Last night the living wire hangers of Top Model were forced to drape themselves in flesh and blood as they continued their journeys toward fame and fortune. Cute, but how to distinguish one cold piece of meat from the next?
After the jump, the hopeful models in the flesh.
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Beloved purveyors of indie rock for grandmas, The Shins, have had their shiny image mussed with this blog entry from onetime Next Top Model contestant Elyse Sewell:
On the drive home (home?) from Albuquerque to Portland, my ex-boyfriend got shitfaced and roughed me up in a Sacramento hotel. I escaped from the room through a blitzkrieg of violence and talked to hotel security, who called the fuzz.
Sewell's "ex-boyfriend" is Martin Crandall, keyboardist for the easy-to-like band made famous by the equally easy-to-like Garden State.
When police arrived, Sewell and Crandall both pressed charges. Crandall remains in jail, unable to post the $25,000 bail. (Nice band mates!)
• "You've got hate mail!" [Queerty]
• Marie Osmond is said to have faked fainting to attract sympathetic Dancing voters. Liar, liar, secret underwear on fire! [DListed]
• Twiggy's snapped off of ANTM. [EBG]
• What's independent or spirited about Zach Braff? [PS]
• Impossibly, someone's found a way to be worse than Victoria Beckham. [HT]
• Johnny Depp sports the Canadian tuxedo in London. [INO]
• John Cusack has signed on to play an angry, lovestruck American in China in a period drama. How exciting for fans of very specific story lines. [ICYDK]
• Brendan Fraser, please have some dignity. [Yeeeah]
• Anna Nicole Smith's last living child is not yet stricken with unbelievable grief and anger, but give it time. [CityRag]
• "…Marie said, 'I hope we’ve grown up since then. I hope people look at the person and what they’ve done.' Her brother’s facial expression speaks to the larger social political reality." [Jossip]
• Salma Hayek stays out of the picture, now working on a she-wolf project. [Queerty]
• Lindsay Lohan meets the revolving door justice system. [DListed]
• "I see a guy who looks like he's been beaten with a baseball bat." Sure! [PS]
• Heidi Klum naked, but not. [HT]
• Jessica Simpson wants to date a man who is invasive and clingy. [INO]
• "What is Britney doing with her mouth?" [ICYDK]
• Hayden Panettiere is wanted in Japan for more than just her Heroes memorabilia. [Yeeeah]
• Top Model recaps for the fan out there. [CityRag]
Miss J, the fashionable double-threat to both the black and gay communities, has opened up his big, glossy mouth and spilled what could be a major spoiler for all the Next Top Model fans. The winner, lisped J to Page Six, is "extremely religious." Let's hope this isn't a red herring, because someone accustomed to being told "God hates gays" and "your husband gets to rule you" will probably prove to be less of lippy quibbler than, say, an agnostic, when told fix her fat ass.
Following Adrianne Curry's predictable revelation that America's Next Top Model doesn't propel any of the winners to the upper echelons of fashion, you'd think the show's producers and victorious contestants would be feverishly attempting to prove that, indeed, they matter. But, here's CariDee English, winner of ANTM Cycle 7 (and Meow Mix representative), at Fashion Week, not modeling. As she is this country's "top" model, shouldn't this week be one of her busiest? Perhaps the next cycle can be titled America's Next Semi-Recognizable Face Destined for Real Estate School.
After the jump, more not-modeling.
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• Not even $75 million could put them together again. And I gently weep. [TR]
• Sulfate and nitrite! Welcome to America, Maddox. [DListed]
• How long until this girl's dating Dane Cook and having hyper, annoying babies? [HT]
• New Top Model contestants are in, and, boy, are they just like every other batch of Top Model contestants. [ICYDK]
• It's a good thing Ted Nugent and his fans are laughable and insignificant, otherwise these words might be dangerous. [DS]
• Mariah Carey takes off all her clothes and I still can't see any career. [Yeeeah]
• Does Ann Coulter have breast implants? Did she have her penis removed, too? [CityRag]
As the contestants who lost to this top model stew in their respective backwaters, pregnant by a BMOC-cum-mechanic and bitter about what might have been, I hope they'll have an opportunity to see this picture and breathe easier. Because if this is what it looks like to take the title of America's Next Top Model, I do believe the program had no winners.
[Source]
That guy who won Next Top Model better hope he never goes to jail. They would like him even more than Miss Jay.
More under the jump.
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Last night Details magazine celebrated their "2007 Mavericks" issue with a party in Los Angeles.
Just so we're all on the same page, can we agree on this:
maverick
NOUN:
1. An unbranded range animal, especially a calf that has become separated from its mother, traditionally considered the property of the first person who brands it. 2. One that refuses to abide by the dictates of or resists adherence to a group; a dissenter.ADJECTIVE:
Being independent in thought and action or exhibiting such independence: maverick politicians; a maverick decision.
Cool?
Now then, why the fuck were Stacy Keibler, Dane Cook, Molly Sims, Ian Ziering, Michelle Trachtenberg, CariDee English and LC from that piece of hell The Hills allowed to show up?
I will acknowledge that CariDee proved to be an unflappable trailblazer while facing the devastating setbacks on Top Model, but L fucking C!
When you throw a theme party, everyone has to come as the theme or they can't come in. It keeps the riffraff out and makes the people who played along not feel foolish about participating. Did you have Mr. Magoo on door, Details?
I suppose this is to be expected when the host's idea of a "Maverick Lifestyle" includes a Benz and a BlackBerry, both of which, I guess, are now hallmarks of a true "dissenter."
Take that, Gandhi!
[Source]
The National Organization for Women is getting catty over the most recent photo shoot on Top Model 8, which had the glorified dress forms depicting fashionable murder victims.
…the president of the New York City chapter of the National Organization for Women [called] the stunt "supremely ironic" for a show "geared toward women and about women, and about glamour."
As the NOW prez tells the New York Daily News, "Violence against women is such a reality in our society that I certainly don't need the entertainment industry making entertainment out of it."
Breaking: A few minutes ago, NOW nagged their way through a bloodless coup and into a position of absolute power over America.
As their first order of business, they have enacted a retroactive law banning media portrayals of violence against women. Thus, it is now illegal to possess Million Dollar Baby, Unforgiven, The Accused, Gangs of New York, Casino, Boys Don't Cry, Goodfellas, The Color Purple, Gladiator, The Green Mile, Dead Man Walking, LA Confidential, Braveheart, Schindler's List, The Silence of the Lambs, Fatal Attraction, The Godfather and Platoon. Also outlawed are the Pulitzer Prize winning novel Beloved and the Bible.
Does NOW know about that whole "irrational" stereotype?
[Source]
• They should have sent home the Russian bride last night. [DS]
• Go leave Britney a note on her site and tell her to get that wig off her head! [DListed]
• More info on the Grey's spinoff. It's about a sexy gynecologist, and it just gave jocks everywhere their Halloween costume idea. [Jossip]
• Winona's alive and…she's alive. [SNO]
• Uh oh! It's Willie Horton in couture. [ASL]
• Now that she's decimated her brain and figure, Britney's going after her tooth enamel. [INO]
• Forrest Gump 2? Forrest falls ass backwards into a limb regeneration process. Lt. Dan finally able to dance again. Tears. [CN]
When everyone was saying that Jaslene ("They're mad 'cause I'm the best walker!") from Top Model had very masculine features, I didn't wanna agree because I liked her ridiculous gait and arrogance. Now I realize that her "Weirdo" photo shoot made her look exactly like that Taboo guy from the Black Eyed Peas, and that doesn't freak me out so much. But, it makes me think of Fergie, and then I get grossed out. It's distaste by proxy.
[Source]
• DJ Lohan spinning "I Drink Alone," "Cocaine" and "One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer" for old times' sake. [PopSugar]
• Richie may be engaged. Still not engaging. [DListed]
• Jael from Top Model 8 has been exploited previously, giving her a leg up in the industry. [CityRag]
• Jessica Simpson in a movie about a talented, naive young woman who becomes a pawn for businessmen. Is this a documentary? [ASL]
• Katherine Heigl learning the hard way that sometimes the homophobes are more integral to the plot. [Jossip]
• No, that's not your nana, that's just an Olsen. [INO]
• They can't get married because Penelope Bloom would sound too much like a children's book heroine. [IDLYITW]
Did anyone catch the premiere of Top Model 8? If not, you can check out a clip above. In it you'll see a lot of military imagery and a group of model hopefuls being sent to "boot camp." Really? Military imagery in wartime? Did anyone think about this decision?
Hey, Tyra and Miss Jay, everyday people who actually went through boot camp are getting limbs and heads shot off in Iraq. Is that really the boot camp you're alluding to? Are you actually saying that these models need to be prepared for the grueling war zone that is your reality television show? You couldn't be, because that would be more stupid and insensitive than the industry you're attempting to fill out with more warm and yet still lifeless bodies. Fuck off.
Editor
