The missives contained in Mollygood’s comments sections run the gamut from funny to enlightening to choleric to unreadable, but rarely are they boring and even rarer (thankfully) are they peppered with “OMG she is hottttttttt!” or “z”s in the place of “s”s. Since the swift death of Mollygood, Bad and Poetic, the best of these bon mots have gone relatively unnoticed. The Commies will change all that. Each week, the very best will be highlighted here for greater public consumption and, of course, judgment.

Best Katherine Heigl impersonation: ilnazhad

For those of you wondering why I haven’t won a commie… I did not feel that I was given the posts this week to warrant a commie and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the Cock Ferret Commie Organization, I withdrew my name from contention.

Never going to get it: Maywood

Whoa! If those women featured in photograph are part of what the liberal media call “the colorful tapestry of modern America,” and if indeed these same women are merely looking for sweet and gentle-natured love without criticism from outsiders, why is one of them triumphantly brandishing her fist? Less ‘love’ and more ‘agenda,’ perhaps?

Small wonder the taliban hates us so. Hard to defend America as a godly nation so long as homosexuals are militantly on the march, and good men standly idly by–until November.

Most vivid memories: jujubees

I hated that song. I didn’t have a first dance. I had a first, “couples skate”. Yep, roller rink so I’m super old. It was a tasty little number by the one and only Air Supply.

I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you. Sadly, I never saw that guy again. But we shared one magical night holding sweaty palms and eating nachos. We’ll always have the skatium. Dave, Dan, Dirk, Darren. Whatever your name was guy who’s name starts with a d. Or maybe it was a c?

Best reason to bullet-proof your car: queencrone

This is a great idea, considering the way my children and I like to flip the other drivers off.
We are bound to piss off a gun owner at some point. I like to think of it as Driving Roulette.

I’ll be getting that bullet proofing this week.
You just can’t be too safe now days, what with all us crazies out there.

Most moving speech: Lale's Complicated

Denise Richards. I really admire her gumption; asked by her then-husband to have an abortion, she chose not only to have the fetus she was carrying, but to stay married and procreate again. Fuck you, Charlie! I’ll bring more kids into this world if I want to! Then, after scandal after scandal including stealing her best friend’s husband and having pictures of her loose labia leaked on the Internet, she managed to get herself a fine little reality show. Kudos to you, Denise. Let us all learn that proud women can’t be stopped.

Most in-depth Jesus/Batman analysis: Lily the Pink

Apples and oranges. Batman is far more entertaining than Jesus. Sure, Batman works for good, much like Jesus, but he has awesome toys and is willing to kick some ass to meet his goals. Jesus might have been able to walk on water, but did he know ninjitsu? I don’t think so.

Best formula for a box office smash: Be Adequite

And if it’s a midget, walking a small toy dog, then it’s doubly funny. Triple points if a cripple in a wheelchair is with them too