The missives contained in Mollygood’s comments sections run the gamut from funny to enlightening to choleric to unreadable, but rarely are they boring and even rarer (thankfully) are they peppered with “OMG she is hottttttttt!” or “z”s in the place of “s”s. Since the swift death of Mollygood, Bad and Poetic, the best of these bon mots have gone relatively unnoticed. The Commies will change all that. Each week, the very best will be highlighted here for greater public consumption and, of course, judgment.

Worst Baby Shower Guest: SweetXmas

There goes the dream bod. Hopefully, she’ll fare better than J-LO. Twins will kill her bod, plus, they’ll have their ugly father’s face.

Most to the Point Misanthropy: eeks

Society is so retarded.

Best Advice for Younger Readers: janice

If you drink a Coke after sex, it’s physically impossible to get pregnant, cause the carbonation kills the sperm.

Best Question in Response to Ridiculous Backlash and Inapt Comparisons to Kanye: Kyle

To everyone who thinks Nas is a racist or that this is just publicity, was it the same when the book “Cunt” by Inga Muscio came out? Was she a misogynist who was trying to court controversy?

Rootinest, Tootinest Southerner: kooooooooooo

You are confused! That is normal behavior anywhere even in your precious NYC so get over the fact that most Americans are not from NY or LA. Shocker! The reason most southerners hate NYCers is because of this pointed nose in the air behavior. Look at yourselves. I mean yall let Donald Trump in you city so you can’t be all that great.

Most Appreciated Counterpoints: Shit#1

As an aside to Dawn F - I guess you don’t really read this site often - this whole post was kind of a joke, chill.

But I am annoyed by your barrage of questions. A litany of rhetorical questions is a lazy man’s rhetocial device (that is giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming you didn’t think Cord would actually answer you). And I may be projecting, but I gather that you think your points are relevant, smart and, somehow, witty? I hate to disabuse you of those notions, but I feel I must.

And so, because I am annoyed and bored, I will answer each of your questions in turn. I have been reading here for a while and I too live in NY, so I will humbly answer for Cord as best I can.

1)Ever heard of the shipping industry? My guess is that he as indeed heard of it. Or at least seen trucks, paid shipping and handling or gotten some imported delicacy from china town. I get what you are trying to do here - but it is sort of an unsophisticated point. He knows, and you know he knows, about the “shipping industry.” And he knows you know he knows. So this question is not only boring, but it is useless in a reasoned argument.

2) or do you think people who don’t live on the coast do not have access to fish? Ah, he said good sushi. He didn’t touch upon access to fish. You are incorrectly applying a particular to a general class. I bet he has bought frozen fish from Trader Joe’s. It is delicious. But then again, a fried fillet is not sushi. Which is my point vis a vis your question.

3)how do you think fish/meat/vegetables get to manhattan? Local farmers as well as purveyors from overseas and around the country. This question is sort of immaterial since he knows about the “shipping industry” - something you assumed for your “gotcha” moment in your first Q (that is where the sarcasm of it stems from). But anyways, planes trains and automobiles. Oh and sometimes ships.

4)walked over via sherpas from the farms in central park or fished from the piers? Is this supposed to be funny? Because it isn’t. Not at all. Work on your sarcasm. I mean why sherpa? How about “lil’ Jim Bob from the Sawyer homestead in Central Park” or perhaps “ferried over from Ma’s garden in New Jersey.” (Because NJ is the garden state. Layers!)

5) do you really believe there are no UNcool people in NYC and no cool people elsewhere? Short answer, no. Long answer, you are making up, out of whole cloth, an assertion that was never espoused by Cord. Hell, he thinks he is cooler than 90% of NYC, so clearly, if you have ever read this site before, he doesn’t think there are no uncool people in NYC. Conversely, he is not from the city, and thinks himself awesome, so clearly he thinks there ARE cool people out of the city. Sidenote, talking about relative “coolness” is pretty lame. Or as you would say “uncool.” Especially when the subject was never broached. So try not to be an example of a sterotype you are railing against. It weakens your point.

6) are all of your daily conversations profoundly deep and meaningful? Uh, what are you reading, because I am reading a gossip site. One that is more interesting and nuanced than others, sure, but still it is just goss. Also, I am sure this site doesn’t reflect upon the entirety of his conversations. That is a ridiculous proposition for you to insinuate. Also, it is one of those stupid “answer yes or no” questions from third grade where both answers are undesirable. Like “do your parents know you are an asshole.” Answer yes, you are an asshole, answer no, you are still an asshole. This is a pretty low level argumentitive technique.

7) is writing for a gossip site intellectually challenging and important? No. Cord has said this many times. As a matter of fact he said it **in this post.** Are you really arguing that because you don’t have an important job, that your opinions are less valid, or you are less able to pass judgment on matters of taste? I mean, if you are asserting that - your whole post is moot. Because, dear lady, I would bet that more people in NYC have more improtant and intellectually challenging jobs than you do - I will go so far as to say than most of Tuscon. So NYC gets to judge matters of taste and you/Tuscon don’t. Erego, Cord is right, and you are wrong, because he is voicing the opinion of many in NYC. I would like to state for the record that I believe that even though you do not have an intellectually challenging or important job, you can still have the opinion that other people are more vacuous and have a wrong opinion. Especially when they love Julia Roberts.

8)lastly- do you believe you’ll never be a septuagenarian? Um, I think you have issues. Because Cord never said anything like that. He doesn’t hate septagenarians, he just likes using big words. Further, belief in ageing does not correlate to not thinking that these old biddies had no taste. I believe in ageing and I believe that they are wrong. I also believe that not all elderly share their opinion. Thus, disagreeing with these particular seppies does not equate to distaste (in general, but I don’t have time to explain that disagreeing with an opinion doesn’t automatically equate to dislike of the opinion holder) for them all. Nor does it mean that one does not believe in ageing.

9) and when you do get old, do you think you’ll retain your *cool and smug superiority* and such will be recognized by the young and hip? Yes. Cord is kind of a dick, so he will always be smug and superior. Coolness, on the other hand, is subjective, and Cord is aware of this. Conversely, good taste is timeless, and so he will never be the one lauding Julia Roberts with his friends. You see that is a fault in taste, not a lack of knowledge of current trends. So he will likely retain a *tasteful and smug superiority*.

In closing, it is not what you said, but that you did it so poorly. You pretty much did a disservice to your cause. Which I gather is “Save the Tuscon Septegenaians from Cool and Smug Superiority”?