In today's batch of middle school news, Lindsay Lohan and not-so-secret girlfriend Samantha Ronson are sporting matching bracelets. OMG!! They must be totally in love.
[Source]
Although Christian Bale was all smiles at last night's London premiere of The Dark Knight, sources claim all was not well with the Bale family just hours before. Christian's mother and sister reportedly went to the police Sunday night to accuse him of assault. He is being questioned today after authorities decided to allow him to attend the premiere. "It was a very difficult situation," a source said, "but it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere over a complaint which we don’t yet know is founded in truth." Let's hope it's not founded in truth.
Christian, Christian, Christian … what did you do?
[Source]
In what is rapidly becoming the newest American tradition, Miss USA Crystle Stewart completely wiped out during the evening gown portion of last night's Miss Universe competition. She handled it like a champ but failed to make it to the finals, proving that being able to walk in high heels is indeed a desirable quality.
Video after the jump.
In May, Times television fabricator Alessanda Stanley referred to The Hills star Heidi Montag as a “feminist hero.” Now, Lauren Conrad gets her own (incredibly accurate) misnomer: “an avatar of synergy.” That’s how academic Mark Andrejevic, who wrote something called Reality TV: The Work of Being Watched, describes Conrad, for her fusing entertainment and advertising together into one easily consumed product. Andrejevic is talking to Forbes about how MTV’s most successful television show has produced a troop of ladies who are brands unto themselves, launching fashion lines and scoring endorsement deals while cameras chronicle their normal lives. But soon, with Hills creator Adam Divello spinning off the show, it won’t just be the ladies who are earmarked for synergy.
The July issue of Vogue contains a 16-page photo spread featuring a pre-baby bump Nicole Kidman on the set of her newest movie, Australia. I'm OK with every shot except for the one with the animals, because I have odd irrational fears of random things, and I have now added those creatures to the list.
We knew it was only a matter of time, but it felt like an absolute eternity between MTV’s Movie Awards on Sunday and this morning, when we finally found a viable clip of the Wayne’s World reunion.
WHO'S PLAYING ELVIS? Our money's on James Franco: "Producers David Permut and Steve Binder have acquired screen rights to Alanna Nash's 2003 book 'The Colonel: The Extraordinary Story of Colonel Tom Parker and Elvis Presley.' Permut and Binder will develop a feature titled 'The Colonel' based on the book about the man with shadowy origins who reinvented himself as the Svengali behind the world's most famous entertainer."
Wow, are white conservatives ever going to quit it with these
Barack Obama assassination jokes? We hate to be the proverbial killjoy, but we're having trouble finding the humor in murdering
black people.
Liz Trotta is different from me. The Fox News talking head and former New York bureau chief for the Washington Times declared with a giggle on Sunday that she'd like to see Obama get "knocked off," this after referring to the presidential candidate as "Osama."
Fox News: The best argument for dictatorial control of media.
Click through for video of the dark humor.
CONTINUED »
This movie! This MOVIE! This damn Sex and the City: The Movie movie!
It's inescapable (especially in THE city), but does that mean it's going to be successful? No.
But probably yes, too.
The recent history of female-focused summer films shows it could go either way. The Devil Wears Prada debuted in June of 2006 with $27 million opening weekend — on its way to a considerable $124 million grand total domestically. But just a few weeks ago, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler took center stage in Baby Mama, a widely hyped comedy that opened with a respectable-but-less-than-stellar $17 million opening weekend.
After the jump, industry analysts assess the situation while simultaneously calling you and your friends predictable and Kentucky primitive.
CONTINUED »
Actor and former Scientologist Jason Beghe is the star of a new YouTube video that features him speaking out against his previous religion. We don't have our handy Scientology lingo handbook nearby, so it's a bit difficult to understand what he's talking about; however, it's fairly obvious that the guy is going to need about 100 new bodyguards to prevent a mysterious "suicide."
Click through for the video (some language NSFW). CONTINUED »
Vanilla Ice (real name Robert Van Winkle) was arrested last night in Florida on domestic battery charges. He and his wife (who he claims is bipolar) reportedly got into an argument over — what else? — a bedroom set, and he allegedly pushed her, although when she originally called the police she said he was hitting and kicking her. Unfortunately for Ice, he is no stranger to the clinker: He was charged with domestic battery back in 2004.
The good news is he seems to be learning how to take a happy mug shot.
Eva Longoria's recent stint on Pop Fiction, in which she poked fun at everyone who said her marriage to Tony Parker was on the rocks, seems to be backfiring. Either she removed the tattoo of her wedding date from the inside of her wrist because she and Tony are seconds from Splitsville, or she actually enjoys making the paparazzi and general public doubt the state of her marriage.
We're betting Tony has had enough of that laugh.
[Source]
Despite his latest restraining order (that makes four), Sam Lutfi refuses to go away. This time he's insisting that Britney Spears wants him back in her life and her father, Jamie Spears, is a bad influence. Because anyone with eyes can see that.
A hearing to overturn the restraining order is scheduled for March 17, where Sam will claim Britney fears her life is being taken over.
Sam told a friend, "I am going to call Britney to the stand so she can tell the world how I was helping her. I am innocent. I am Britney's friend and would never hurt her."
And how is Sam so confident that Britney will do this for him? He's secretly contacted her through a third party. Naturally.
Another source insists that Britney is "fit enough to make her own decisions but is overruled by her father." Uh, no. We saw what happened when Britney was fit enough to make her own decisions. We were treated to the pink wig and ripped fishnets.
[Source]
Friday was the anniversary of Anna Nicole Smith's death, and her hangers-on are still finding ways to sell her out. It's like looking into the future, except instead of Larry Birkhead it's Kevin Federline, and instead of Howard K. Stern it's Sam Lutfi.
Anna's former bodyguard, Big Moe, is the latest to give his story and share new "shocking" details, like the fact that Larry Birkhead is probably gay. Duh.
'Because of how Larry looked, she figured, oh my child would look great,' Big Moe told Access Hollywood's Tony Potts. 'Blonde hair, blue eyes, you know, "Go great with me and my baby will come out beautiful."'
'So basically, from what she told you and what you’re telling me is that Anna looked at Larry as a sperm donor to get a really beautiful child?' Tony asked.
'That's it,' Big Moe said.
Big Moe also claims Anna told him that due to his 'lifestyle' there would be no strings attached.
'What's his lifestyle?' Tony asked.
'Well, she told me that, you know, he was a homosexual,' Big Moe said. 'She knew deep down that he didn't want to be with her.'
Look, we're not doubting that Larry plays for the other team, but just because a guy didn't want to touch Anna Nicole with a 10-foot pole doesn't mean he's gay.
[Source]
The missives contained in Mollygood's comments sections run the gamut from funny to enlightening to choleric to unreadable, but rarely are they boring and even rarer (thankfully) are they peppered with "OMG she is hottttttttt!" or "z"s in the place of "s"s. Since the swift death of Mollygood, Bad and Poetic, the best of these bon mots have gone relatively unnoticed. The Commies will change all that. Each week, the very best will be highlighted here for greater public consumption and, of course, judgment.
CONTINUED »
Here's something you never saw coming: Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton got into a catfight last night at a Grammy party. Evidently the two want to work with party host Timbaland in order to achieve that hit record that, inexplicably, neither of them have yet to create. Here's the play-by-play:
Lindsay arrived at the party first. She made a beeline for the hit producer … and waved at him wildly over the barriers.
Then Paris strolled in surrounded by a massive entourage and took up a seat directly opposite Li-Lo — and far closer to Timba. Clocking her rival, Lindsay began fluffing up her hair extensions and launched into verbal attack.
Lindsay pointed at Paris and snarled: 'What the hell is that bitch doing here? I didn't know she was on the list.' To which Paris spat back: 'F*** off you bitch.'
Taking a huge swig of Red Bull, [Lindsay] made her move — clambering over a sofa towards her prey. Not to be outdone, nimble Paris hurdled a barrier and flung herself at him first. None of which impressed the great man himself, who gave both a blank stare before walking off.
Wow, nice work. You almost had him, ladies! But this was all unnecessary: Timbaland is so last year — 2008 is all about the next up-and-coming genius producer Spencer Pratt. If you call now, you might be able to catch him before his nightly meeting in the bushes outside Lauren Conrad's house.
[Source]
If there's anyone who knows how to win over the ladies, it's Jack Nicholson. He even shared some of his Casanova secrets, for every drunken tool out there who has given up on slipping girls roofies but still wants to come across as a charming and classy guy:
[Jack] admits women expect him to be a smooth-talker — so he catches them off guard with insults.
He says, 'You walk up to someone you like and you're feeling relaxed, they think, "Oh, here comes the shark" and you say to them, "When did you get pregnant?" You will have somebody off balance after that particular line.'
And the Hollywood veteran admits that despite reaching 70, he is still pursuing women: 'It's not just one romance, you want a lot more.'
Here's a better way to catch someone off guard, Jack: Appear to be sober. Crazy, right? They won't know what hit 'em.
[Source]
After nabbing the Grammy for her hit song "Umbrella," Rihanna found herself in a minor vehicular accident. The singer was leaving a Def Jam afterparty when another vehicle veered off the road and crashed into Rihanna's parked car. Nobody was injured.
The report failed to mention the other driver's name, but we have a feeling it was Kanye West, who had taken his post-Grammy rage to the streets: He was overheard yelling, "I should have won! Give a black man a chance!" before speeding away from the crime scene in search of Herbie Hancock.
[Source]
Editor
