The tabloids are finally getting over Heath Ledger's death, and it's about time, because at this point they're just grasping at straws. Most of the magazines have reverted back to their old habits: covering Brangelina. We want to stab our eyes out every time we are forced to read a "Jen's jealous!" cover story.

Perhaps Britney's stint at the psych ward did some good, because she managed to only land two covers this week. Of course, she brought enough crazy for all five magazines with her declarations of marriage and the fact that she really doesn't want her kids back. Good for her kids.

And famewhores Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are at it again, giving two completely different stories to both Us Weekly and Life & Style. Could it be they're not being honest with someone? Could it be they've never been honest in their lives? We don't care that much anymore, but obviously the tabs do.

Us Weekly
Cover: Michelle Williams was joined by family and friends in the final memorial service for Heath Ledger: "That's where she found something she'd been in search of for almost three weeks — a bit of closure." And hopefully the tabs have found that closure as well, because three weeks of this is overkill.
• Surprise: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are selling their sob story to Us about how Heidi "cried [herself] to sleep" after the negative response to her music video, if you want to call it that. She goes on to say that she felt better after her single made it to No. 7 on the iTunes charts — oh, and she's praying for Lauren.
• Kirsten Dunst is in rehab, and Us is reporting the trip is to treat cocaine and alcohol abuse. Her rep denies using cocaine, but it's pretty obvious there was something more than alcohol going on there.

In Touch
Cover: Britney doesn't want her kids back, according to ex-husband Jason Alexander. We initially applauded Brit on her awareness that she can't properly care for her two boys, but then she had to ruin it: "She said it doesn't matter if she doesn't get them back full-time, and that she can always have other kids later on." Yes, just replace them, Brit. Like a new wardrobe.
• Larry Birkhead and Anna Nicole Smith's mom are somehow still considered relevant, and this time it's because Virgie Arthur is trying to gain custody of Dannielynn. Speaking of Anna Nicole's daughter, she's still cross-eyed. For those of you keeping track.
• Michael Lohan's back in the spotlight, and he's warning everyone about the fatal effects of mixing prescription drugs. "Most of these young people shouldn't even be on some of these medications — instead, they should get spiritual guidance." Um … from Daddy Lohan? No thanks, we'll take the drugs.

Life & Style
Cover: Angelina is putting her unborn child — and herself — in danger by traveling to Iraq. "This is crazy!" Life & Style's cover screams at us, and we have to agree. A normal mom-to-be wouldn't be prancing around one of the world's most dangerous regions wearing a 15-pound bullet-proof vest. But this is why we're not dating Brad Pitt.
• Britney's fortune has dropped from $100 million to $40 million in the past year, and the IRS is looking into the situation. Who needs the Feds? We know exactly where all that money has gone: Starbucks. If the IRS should be looking into anything, it's how Britney spends $192,000 a year on clothes and still manages to end up looking downright awful.
• Oh, this is interesting: Heidi is giving another interview to L&S, but this time she is singing a different tune. She and Spencer said the video was meant to be a spoof, and Heidi says "all negative energy — I completely ignore it." These two give us a headache.

Star
Cover: Britney and Adnan got hitched in Mexico last month. This story is so absurd, but knowing Britney, it's probably true. The marriage isn't legal, but Britney still calls him her husband — hence her declaration at the hospital that her mother was sleeping with her husband. We're assuming she knew it was true love when he let her lick Starbucks whipped cream off his finger.
• Jamie Lynn is pissed that Britney is getting all the attention, so she's planning on getting a double-wide trailer with her boyfriend, Casey. That … isn't exactly newsworthy, but Star thinks it is. Good job, JL. the mag also goes on to say that the youngest Spears cheats on Casey, and even slept with someone at a party after she revealed she's preggers: "It's cool, I'm pregnant," she said. "I can have sex with anyone I want. I can't get pregnant again." Sounds logical. And completely insane.
• Oh, boy. More Heath news. Star is jumping on the conspiracy bandwagon, asking why two of the drugs found in his system weren't also found at the crime scene. Here's the deal: Nobody wants to talk about this anymore except for Star. And maybe TMZ.

OK!
Cover: OK! must be desperate, because this week they busted out a recycled Brangelina vs. Jen story. You've heard it all before: Jen is jealous because Angie is preggers, Jen is a pathetic human being and Angie is the next Mother Teresa, etc.
• In an effort to suck up to the mag's cash cow, OK! runs a tear-jerker story on Jamie Lynn, who's "got a good head on her shoulders" and is "more in love than ever" with boyfriend Casey. The mag could have just run a story saying "sell us the first baby pictures!" and it would have been just as effective.
• Despite reports that Eric Dane is pissed at OK!, the mag is insisting that Grey's Anatomy's McSteamy loves being on the cover. "I'm great!" he reportedly told OK! staffers after last week's issue proclaiming he had cancer. We are going to go out on a limb here and say if he did speak to the mag, the words were probably not suitable for print.