It pains us to throw in the towel when it comes to trying to figure out The Hills, but we've finally reached a point where we've officially surrendered. Heidi Montag's mother, Darlene Egelhoff, took a cue from her spawn and basked in the spotlight of this week's Us Weekly cover story criticizing Spencer Pratt and the reality TV wedding of the century. Assuming this is not all an act to gain press, we can't decide whether to applaud Darlene for recognizing the satanic being that is Spencer or criticize her for going to the media about a family matter.
[Spencer]'s manipulative and seems to have power over Heidi. I would like to see a blood test from Mexico. It wouldn’t surprise me if he had her drugged. Spencer has tried to cut everyone out of her life. I've been honest with Heidi, and it's caused our relationship to decline. I'm more devastated about that than the marriage, because I'm confident the marriage won't work out. … [I give it] six months. I think it's the biggest mistake Heidi's ever made.
And as for Spencer's rebuttal: "I think her mom needs to take a real fat chill pill and be happy for her daughter." Good one, Tooly McToolerson.
Some interesting stuff actually happened on The Hills last night, which is a shame because everything was overshadowed by Heidi and Spencer's Wedding of the Century. On the show, Audrina found out that Lauren and Justin Bobby may or may not have hooked up (we're going to go with "no way in hell"), which led to lots of tears in the middle of public places. But the real talk of the night — at least on the series' aftershow — revolved around the Speidi marriage.
Holly Montag, sister of Heidi and roommate of Lauren, took to the talk show to discuss the idiocy of the wedding and appear genuinely sad. She acted like a sister should, claiming she would always love Heidi regardless of her stupid, stupid actions — but visibly teared up when discovering that the couple actually married days ago. Sucks finding out along with the rest of the Us Weekly crowd, huh?
Worried about overeating this Thanksgiving? Us Weekly has you covered — the magazine just scored an EXCLUSIVE!!! cover story on Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's surprise nuptials, set to hit stands later this week. Yeah, you read that right. Speidi finally got married, putting an end to their months-long fake engagement. Heidi says she "couldn't stop crying" the minute they said their vows in a secret ceremony in Mexico. There were reportedly no guests in attendance, because the couple makes everyone — even family members — ill with just one publicity-inspired kiss.
And, in case you were wondering, the gays still can't tie the knot because it will ruin the sanctity of marriage.
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Inexplicable ladies' man David Spade strikes again:
Nicollette Sheridan and David Spade were spotted smooching Friday night at Beverly Hills restaurant Luau. There to celebrate Sheridan's 45th birthday, the pair — who arrived separately and began dinner at separate booths — 'couldn't resist each other for long,' a source tells Usmagazine.com.
According to the source, Spade winked at Sheridan and was by her side as she blew out the candles on her birthday cake. Later, the pair reportedly holed up in a booth where they 'cuddled and kissed.'
Nicollette's people say she is not dating David. Although we wouldn't expect her to admit to it anyway.
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SO THAT'S WHAT THE KIDS ARE CALLING IT THESE DAYS • "Billy Ray Cyrus says his 15-year-old daughter Miley and 20-year-old underwear model Justin Gaston are making sweet music together. 'I'll tell you what — they are great friends, and they make a good team,' he told Usmagazine.com at Monday's Bolt premiere in L.A. 'They write a lot of songs together, and they sing — it's incredible.'"
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In a ballsy move that surely signals the beginning of the end of How I Met Your Mother, Kim Kardashian has been recruited by the shows producers to appear alongside Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt in an upcoming episode.
The ep, tentatively called "Benefits," is about Marshall's (Jason Segel) inability to poop at work.
I'm told Marshall carries a copy of Them Weekly with him when he's heading to the bathroom. Kim, Heidi, Spencer and lord knows which other tabloid faves will speak to Marshall from the cover of Them in a dream sequence. They presumably pop up to mock and laugh and make Marshall feel generally silly.
Sounds like a nightmare. Not just the episode plot — this whole publicity stunt. We cry for you, HIMYM.
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EVEN D-BAGS INJURE THEMSELVES FROM TIME TO TIME "Jesse Metcalfe is 'doing fine' after suffering a fall in Monaco over the weekend, his rep tells Usmagazine.com. 'He accidentally slipped off a balcony and was knocked unconscious,' the rep adds, 'but he is fine and now recovering from some minor bruises in a London hospital.'"
It wasn't a joke: Hills cancers Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are heading to a real TV channel and guest starring on How I Met Your Mother. Seriously! CBS even admitted it:
We can confirm that Heidi and Spencer will appear on the show, but we can't give away anything specific about the episode. … They will be playing magazine cover-versions of themselves as Marshall (Jason Segel) desperately searches for a place to 'read a magazine' while at the office. Montag and Pratt will taunt and tease Marshall from the confines of his current copy of Them Weekly.
Naturally, Spencer had to respond in a douchey way about their episode, set to air in January: "I don’t want to give anything away…but I'm the Mother." Tool.
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'NOTEBOOK' ROMANCE ENDS AGAIN "Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams' on-off romance is off again, just four months after they sealed their reunion with a public kiss. … A source tells Us Weekly, 'Rachel is too controlling. They broke up the first time because of their busy schedules — and that's the problem again.'"
MARK YOUR CALENDARS "Jessica Simpson's Major Movie Star may have opened No. 1 in Russia earlier this month — but it's not having as much success stateside. The flick will be renamed Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous, and released only on DVD in America, a source confirms to Usmagazine.com. The movie — about a ditzy movie star who enlists in the army to earn money to pay her bills — is slated to hit stores Feb. 3."
DENISE RICHARDS: SHE WAS RIGHT "Denise Richards is coming back to the small screen! Her E! reality series, Denise Richards: It's Complicated, has been picked up for a second season, the network confirmed Wednesday. An official network nod comes more than a month after Richards herself told Usmagazine.com the show would return."
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The triple murder tragedy of Jennifer Hudson's family wasn't going to be ignored by the celebrity weeklies. Sadly, multiple deaths are what it takes to get a black girl on the cover of a tabloid. The editors of each weekly, then, had to consider how the competition was going to play the game. Only People and Us gave Hudson A1 treatment, while every other magazine at least included her in a sidebar or footer.
Life & Style and OK! ended up with the same photo. Only the Globe went with a picture of Jennifer with her mouth closed — because nothing says tragedy like eyes staring into the horizon and a mouth agape.
And the honor of Going Full Exploitative goes to, not surprisingly:
Despite the fact that Hills alum Whitney Port scored her own reality TV spin-off, The City, the NYC paparazzi are still unsure as to who exactly this girl is. Behold the WireImage description of Whit at Us Weekly's Hot Hollywood party, who is identified as "Guest," while her lesser known co-star, Olivia Palermo, was easily named. This can not bode well for the budding fashionista, especially during a time when both Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt can be picked out of a crowd by most Americans.
Other stars deemed "hot" by the tabloid included the High School Musical kiddos, a few Gossip Girls (and boys), America's Next Top Tranny Model Jaslene, some Ugly Bettys and Patti LaBelle. Sounds a little lukewarm to us.
Click through for photos.
GUY RITCHIE IN TEARS OVER T-SHIRT "Guy Ritchie is 'in pieces' after seeing a photo of his son Rocco in a T-shirt supporting Alex Rodriguez's New York Yankees baseball team, a source tells Usmagazine.com. The 8-year-old was photographed sporting the shirt Monday in New York City. 'He's actually been crying over it,' says the source on the set of Ritchie's upcoming drama Sherlock Holmes."
Actress, mother and autism activist Jenny McCarthy is on the cover of this week's Us Weekly proclaiming she cured her son, Evan, of the disorder. According to Jenny, a strict wheat-and-dairy-free diet changed her son back to "a loving six-year-old." We're still a little skeptical about how one can "reverse" autism, but Jenny explains:
'Before the vaccination, he was huggy, lovey, snuggly. Then it was like someone came down and stole him.' McCarthy, 36, remembers when Evan began to come out of his shell while watching a SpongeBob episode. 'I heard Evan laugh…I jumped on the bed and started screaming.'
She adds, 'When he finally hugged me, I prayed, "Please God don't let this be the only time." I made a deal with God. I said, "You fix my boy, you show me the way and I'll teach the world how I did it."'
And remember last night when John McCain said his running mate cares about children with special needs? Jenny says she tried to contact McCain, but to no avail:
McCain had come out and said he thinks there's enough evidence between vaccines and autism, so I got on a helicopter [to meet him for] an on-camera interview. By the time I got there, the campaign manager said, 'He's ahead in the polls, and this is too controversial, and he doesn't want to go one way or the next.'
Wait! We thought he was a maverick who didn't care about those silly polls? This can't be right.
The Hills frenemies Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag were spotted hugging last night at a Los Angeles restaurant, sending the staffers at Us Weekly into an "OMG they're totally friends again!" frenzy.
Conrad was in the restaurant celebrating her runway show at Los Angeles fashion week with family and close friends. Meanwhile Montag and beau Spencer Pratt were at the bar eating dinner.
After spotting Conrad, Montag was seen asking if she could congratulate Conrad on her clothing line. And after a brief heart to heart, the two girls were seen hugging. They were both smiling and seemed happy to be talking.
Wait, that was it? There was no big public declaration of friendship? No tears? No press releases? We'd call what just happened maturity. Not the same as a reconciliation.
Side note: Remember when Heidi used to look like that?
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'US' READERS FINALLY KNOW HOW TO VOTE "Could Angelina Jolie be voting for Barack Obama this fall? 'Obama is fighting for international justice, he wants to intervene militarily in genocides abroad, and he wants to close down Guantanamo Bay,' she tells the German edition of Vanity Fair. 'They are things which could move me to vote for him, not his roots.'"
THIS IS SO THREE MONTHS AGO "Madonna and New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez took in a cozy dinner for two at Dos Caminos Third Avenue on Tuesday, a source told Usmagazine.com. They pair ate at an alcove-like table in the back. 'They seemed very close.'"
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