According to a report from the Interior Department's inspector general, the Minerals Management Service, a government entity that collects oil and gas royalties from godless oil prospectors out to drill government land, is awash in cocaine and sexual misconduct.

The inspector described the office as "a culture of ethical failure," and cites instances of employees accepting gifts from oil and gas representatives (paintball outings, Toby Keith tickets*), employees dealing drugs to one another and employees constantly fucking one another. One high-ranking official used to buy coke from his secretary IN HIS OFFICE DURING WORK HOURS and have sex with two of his subordinates. Another higher-up got his yay from a subordinate with whom he also had a sexual relationship. Bush's moral America, ladies and gentlemen!

_{*Republicans, definitely}

Goddamn, The South! Y'know, we really do try to cut you some slack – seriously, we do – but you just make detesting you so easy sometimes.

During a July 30 interview on talking face Glenn Beck's radio broadcast, Toby Keith, Oklahoman and the musical genius behind the hit pro-lynching anthem "Beer for My Horses," told Beck that he thinks Barack Obama is highly successful with black Americans because "he don't talk, act or carry himself like a black person." Keith then added that he thinks "black society" views Obama as a "Caucasian." HE SAID THIS ON LIVE RADIO WITHOUT ANY SHAME! (Listen for yourself up above.)

For a minor but hilarious consolation, listen for when Beck, shocked, demands, "What does that even mean?" and the doofy Keith responds, "Well, I don't know what that means," sounding like a scolded puppy. Oh, Toby Boy, do you know what anything means?