LIFE IS TOUGH FOR RINGO STARR "Former Beatle Ringo Starr will no longer sign memorabilia for fans and will throw away all fan mail he receives in the future, he has said. 'Please do not send fan mail to any address you have,' he said in a video message on his website. 'Nothing will be signed after the 20th of October. If that is the date on the envelope, it's gonna be tossed. I'm warning you with peace and love I have too much to do.'"

Professional rapper Nas says he's thankful Yoko Ono broke up The Beatles, thereby allowing his hero John Lennon to thrive as a solo artist. According to Nas, without Yoko giving him the strength to drop his wack crew, Lennon might never have gone on to pen canonical works like "Imagine" and "Give Peace a Chance."

As usual, Nasty Nas is right. Eff The Beatles and the way everyone loves them because their parents have told them to. John Lennon carried that band and Paul McCartney is an old relic who's lost his luster. All hail the egomaniacal Yoko!

After the jump, John and Yoko's notorious "n-word" tune, a song the MC behind Nigger can no doubt appreciate.

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SORRY ELVIS "Mariah Carey is at it again — No. 1, that is. 'Touch My Body,' the singer's first single from her new album, E=MC2, went straight to the top of the Billboard Hot 100. The achievement marks Carey's 18th No. 1 single, surpassing Elvis Presley's record of 17. She is now poised to surpass the Beatles' all-time high of 20 No. 1 singles."

This week's American Idol proved that The Beatles should never let a reality show touch their music ever again. This was week two of stealing from the songbook, and the contestants defied any preconceived notions that they would improve on last week's performances. Everything was pretty terrible, and not in a fun trainwreck kind of way. The only entertaining moment was courtesy of David Cook, which pains us to say because he totally knows he's awesome.

We're probably going to receive death threats from 13-year-olds around the country after saying this, but David Archuleta is painfully annoying. Sure, he's adorable. And he has a great voice. The problem is he reminds us of a child star who has been groomed for the American Idol stage since he was in the womb, what with his cheesy hand gestures and "aw, shucks" attitude. And then last night he had to go and butcher a Beatles song, forgetting the words multiple times and awkwardly fidgeting around like he was at a middle school dance.

If we're right, and The Beatles are dying in order of talent, then your great-grandchildren are going find themselves bored with the antics of Ringo Starr.

Those aren't peace signs, that's how many more centuries he plans on riding the "Octopus's Garden" wave.

[Source]