What causes a notoriously cruel prick to crack a self-satisfied grin from ear to judgmental ear?
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Hey, remember that absurdly expensive gown that Britney Spears turned into a literal shitrag? Well, now you can own it, complete with ambiguous stain! Lucky you. Unlucky zeitgeist.
Paris Hilton will soon bestow on the world yet another piece of written work, to be filled with all the capital musings she forgot to include in 2004's Confessions Of An Heiress. Says her literary agent, Dan Strone, "She is planning to do another book…She is thinking of doing a new book, and I don’t think believe [sic] at this time, it’s contemplated to be a so-called prison diary." (Paris Hilton has a literary agent? I just got a headache!) While the book's topic is still up in the air, you can be sure that Paris won't write it, and also that it will be a bestseller.
What do you think the title of this bible of the careless shall be? My guess: Killing Them Softly: How to Gradually Wear Away at the Fabric of Civilization Without Getting Caught.
[Source]
Being a useless consumer sure takes a lot out of a guy, including energy, dignity and—thankfully—the possibility of a long life.
[BuzzFoto]
In light of her decadent spending habits—most recently she purchased a $4,000 makeup case—Neiman Marcus has offered Victoria Beckham a $5 million credit limit in their stores. To give you some sort of perspective in an age when astronomical dollar amounts are discussed like the weather, think of it like this: Even someone making 500,000 tax-free dollars a year would have to work 10 years in order to satisfy the debt that woman is allowed to rack up in a single day.
Doesn't Anyone Regret Flaunting Unnecessary Riches?
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Are you a boob who thinks fake murderers are cool? So cool, in fact, that you would like to own an inanimate object that was once in the presence of fake murderers? Today's your lucky day, moron.
The meats and sandwiches are long gone, but fans of HBO’s “Sopranos” can comfort themselves with some of the rocks that made up the facade of the fictional Satriale’s Pork Store, one of Tony Soprano & Co.’s favorite hangouts.
The owner of the building is selling the white stones online before the structure is demolished next month. A condominium complex named The Soprano will be built on the site.
Building owner Manny Costeira said the 2,000 bricks will sell for $25 to $50 apiece, and will include a serial number and certificate of authentication.
Even more frightening is that the owner of Satriale's has received angry e-mails demanding that he not tear down "Tony's joint." In related news: Televisions keep getting bigger!
Gwyneth Paltrow is said to have discovered a miracle anti-aging cream composed of snake's venom.
A spy at Sonya Dakkar spa in Beverly Hills said Pal trow, a frequent customer, walked out with a line of Ultra Lux 9 products - including a cream that contains the spit of a snake. "It's not Botox," said one insider. "Just a cream that has the venom in it . . . [the cream] is part of the facials."
According to Paltrow, if the venom doesn't diminish her crow's feet, she'll be forced to turn to a controversial treatment made almost entirely from bald eagle's blood and the tears of Iraqi children.
Several more after the jump.
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Sarah Jessica Parker has admitted that what will probably prove to be the role of her lifetime, Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw, has permanently damaged her skeletal system.
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Marilyn Manson's ex-keyboardist, Stephen "Pogo" Bier, is filing suit and claiming that Manson stole millions from the band's shared coffer. Bier alleges that Manson used the ill-gotten funds to buy, among other things, "sick and disturbing…Nazi memorabilia and taxidermy (including the skeleton of a young Chinese girl)."
According to an e-mail sent to us that was approved by Bier's lawyer, Keith Fink, Manson promised Bier "partnership proceeds" from the band in 1993, but then spluged on "a multimillion-dollar home, had a lavish wedding in Ireland, gave an engagement ring to Dita von Teese" and collected Nazi artifacts and taxidermy. When Bier asked for the "partnership proceeds," Manson "devised a campaign to drive Bier out of the band and rob him of his entitlement," the e-mail states.
In Manson's defense, Chinese baby skeletons are practically impossible to come by at a fair price, so you've got to jump on a deal if you find one, even if it means stealing from your friends.
[Source]
According to a recent article, here's the lowdown on Prince:
• He has "insisted his penthouse at the swanky Dorchester Hotel is decorated completely in black…even down to the frames on pictures of himself and the mirrors."
• He has insisted that his penthouse be outfitted with a machine that dispenses black M&Ms.
• He has insisted that his penthouse be outfitted with an oxygen bar manned by three attractive women.
• He occasionally requests that you not look him in the eye.
• He's dating identical Caribbean twins.
Note that this list is why men who are scarcely 5' 3" learn how to play guitar.
• Ummmmmm…so is he racist? And to whom did he sell his soul to get that fucking voice. [BWE]
• That's what people get for trusting labels. [DListed]
• Ditch the bra, babe; your breasts are harder than Chinese algebra. [HT]
• Which one is Stepford Spice? [ICYDK]
• "Rat Face" is pejorative, right? [Yeeeah]
• Jack Burton or Jack? Too close to call. [CityRag]
Radar has the scoop:
The consensus seems to be that the device failed. TMZ asks "Is the SCRAM a Sham?" and the LAT sarcastically declares "Yeah hey, that SCRAM bracelet worked really well, didn't it."
But Radar has learned that the device registered Lindsay's drinking exactly as it was supposed to. "We're very confident that it was working properly," says SCRAM spokesperson Kathleen Brown. "In fact there are a number of diagnostics that ensure it." But even though the bracelet registered the actress's drinking, it isn't designed to transmit that information on the spot. Instead it works in tandem with a modem, which is placed in Lohan's home. Meaning Linds could have attend the binge drinking party of the century, but as long as she stayed far enough away from the modem, the proper authorities would be none the wiser until (and if) she stumbled home.
Who are these proper authorities? They're whoever Lindsay and her representatives wanted them to be
Ahhhh, technology: So amazingly intricate on the inside and yet so vulnerable to simple human fraud on the outside.
Eva Longoria and Tony Parker's wedding reception, to be held in Paris today, will reportedly include a $30,000 cake for the guests to feast on. Asked if he felt $30,000 was too much to spend on a cake, a homeless man screamed, "What!" then cried and cried.
More after the jump.
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This little feat in modern design is a—my fingers seize as I'm about to type this—"butt plug" created to commemorate Paris Hilton's time in jail. The geniuses at www.celebritybuttplugs.com decided to name this particular model "Parass Hilton." Sharp!
The question is, is this product for those who love Paris or those who hate Paris? Consumers who buy Paris Hilton themed products are clearly the target market, so it is for stupid people, thereby making the thing inherently dangerous. It's never wise to give stupid people things to jam into their orifices.
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If you abandon all discretion and pose for photo ops with even the most useless of the free shit you're being offered—Bratz dolls?—you're inevitably going to get caught looking foolish when you do something like endorse both a shirt demanding people turn off their electronics and a wildly popular video game. It's OK, though; everyone knew that those "lovely lady lumps" didn't include a brain.
More under here.
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Wanna look terrible? Now you can, because someone on eBay is auctioning off the shirt and hat being modeled by Britney Spears in the above photo. And as if the opportunity to own ugly, seemingly itchy pieces of shit wasn't incentive enough, take note, potential buyers, that the garments have not had their scuzzy authenticity cleansed away. The auctioneer promises, "It has not been washed and has the lovely scent of Britney after a night of drinking and dancing (a la her sweat and cigarette smoke)." Wonderful.
The piece of work behind this transaction doesn't mention exactly how she came to acquire the top half of Britney Spears' outfit, saying only that she works at a club Spears frequents; so let your imaginations run wild. And, lest I forget, the starting bid for such finery? A mere $500 (Yagottabefuckinkiddinme!). Don't all pull out your credit cards at once.
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