Thomas Jefferson's possible replacement is a winking, stammering anti-intellectual saying "doggonnit" when discussing policies that affect the lives of millions, and you need more proof we're in our last days? Fine, you asked for it.

Under here, the most horrifying story we've read in weeks.

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By now everyone's heard about this nut in California who beat a toddler to death on the side of a road because he believed the one-year-old boy was filled with demons, right? Yes, OK: sad, shocking, disgusting—all of it. But did anyone else read that three or four cars of people pulled over to survey the incident before NOT DOING A FUCKING THING TO STOP THIS ASSHOLE FROM KICKING A BABY TO DEATH!!!!!!! This according to a police officer who arrived after the boy was dead:

What we got from witnesses is he was punching, slapping, kicking, stomping, shaking … They tried to intervene and get involved, but their efforts really didn't have an effect. The suspect was engaged in what he was doing. He just pushed them off and went back to it.

Um, really? They tried but the suspect was "too engaged" to be stopped? Wow. Allow me to quote the immortal Yoda here: "Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'" Got that, people? If you and two or three carloads of others see an unarmed man smashing a toddler into the pavement, everyone needs to get out of the fucking Hyundais and pile on the guy. If he's strong enough to push all of you off, then someone should hit him in the head with a tire iron until he stops moving. Then call the cops.

What the fuck is wrong with people? Is everyone really this scared?

Immediate fair warning: The above video, "Eat My Cornhole," is NSFW, but nevertheless needs to be seen. So, if you must, get an intern to distract your boss or simply come clean and say to him (bosses are always men), "I don't want to work here. It sucks here, and I want to watch stuff on the Internet all day. Now, piss off with your spreadsheets, dick," then click play. "But why," you might ask, "should I waste another minute of my time watching some 19-year-old in makeup bitch about the inadequacies of a world he rarely exposes himself to, instead gleaning most of his reality from televisions and computers?" The answer, of course, being: You want to be privy to all the early work of television's newest star. Are you following? Oh, yes. Yes they did:

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