Horatio Sanz fell into that "fat funny guy on Saturday Night Live" that always seemed to be hazardous for its occupants health. John Belushi, Chris Farley, and their drug/alcohol problems automatically come to mind. But by the beginning of the new millennium, Lorne Michaels seemed to have learned his lesson, and picked an actor who, while not quite shining like Belushi or Farley, seemed a lot more emotionally stable.
But what has Horatio been doing since he left SNL in 2006? Exercising and eating at Subways, apparently.
Are you guys ready for the "after" pic? You are definitely not ready:
• Good news, everybody: The world's fattest man has consummated his marriage. [DListed]
• Alert the media! Suri Cruise is wearing a jacket! [PS]
• Gwyneth Paltrow apologizes for wearing fur because, like us, PETA scares the bejeezus out of her. [INO]
• Eva Longoria wears Spanx. Fascinating. [HT]
• Winona Ryder was rushed to the hospital after overdosing on a flight. Look, if you wanted attention you could have just asked. [Yeeeah]
• Lara Flynn Boyle looks to be a healthy weight. If she were nine years old. [ICYDK]
ESQUIRE: PLEASE NOTE, VINCE VAUGHN HAS GOTTEN HEAVY • "Vince Vaughn looks a lot like Vince Vaughn, only bigger…His face is full, puffy enough to make him sometimes look as though he's fighting to keep his eyes open—not as though he's just woken up but as though he's never bothered to go to bed in the first place."
The Eva Longoria pregnancy rumors have been put to rest for the time being, thanks to a few E! trolls who spotted the Desperate Housewives actress smoking cigarettes last night at the BlackBerry Bold launch party. Oh, and sources say she was looking "super skinny," as opposed to the obese monster she has become as of late.
Seriously though, Eva has remained at relatively the same weight as she has during most of her time in the spotlight, so the lack of fat obviously does nothing to help squash the pregnancy rumors. So what does? We made up a list, after the jump. Feel free to add your own. CONTINUED »
Dancing With the Stars' Cheryl Burke took to the Ellen DeGeneres Show today to address the idiots who are calling her fat:
I was like, maybe I should just starve myself for four weeks just so people would shut up. But at the end of the day … I'm an athlete. I like to eat, I like to work out, and I like to feel healthy, and I feel healthy.
There is so much pressure — especially starting younger and younger — for girls to think they have to look a certain way. They're making themselves sick. … You don't have to be a size zero to be beautiful.
This is what everyone says all the time, but evidently it bears repeating because people still aren't getting it.
Cheryl Burke and Lacey Schwimmer, two of the female professional dancers on Dancing With the Stars, are being called fat by not only people in the media but also their male professional counterparts. Oh, come on. Are you kidding? These girls are NOT FAT.
Here's what dancer and professional ass Louis van Amstel has to say for himself:
If you want to gain weight, it's your prerogative. … But you have to deal with the consequences. [People] look at this show to be inspired and think, 'If I just work hard enough, I can look like that.' If they watch someone who's dancing her butt off and she's still heavy, they can be discouraged. You have to take responsibility.
And our dear, sweet, gorgeous Maksim Chmerkovskiy is also adding fuel to the fat fire:
When I first saw these women this season, I said, 'Guys, you know the camera adds 10 pounds. You have to do something about this.'
This is the most absurd, infuriating argument we've heard outside of the McCain/Palin campaign, but maybe we're just crazy. There's nothing fat about these girls, right? Right? Most women would kill to look like either Cheryl or Lacey and they've likely still inspired many viewers who really are overweight to get active and start dancing. To suggest otherwise is irresponsible and appalling.
[Source]
Raven Symone, a Cosby Show alum and former Disney star (before Miley Cyrus came along), is evidently a paparazzi target. Why any publications would want to run pictures of Raven is beyond us — this girl typically keeps to herself and doesn't do anything scandalous or exciting. Until now.
See, Raven has some sort of issue with her eyebrows. They don't look like typical eyebrows, so she normally has to fill them in. One day she got lazy and didn't take the time to do that (understandable), and the paparazzi snapped away, which led to people making fun of her eyebrows and weight issues. Up until this point we're on Raven's side — but then she had to take to her MySpace, of all places, and give us a Kanye-esque caps lock tirade of epic proportions. There's lots of exclamation points and typos, just to keep it real.
We thought about breaking it up into multiple paragraphs for your reading pleasure, but this is the way Raven intended to write her rant, so we must respect her wishes. Good luck reading the block of anger (after the jump). CONTINUED »
Britney Spears debuted her new music video for "Womanizer" on 20/20, and it was everything the BS Crazies could have ever wanted. She manages to make it through a few minutes without shaving her head, but it's still not exactly a cinematic masterpiece. Her new trick — driving with one foot steering the wheel — is quite impressive, however.
On a shallow note: Her body, while never obese or anything of that nature, looks amazing. Who knows if that's the magic of editing or dieting.
Hollywood never ceases to amaze us with the industry's routine absurdity, and this week is no different: In its latest issue, Us Weekly reveals that some of the new 90210 actresses are too thin. But, let's be serious here, there's no way these girls were cast for their acting abilities — the producers obviously picked who would best represent the young and beautiful. The show's leading lady (besides Lucille Bluth, of course), Shenae Grimes, is 5-foot-3 and comes in at an astonishing 90 pounds; co-star Jessica Stroup is 5-foot-8 and 100 pounds. Apparently this is alarming (you think?), so the show's producers and stars are "poised to take action," whatever that means.
Hey, remember the days when the beautiful 90210 girls actually weighed more than a feather? Poor Brenda Walsh would be shunned for being "the fat girl" if she were part of today's high school crew.
• The littlest Palin lady is the only one we can stomach. [DListed]
• Eva Longoria denies the pregnancy rumors: "I’m just fat. I gained 5lb over the summer so instead of a size zero, I’m a size one." [INO]
• Jennifer Aniston stays relevant by playing in the sprinklers. [HT]
• Kid Rock vs. Oprah … We have a feeling this isn't going to go well for the Kid. [ICYDK]
• Forget those new 90210 twerps; we'll take Adam Brody any day. [PS]
• Keira Knightley was verbally attacked by a someone, but she surprisingly survived without collapsing into a pile of malnourished bones. [Yeeeah]
AMERICAN WOMEN INCREASINGLY SELF-LOATHING "… according to a report published Monday by the nonprofit women's organization YWCA, our ceaseless pursuit of perfection is more toxic to American women and girls than ever. … Eighty percent of women say they're unhappy with their appearance, and 67% of women ages 25 to 45 are trying to shed pounds — though 53% of those women are already at a healthy weight. The report also cited a study in which 69% of the respondents (18 and older) said they were in favor of plastic surgery — a 7% increase from 2006."
What's this? Britney Spears is gracing the cover of OK! for the second time in as many weeks?
Just last week the tabloid scored the first interview — paparazzi shouting questions at her doesn't count — with the pop star in a cooperative arrangement, and this week Ms. Spears is showing off her new body in a clear "I've totally turned my life around" cover story.
In news that is surely devastating to 13-year-old boys everywhere, Kim Kardashian announced that she plans to lose weight in her butt. Evidently Kim has grown weary of the constant media attention that surrounds her rear: "I'm just so over it! When you're posing on the red carpet and the paparazzi shout, 'Turn around! Turn around!' — it gets a little offensive."
Fair enough, Kim, but then how will you stay in the spotlight? It's not like you ever do anything worthy of celebrity, unless you count that sex tape. The only reason anybody knows who you are is because of your famous ass, so you might want to reconsider your plans to tone it down.
[Source]
Remember way back in November when Jennifer Love Hewitt suddenly became relevant again thanks to a charming TMZ post criticizing her weight? And then JLH notoriously shot back that "a size 2 is not fat"? Well, evidently she still thought she could stand to lose a few pounds and then brag about it to Us Weekly. As you do. The actress claims she lost 18 pounds, but we have a hard time believing that.
Next week I'm scheduled to set foot on US soil for the first time in three months. I suppose it's about time I begin to get reacquainted with my mother nation's traditions and values, so I'm really happy this article ran in today's Wall Street Journal, reminding me that America is a place where serious thought is put into whether our politicians are fat enough to be good leaders.
… in a nation in which 66% of the voting-age population is overweight and 32% is obese, could Sen. Obama's skinniness be a liability? Despite his visits to waffle houses, ice-cream parlors and greasy-spoon diners around the country, his slim physique just might have some Americans wondering whether he is truly like them.
The candidate has been criticized by opponents for appearing elitist or out of touch with average Americans. A Wall Street Journal/NBC News poll conducted in July shows Sen. Obama still lags behind Republican John McCain among white men and suburban women who say they can't relate to his background or perceived values.
"He's too new … and he needs to put some meat on his bones," says Diana Koenig, 42, a housewife in Corpus Christi, Texas, who says she voted for Sen. Hillary Clinton in the Democratic primary.
"I won't vote for any beanpole guy," another Clinton supporter wrote last week on a Yahoo politics message board.
USA! USA! USA!
Richard Simmons descended upon Capitol Hill to fight childhood obesity with a happy dance and emotional plea. We're sure his cause is a worthy one, but every time we look at him we can't help but be reminded of all his stints on David Letterman. Click through for two of our favorites (and you can watch Richard's Capitol Hill speech here).
In case you had any question that Jessica Alba is a miserable shrew, please note what she told the UK version of Cosmopolitan when asked about her pregnancy body:
I never felt less sexy. I mean, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world and my cravings weren’t so bad — I craved citrus fruits, like lemons, oranges and grapefruit. But I wanted to get rid of all the weight.
And remember: She wants to be taken seriously as an actress — not just known for her body.
Fake British dame Gwyneth Paltrow in the new Harper's Bazaar: "And you know, I don’t want to look like a mother who doesn’t care. For myself, for my work and for my relationship, I want to look good."
Hear that, fatties? You just don't want it enough. Why aren't you paying for the kind of trainer who makes you want it?
Editor
