Tiny Dancer In My Hand

• Another adorable animal bites the dust. Life isn't fair. [DListed]

Demi Lovato, one of the newest little Disney stars, fell on stage during a performance. The good news is people are going to know her name for a couple days. [Yeeeah]

The Hills' Whitney Port and her new boyfriend need to work on coordinating their outfits a little more successfully. [INO]

• All these photos of Britney Spears shopping in LA remind us of the Sam Lutfi days, and those aren't good memories. [PS]

Aubrey O'Day is offended that people compare her to Paris Hilton. Paris agrees. [ICYDK]

Hayden Panettiere shouldn't look this weird in a bikini. [HT]

Aug 26, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 12 Responses

Spencer Pratt entertained us yet again on last night's episode of The Hills with a thought-provoking speech on foreign relations and family values. Frustrated that his sister, Stephanie, is still "rolling around with LC," Spence declared that he wished he could make her his un-sister and then shot down Steph's hopes that one day everyone would just be civil: "It's like trying to tell Iran and Israel to get along. Its not gonna happen." … We're not even going to touch that statement.

Aug 26, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 9 Responses
Life Isn't Fair

As if the cast of The Hills wasn't annoying enough, now come reports of the idiots' wages per episode (spoiler alert: they're overpaid).

In a world where Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox are raking in seven-figure salaries for a single movie, it should come as no surprise that LC makes a cool $75,000 per episode ??? totaling over $1.4 million for this season alone. Spencer and Heidi are a close second with $65K per episode; Audrina, $35K; Whitney, $20K; Brody and Lo (!!), $10K. But the real loser in all this is Stephanie Pratt: Not only is she related to Spencer, but she gets the least amount of money at only $8K per episode. Poor thing.

Aug 25, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 49 Responses

Thank goodness The Hills returned last night ??? Mondays simply weren't the same without Spencer Pratt and his creepy flesh-colored beard gracing our television sets. Apparently this season's Speidi storyline will revolve around Heidi's sister, Holly, because the couple has no other friends and needs a new punching bag. The manufactured drama isn't necessarily interesting in the least, but we are consistently entertained by Spence's ability to raise the bar every week with his d-bag abilities. In the scene at left, Spencer welcomes Holly into his home the only way he knows how: By forcing her to watch him play X-Box while he ignores her.

Aug 19, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 5 Responses

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, America's junk food, told Extra in a new interview that, when they get married, it will be on live television. Presumably, this is so they can be continue to be just like their predecessors, Charles and Diana.

Asked if she would leave The Hills once a married woman, Montag replied oh so tellingly, "No, where would I go?"

[Source]

Aug 19, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 18 Responses
The Rest Is Still Unwritten

So in case you haven't heard, tonight is the season four premiere of MTV "reality" hit The Hills. Over the last three seasons it's become fairly obvious that there's rarely anything real about the show except for Spencer and Heidi's douchiness, so we've compiled our five favorite fake moments in the history of The Hills. Feel free to add your own if they didn't make the cut.

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Aug 18, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 4 Responses
Fail

Too much time has passed since Heidi Montag's latest assault on music, and luckily for us the "singer" decided to release a new single just in time for tonight's season premiere of The Hills. The new song is called "Overdosin" and makes us want to follow the title's lead. Between this and that other travesty, "One More Drink," we're a little confused as to what Heidi is trying to tell us. We can only hope it involves some sort of death ??? and yes, we are aware that it's unfortunate how this famewhore has driven us to wishing that upon a person.

Aug 18, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 23 Responses
Universes collide when rising stars meet the black hole that is LC's career


LC, the star of the number one show (used in Jihad-training videos on why America is the great devil) The Hills, wants to branch out. She told on E! Online, ???I love Gossip Girl, I just love it. It???s so gossipy and superficial. It???s amazing.??? She want on to mention that she'd like to do a guest-spot, ala Lydia Hearst last season. The problem is Hearst, while not exactly Katherine Hepburn, has never given viewers reason to think that she plausibly can't act, and LC has spent her teenage and early adulthood proving that she is incapable of any emotion besides pouting and having really shiny hair (that's her favorite emotion).

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Aug 15, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 4 Responses

Oh. Goodie. First came L.A.'s The Hills. Next will come its New York spin-off. And this fall, we'll also be treated to a D.C. version of white girls of privilege. From something called PB&J Television (they produced Sports Illustrated's model reality show) comes Washington's attempt at "unscripted" reality, with an as-yet-untitled show that's set to start filming in September and rushed to air by November. And how do we know it's a sure thing? Well, you never really know, but Lifetime did pick it up and supposedly plans to air it immediately following Project Runway, which it's stealing from Bravo to create quite the perfect lead-in. "Casting hasn't been finalized, according to one source, but the primary characters — local socialites/hotties/20-somethings Katherine Kennedy, Krista Johnson and Sophie Pyle — remain on board. Johnson???s younger sister, Alexa Johnson, will also play a role in the show, most likely, although she and the show are still working out specifics. The Johnson sisters are alumnae of South Carolina???s College of Charleston, Kennedy graduated from Loyola Marymount and Pyle is taking a semester off from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill." Also, they plan on being "more realistic":

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Aug 12, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 22 Responses
The Shills

Why is Lauren Conrad's new Entertainment Weekly cover so creepy? Could be because it's damn horrifying that people are still talking about these Hills snots. But it probably has more to do with Conrad's eyes – why so deer-in-headlights, you nut? – which don't pair well with the news that her new favorite activity is sitting at home, alone, and crying about the ugly pit her life's become.

Jul 31, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 15 Responses

If you ever start to feel down about the state of humanity, just remember this: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are making way more money than you.

We didn't believe it when we saw the video of the couple we love to hate as they went house shopping yesterday in [Malibu]. They looked at two homes: the aforementioned $12 mil beach house and a 10,000 sq. ft. estate with an asking price of more than $15 mil.

So we thought it was a big publicity stunt, until we called the realtor who showed the property. Sandro Dazzan says they're 'serious buyers.'

Guess this is what happens when you sell all your pride.

[Source]

Jul 25, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 15 Responses
Back To "Reality"

There are a few things we are able to gather from the latest trailer for The Hills' fourth season: First of all, a lot of the drama has been kept under wraps this time around, meaning the cast is getting better at keeping their mouths shut or the public has simply lost interest. Also, the cast seems to expand every season, and we have a feeling it's not because Lauren and Audrina are simply attracting lots of friends. This show has turned into a famewhoring free-for-all. Oh, and Heidi and Spencer still suck.

Jul 22, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 5 Responses

Heidi Montag, one of the only members of Young Hollywood brave ??? or foolish ??? enough to publicly support John McCain, is quickly inserting herself into the GOP. She and Spencer Pratt dined with (in the vicinity of) George Bush at this year???s White House Correspondents Dinner, and yesterday she grabbed lunch with McCain???s daughter Meghan, who runs that blog. They ate at The Ivy, a spot where many famous people go to avoid being photographed by the paparazzi. Except, egads, the paps found ???em! And they were tres interested in what they were up to! Well, not so much Meghan, because they didn???t have a clue who she was.

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Jul 17, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 1 Response
For $1600...

Can someone introduce us to a Jeopardy contestant who actually watches The Hills?

Jul 11, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 11 Responses
Thank Goodness

Baldwin Hills, the teen-focused reality show that is marketed as BET???s answer to Laguna Beach and The Hills, premiered with a respectable (for BET) 1.5 million viewers on Tuesday. As 2007-2008 BET premieres go, the show comes in second place after Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is, meaning troubled R&B stars are more compelling to BET viewers than upper-middle-class kids and their overbearing parents. But how do Baldwin Hills??? second season premiere numbers compare to its counterpart at MTV?

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Jul 11, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 1 Response
Repentance

I'm feeling honest today, so I'm about to do something therapeutic: I'm coming clean about some things I'm ashamed to admit that I enjoy. As part of my job, I have to be judgmental and critical ??? but sometimes I just want to confess my undying love for the celebrities and shows the public majority views as repulsive. So here's my list of six things I'm embarrassed to reveal. Admitting my problem is the first step to recovery.

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Jun 27, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 79 Responses
Spencer Never Thinks About LC? Funny.

OK, so this is another Hills post. But before you start shaking your fists and cursing my name, let me state for the record that I truly feel in my heart this is worthy of a posting, if only for the pure enjoyment of watching David Letterman make fun of Spencer Pratt for six minutes. To make matters worse, Dave gets so annoyed by Spencer that he resorts to visiting Heidi in the green room, where the interview grows 10 times more awkward than previously imagined. By the end of it all, I'm still left wondering: With The Hills on hiatus and no LC sex tape rumor to promote, what the hell was Spencer doing on Letterman in the first place?

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Jun 15, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 13 Responses
Watch Your Back, LC

Despite a recent photo shoot gone wrong, Hills frenemies Audrina Patridge and Lauren Conrad stepped out and took a united stand in the name of alcohol last night at LA's Crown Bar.

Across town, Stephanie Pratt was blabbing to Us Weekly about the feud in which she is not involved, saying she doesn't think everything is OK between the two roommates: "But I'm sure they will work it out ??? they have been best friends for so long." Just like LC and Heidi, right?

[Source]

Jun 12, 2008 · posted by Whitney · Link · 13 Responses