In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.

Today's Someone Haiku winner is janice:

Tom Cruises By Puke:
Don’t Cry Over Spilled Thetans,
They Go To Venus.

Very well done. MyOpinionCountsToo was the second place winner.

A new Someone Haiku is after the jump.

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• LOL, indeed. [PITNB]

• No more masculine musicals! They're oxymoronic and moronic. [DListed]

• Cigarettes and jet skis would be a good name for an electroclash band if anyone listened to electroclash anymore. [PS]

• It's time for the porn awards; also know as the Oscars for Victims of Sexual Abuse. [HT]

• Mischa Barton makes history and takes responsibility for her actions. [INO]

• YIKES: "Pregnant Jamie Lynn Spears has been dumped by boyfriend Casey Aldridge because he doubts he is the father…" [ICYDK]

• Madonna's bottled water is even more stupid than everyone else's bottled water. [Yeeeah]

• Vinyl records are exactly 87 percent cooler than MP3s. [CityRag]

Just two months after Mollygood venerated the memory of Cry-Baby, the Rockabilly masterpiece of John Waters and Johnny Depp, reports today declare that the musical will soon be making its debut on the Great White Way.

Are you ready for a Broadway standard called “Girl, Can I Kiss You With Tongue?”

That’s one of the numbers in Cry Baby, the next John Waters -film-turned-musical coming to the Great White Way, in March.

James Snyder, most famous for his turn as Yale Guy #1 on Gilmore Girls, will be playing the lead. Good luck filling shoes owned previously by a young Johnny Depp, Yale Guy #1.

If you're in New York and you'd like to see the very worst it has to offer, reserve a table at the TGIFridays in Time's Square, order the Zingy Cheesy Scallop Poppers and then go see this:

Tori Spelling and hubby Dean McDermott appear to be Broadway-bound. The couple has been offered starring roles in "Chicago" and "are currently in talks," Spelling's rep told us.

After that, get liquored up, hop on an uptown train and start loudly counting your money.

More of the thespian under here.

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• Wait, wouldn't Tom Ford want from his scent the exact opposite kind of attention? [Jossip]

• "Sober partners"? Didn't those used to be called "nags"? [DListed]

• Haven't seen much from this woman lately, but don't fret, she's still a creepy loser. [HT]

• Santana performs with Nickelback, thereby officially tipping the How He'll Be Remembered Scale to "Shitty." [INO]

• Something is washed-up in the state of Denmark. [ICYDK]

• Jessica Simpson's going to try recording a country album. Or, rather, Jessica Simpson's going to try and woo a fan base she has yet to alienate. [Yeeeah]

• Everyone loves Starbucks, even hyperactive children with stunted growth. [CityRag]

The lights have darkened on Idol: The Musical after only one day. The Broadway show based on "fans who worship 'American Idol' contestant Clay Aiken" saw dismal ticket sales, thereby belying its main premise.

[Source]

The New York Daily News is reporting that Kelly Osbourne has been digitally diminished in promotional photos for her turn as Mama Morton in a production of Chicago in London's West End. Quote, "[she] struts a seamlessly (read: digitally) slimmed-down bod in promos…" If this is indeed the case, and her Chicago photos have been manipulated to make her look more attractive to a malleable public, well, the irony just doesn't get any better than that.

You decide after the jump.

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