The missives contained in Mollygood’s comments sections run the gamut from funny to enlightening to choleric to unreadable, but rarely are they boring and even rarer (thankfully) are they peppered with “OMG she is hottttttttt!” or “z”s in the place of “s”s. Since the swift death of Mollygood, Bad and Poetic, the best of these bon mots have gone relatively unnoticed. The Commies will change all that. Each week, the very best will be highlighted here for greater public consumption and, of course, judgment.
Most sensitive: blah
Getting mad at the photographer for making you look ugly is like asking, “Do these jeans make me look fat?”. No they don’t. The fat is making you look fat. Tubby.
Don't give Katy Perry any more ideas: Keeblerkahn
I can’t wait for her follow up, UR so Jewish.
You’re such a jew and you don’t even like money
No, you don’t even like
No, you don’t even like
No, you don’t even like
My future wedding planner: Cait
As a southerner/future bride, I find this show both humbling and inspirational. I look forward to adding strips of camoflauge fabric to my alencon lace dress, and what wedding would be complete without departing from the mudpit-based reception on a 4×4? We plan to serve Natty Ice and cocktail weenies, for a seated dinner that is both approachable yet classy. Our groomsmen will wear tuxedo t-shirts, and our bridemaids have been instructed to leave their Skoal home that day. We can’t have those polyester dresses getting all stained, right?
Shit, I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.
Best attempt at making sense of the senseless: jujubees
I think if your lipgloss be popping you may either have a scorching case of herpes or your lipgloss is toxic. Either way, get that checked out.
Most politically correct: sar
Dancing is a sacred act between a man and a woman. I believe gay people should have the same rights as every other citizen, but I feel that gay dancing, even if the two are married, is contributing to the breakdown of traditional dance partnering.
Best revelation: killorn
Are we really supposed to be living out our dead relatives’ dreams? If that’s the case, I have LOT of black people to hate for no reason.
Most eloquent description of Heidi Montag: stopthemadness
she makes me want to pee in my own eyes.
Editor
Funny commies!! Congrats to all! :-)
STM, "pee in my own eyes" is the new "throw up in my mouth a little bit."
oh snap, good ones this week.
Good timing too. Congrats!
you guys, my first commie!! eeeeek! :D
blah! i called your commie last week.
you know what that means.
i get fiddy percent.
I'm so excited! I love love love the Commies, especially the "pee in my own eyes". You know that had me laughing all night STM.
Very well STM. A deal is a deal. You shall recieve your fiddy in scotch and chocolate rations. I will NOT have you spending good money on garbage.
My first Commie! I just read it aloud to my fiance, and I think he's actually a little frightened now about our impending redneck nuptials…
Hags, if I were to ever HAVE something as archaic as a bachelorette party, I would so want you there.
Sweeeeeeeeeet. Sure I had to sell my soul to the devil and all. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell anyways.It made me pee in my eyes a little.
congrats to all, you guys crack me up!
STM: you are the best!
OMG NO WAY. This bestowment has magically transformed my drinking Miller Hi Life tallboys into a celebration and not just Pounding On A Monday For No Reason.
i knew i liked you killorn!
awesome name, kwitcherbitchen!
Congrats Sar and Cait - you are now members of Club Commie! These were all quite exceptional, 2 snaps in a Z formation all around!! Will I ever stop using exclamation points!!! NO!!!!
Thank you! I'm not sure if I'm prouder of my commie, or of the fact that my skilled comment work contributed to your fabulous new name "Lisa (tinkle)" :)
I humbly accept my commie and would like to dedicate it to Stopthemadness. You have coined a phrase that I think will stay with us for some time to come. I tested it out in conversation last night and my friends response was, "Wait, what did you just say?"
Congratulations to our first time winners. You will all be receiving keys to the executive washroom. There are only two rules you need to know. First, put the lid down when you are done or you will never hear the end of it from Whitney. Second, jiggle the handle on the toilet after you flush or it will run forever. This also helps from sending Cord into a 'Do you people think I'm made of money' rant when the water bill arrives.
Thanks Keebler! Maybe it would just be more convenient if we peed in our own eyes?
Thanks Whitney. It probably takes ages to get this together.
aw shucks, keebler. could you call jon stewart and see if he could say it on the daily show?
much obliged.
Congrats, everyone. These were hilarious. killorn, you on tears of laughter. Either that or I peed in my own eyes.
"…you brought on tears of laughter."
sar, how did you inspire Lisa(tinkle)?
tinkle.
pee.
i'm sensing a theme here.
i think it was the comment that got me a commie! she said it made her pee a little.
seriously this whole thing might have been the most fulfilling moment of my week.
sar, there is no shame in that. i get unreasonably excited on commie day. even if i end up not winning one. commies make mondays less craptastic.
three chairs for mr. and mrs. mollygood!
or cheers.
three cheers would make more sense.