although there is only one African-American cast member right now on the show, there's at least 50 Jews hanging out in the green room.
THEM'S FIGHTING WORDS • "In her new fly-on-the-wall documentary for MTV, [Britney Spears] is caught during a candid moment shopping with her assistant. As she holds up a blouse, she says, 'Look, this is very mommy.' Her assistant replies, 'It's very ugly.' Britney wrinkles her nose and laughs, 'It is very Katie Holmes.'"
There's no amount of money in the world that would make us sit through the American Music Awards (OK, that's not entirely accurate), so instead of a write-up of the snooze-fest, here's an exhaustive collection of photos. From the looks of things, Miley Cyrus once again made the entire event all about her (and her 16th birthday, which she's been celebrating for the past few months). Surprise, surprise.
Click through for more photos than your little mouse can click. CONTINUED »
Welp, Lorne Michaels has (begrudgingly, we're sure) decided to hire a new cast member for Saturday Night Live, this one a black male who can pretend to be Barack Obama in poorly written comedy sketches for the next four to eight years. Currently, Fred Armisen, who's of Hispanic, European and Japanese descent, plays the role of Obama on SNL.
After the jump, two of the front-runners in the search for the fake Barack, Wyatt Cenac and Jordan Carlos. We think Carlos has him beat, but who knows! SNL hasn't made any good decisions in years.
Lipstick Jungle, the NBC Sex and the City-style show that's still in danger of being axed from the network's prime-time lineup, must be getting really desperate to create a buzz. On the show's "behind the scenes" YouTube channel, a video just went up with this caption: "Oh. My God. You're NEVER gonna believe what I caught on the set of Lipstick Jungle!!! Robert Buckley AKA Kirby OUT OF CONTROL!!! AND HOTTER THEN EVER!! GRRRR!!!"
Uh, no. We're not going to complain about Robert Buckley stripping down to his skivvies, but this is so painfully set up and awkward that we can't help but roll our eyes. How did this one show get so out of touch with reality?
It's about time someone finally gave us more information on the latest installment of MTV's A Shot at Love with the Ikki Twins, Rikki and Vikki. The reality competition, a sure sign of the end of days, will begin Dec. 9 with 12 straight men and 12 gay women vying for the affections of these STD-ridden whores.
So who are these women who will soon capture the hearts of Americans both young and old? They have quite a resume, having worked for Hooters, Import Tuner, Fast & Sexy and Playboy. And for those of you hoping to romance the women, listen up: Rikki says she likes to "watch the Padres at Hooters and have the date take care of the bill" while Vikki prefers to "be in a bikini and there'll be candles, a blanket on the sand and a big bowl of chocolate!" Klassy.
See these smiling, joyous faces? They won't be around this year, because Oprah is no longer doing her Favorite Things, thanks to the flatlining economy. Well, technically she is, but it's all going to be stuff she dug out of a dumpster in her studio's back alley. According to Harpo, the show "will showcase some of Winfrey's things that cost next to nothing, including a special gift that won't cost a thing."
Did you hear that? Hugs for everyone!
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