Congrats, Simpson family: Your pathetic attempts to stay in the spotlight have worked, and in the process, every last member of the family looks like a loser. Granted, it's been like this for awhile.
Here's the latest on the disaster Papa Joe created:
• Tony Romo and Jessica are still broken up, and Simpson reps are still denying it. Sources say Tony finally had enough of Papa Joe's meddling — which included unsolicited career advice — and also became upset after seeing Jess' Glamour magazine interview in which she referred to him as her "future husband."
• Papa Joe has begged Tony to accompany Jess to Ashlee's wedding this weekend to "support the family." Also, to keep up appearances.
• Speaking of the wedding from hell, Ashlee and Pete Wentz have asked guests to dress in dark colors for the big day. That's so deep.
• People has reportedly shelled out seven figures for exclusive access to the couple's wedding photos. Has the magazine learned nothing from the public's lack of interest in the Mariah wedding pictures?
[Source]
Remember Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz's "top secret" private wedding plans? Well, secrecy and privacy are out the window if you can afford to pay the couple seven figures for a press pass.
Got a million bucks and a blog? Get at them! And do try to spill a drink on someone.
WHAT'S THE OVER/UNDER ON HOW LONG THIS LASTS? "Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz will wed Saturday, May 17 at a 'top secret' location, a source close to the couple told Usmagazine.com. 'Proper invites have not been sent out but instead guests have been given a save the date notice,' the source told Us. … 'all guests will be transported in shuttles to the wedding location,' the source explained."
• Who knew Barbara Walters said vagina so often? And in so many different ways! [Queerty]
• It's official: Jimmy Fallon will replace Conan O'Brien next year. [DListed]
• "Rumor has it that Tori Spelling has just been cast in the 90210 spinoff show that the CW is doing." [INO]
• Famous john Charlie Sheen and his fiancée, Brooke Mueller, are asking for donations to charity in lieu of wedding gifts. [ICYDK]
• Lindsay Lohan has been dropped from the cast of another film. It's sad now. [Yeeeah]
• Do these people look like Muppets or do these Muppets look like people? [CityRag]
• Dina Lohan's TV show is finally here! Kill your flat-screen before her voice enters your home and controls your children and pets. [PS]
Here, President George W Bush poses with daughter Jenna at her Texas wedding on Saturday. Over 200 friends and relatives looked on as the bride, in a custom Oscar de la Renta gown, was married to Henry Hager, an MBA candidate and son of Virginia's GOP head.
How these fucking people sleep at night is beyond us.
Mariah Carey, who seems to have forgotten about that whole laser removal technique:
One thing [few people] knew was we got tattoos a few weeks earlier. So anyone who saw my ["Mrs. Cannon"] tattoo wasn’t surprised. To me rings are special and exciting, but tattoos mean more than anything. They’re forever and ever.
[Source]
YET ANOTHER WEDDING WE DON'T CARE ABOUT "A source close to [Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz] has told Hollyscoop exclusively, 'The wedding invitations have been sent out, its taking place the weekend of May 16. The location will not be revealed until the day of the wedding but guests are told it will be an hour drive from Los Angeles.' Our source also confirmed that Ashlee is 100 percent pregnant."
Oprah held a minor news conference today to discuss Mariah Carey's wedding, and she even showed the not-so-exciting wedding photos from People magazine. More fascinating, however, was the revelation that she got a "Mrs. Cannon" tattoo a few weeks back. Still not interesting? OK, you're right.
Click through to watch Oprah get wayyyyy too excited about this whole thing. CONTINUED »
This is what Jenna Bush's fiancé, Henry Hager, looks like, which you must have expected.
Bush and Hager will be married this Saturday at a ceremony on the Bush family ranch in Crawford, Texas. Once the nuptials are official, Hager's father, the head of the Republican party in Virginia, and Jenna's father, world-raper, will both sign a blood pact and bide their time until Henry and Jenna's firstborn son leads the WASPs to glory and expeditiously vanquishes sinners.
Now that Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are dating the Madden brothers, the natural next step is to have a double wedding for both couples. Nevermind the fact that Paris and Benji have only been together a little over a month compared to Nicole and Joel's relationship of a year and a half (complete with child) — these two romances are both ready to see the altar.
And wouldn't you know it, the former Simply Life ladies are planning the wedding in an effort to "make millions" from all the publicity. Because if anyone is hurting for money, its those two.
[Source]
SORRY, EVERY WOMAN AND GAY MAN IN THE WORLD "After 10 years of living as an 'almost married' couple, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis plan to make it official. Life & Style reports the couple, who already have two children together, will marry this summer."
Were Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie married in a cute secret ceremony in New Orleans this weekend? Nope! That's actually "complete and total bullshit."
News broke yesterday that diminutive ex-child star Gary Coleman was "secretly married" in August to Shannon Price, a woman half his age. Now, an Inside Edition interview with the couple reveals that there's already a fair amount of trouble in this strange, strange paradise.
CONTINUED »
In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.
Today's Someone Haiku winner is blah:
“that shit is fierce”
no longer an expression
ANTM indeed
The best us of "fierce" we've ever heard.
New one under here.
CONTINUED »
In anticipation of her May nuptials, first daughter Jenna Bush had 12 top designers sketch potential wedding dresses for her. This one, a Nicole Miller design, is our favorite. It looks to have room for a diaper, meaning Bush can wear it well into her incontinent dotage, when she's dancing by herself in front hallway mirrors and smearing lipstick all over her face.
Click through for the rest of the gowns.
CONTINUED »
• "…Hilton has been sexually involved with Lindsay Lohan, Kimberly Stewart, Britney Spears and of course Nicole Lenz." [Queerty]
• Rock of Love 2 is now infecting the airwaves. [DListed]
• Britney Spears is finding it difficult to respect the guidelines given her by a court of law. [PS]
• Here is a purse that resembles breasts! Perfect for the woman who is crazy. [HT]
• Flared jeans are once again in fashion, and yet they're still not cool. [INO]
• Christina Aguilera has released footage of her wedding to fans. Watch it if you're obsessive. [ICYDK]
• Drew Barrymore et al were involved in a bar fight. Do tell! [Yeeeah]
• "WTF is up with Bruno from Dance War's way too tight pants…?" Couldn't tell you, we don't go anywhere labeled Dance Wars. [CityRag]
One day, when they're old and gray, they'll look back at these pictures and almost be able to tell what they looked like on one of the most important days of their lives.
Editor
