Michelle Obama's Election Night earrings, white-gold, diamond-encrusted, dangling things that blinded bitter Republicans when the spotlight hit them, reportedly cost the First Lady-elect a cool $11,000.
How is this any better than when Sarah Palin adorned herself in luxurious clothes and jewels? For one, Obama didn't purchase her earrings with donations from Democratic supporters. Nor did she bemoan "rich elitists" for weeks and weeks before buying the accessories.
That said, when will everyone come to their senses and stop spending thousands of dollars on something as stupefyingly useless as jewelry, which has the same root word as joke?
After 80 years of selling garbage adorned with the characters of a viciously anti-Semitic cartoonist, the Walt Disney Company has arrived at a conclusion: sticky kids and country folk in Donald Duck t-shirts don't have lots of money for the taking, elitists do. And elitists don't like their overpriced, useless crap to be covered with Goofys. Move over, Vera Wang, and say hello to Disney Couture!
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Finally, a newer new cell phone!
Owners of the new Google-powered mobile phone will be able to unlock the handset by drawing a secret shape on the screen.
The new 'signature unlocking' tool was among the features revealed during a sneak preview in California yesterday.
Other highlights include a built-in compass that will allow people to orientate maps as they use their phone to scout out a restaurant or venue, and a customisable homepage that lets people bookmark their favourite web pages.
The device - which is unlocked by drawing a shape only the owner knows on a nine-square grid - will also include a magnifying tool, to make zooming in on web content easier on a small screen, and a mobile version of the game Pac Man.
A magnifying tool? Pac Man!? What am I doing dicking around with BrickBreaker? And how long must I continue to wait for a cell phone that will pay my bills and have sex with me?
The idiot Kardashian sisters are fighting! Apparently Khloe believes it's unwise for sister Kim to waste hundreds of thousands of dollars on a Bentley. Kim thinks Kholoe's just jealous because she can't afford a Bentley. We think they're both right! Click through to see them come to very weak blows.
Jennifer Lopez and dusty husband Marc Anthony got a $6 million payday when they gave People magazine exclusive photo rights to their new twins. It was an absurd amount of money paid to absurd people for an absurd reason, and guess what: it's already being absurdly spent.
Lopez is now the proud, shameful owner of $2.6 million earrings, which, if you don't know, are just tiny things that dangle off the wearer's earlobes. This is our world.
Did anyone else catch this particularly poor layout decision in today's New York Times online edition? Nothing like some biting irony to complement one's bitter coffee on a lazy Sunday.
If you're not getting the joke, here's the definition of "hysteria" from the 1913 edition of Webster's dictionary:
A nervous affection, occurring almost exclusively in women, in which the emotional and reflex excitability is exaggerated, and the will power correspondingly diminished, so that the patient loses control over the emotions, becomes the victim of imaginary sensations, and often falls into paroxysm or fits.
Women: Capable, but absolutely BONKERS for purses!
In Style magazine takes us into star closets in their latest issue. Inside the palatial walk-ins, it's an age-old contradiction: such full wardrobes and such empty people.
Jamie-Lynn Sigler laughs that, until she paid to have her closet organized, she would often come across clothes she forgot she had. "With the tags still on them!" she howls. Mariah Carey boasts of owning over 1,000 pairs of shoes, many of which go unused in storage. Kimora Lee Simmons has 500 pairs of jeans in her 49,000-square-foot home.
Even though it is inanely sized, Mariah Carey's shoe collection could only outfit one percent of the homeless schoolchildren in California.
Musclebound beauty pageant host Mario Lopez is co-releasing a fitness book with actual writer Jeff O'Connell. Inherently, all "workout plan" books are unoriginal and unnecessary, but this one sounds annoying as well:
With three stages designed to get the body in shape, build and sculpt muscle, and ultimately showcase one's fit new form, the workout exercises every part of the anatomy–torso, arms, legs, and trouble areas like the thighs and belly. Each stage includes some of the Mario's favorite activities–among them boxing, running, biking, yoga, dance, basketball, and swimming–so readers can complete a full cardio workout with localized strength training …
The tome's description also promises "gorgeous full-color photography," which: exciting!
Fun fact: According to Amazon, customers who buy books like Mario Lopez's Knockout Fitness have also pre-ordered Green Is the New Red, White, and Blue: American's Mission in a World That Is Hot, Flat, and Crowded by New York Times bloviator Thomas Friedman.
NOOOOOOOOO! Truly nothing is sacred! My very first and most favorite encounter with homoerotocism, The Lost Boys, is set to be tainted forever with the impending release of a horrible, inconsistent, poorly timed sequel, Lost Boys: The Tribe. What won't actors do for money?
I could barely bring myself to sit through half of the trailer. After the jump, see if you can stomach it.
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Assy new mother of twins Jennifer Lopez has opened a tremendously presumptuous gift registry at baby boutique Petit Tresor.
Among her most stupid – and most expensive – desires: Two cashmere cardigan, hat and bootie pants sets ($279 each); two Chelsea Sleigh cribs ($1390 each); and an Italian leather and snake skin trim Mia Bossi diaper bag ($1250).
Once Lopez' wish list is fulfilled, her entitled, velvet-palmed brats will come free of charge.
Cameron Diaz, on her decision a few years ago to go from blond to brunette:
I just wanted to try something different and see what kind of guys hit on me when I was a brunette as opposed to blonde…The guys who liked the dark hair were the cooler, more sensitive, interesting guys.
Ha!
[Source]
New Yorkers, get your Tasers, bros: There are thieves among us! Kim Kardashian, seen here silently delighting in the misfortune of a sycophantic dreg, was recently relieved of over $50,000 worth of goods at JFK Airport.
The swindle seemed to go down as fans and Delta employees flooded the girls for photos and autographs. When the sea of people cleared up and [Kim] looked down, [her] stuff was MIA.
Among the sundry material items lifted: diamonds, a Cartier watch and a "labtop." (All those beakers!)
This from the New York Times, that venerable paper of record:
“Andre,” said Mr. McKenna, “you look amazing!”
ACTUALLY, he did not say it in quite that way. It happens that the adjective “amazing,” pronounced with a bunch of superfluous vowels, is how fashion types, and also certain urban gay men and also one or two tuned-in heterosexual copycats, lately express their approval. Amazing has replaced such locutions as “genius” and “major,” which today sound even more old-hat than “fabulous.”
“You look amaaaaazing,” Mr. McKenna said.
More than the vowels are superfluous here!
Now then, Andre, would you mind braining me with that beautiful bottle of pinot? That would be amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing.
But how does that pain compare to knowing a busty somnambulist could do what you do?
The Spice Girls are making the most of their latest 15 minutes, now shilling for Tesco, a British big-box chain that follows the hubristic lead of Wal-Mart. This commercial is the most clever thing the Girls have ever done and it's not very different from their musical career, also founded on selling crap.
Buying a $900 baby stroller means that, pound for pound, you're just as vanity-driven as that jackass Simon Cowell and his stupid $1.5 million land rocket.
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