The missives contained in Mollygood’s comments sections run the gamut from funny to enlightening to choleric to unreadable, but rarely are they boring and even rarer (thankfully) are they peppered with “OMG she is hottttttttt!” or “z”s in the place of “s”s. Since the swift death of Mollygood, Bad and Poetic, the best of these bon mots have gone relatively unnoticed. The Commies will change all that. Each week, the very best will be highlighted here for greater public consumption and, of course, judgment.
Most likely to be Spencer Pratt (and didn't get the haters memo): Milly
Haters! U r all just jealous of Heidi's beauty and Spencer's business genius. Get a life losers because Heidi and Spencer r enjoying thier millions and superstardom and the rest of y'all r not fit to wash thier feet. Ha, Ha.
Best morning show ribbon dancing commentator: Keeblerkahn
As great a routine as this was, they still got screwed out of the gold by a Chinese morning show who dropped their ribbons twice and were using under age news anchors.
Most eloquent description of how we feel about the Jonas Brothers: sprout
I just… see… ferrets… I can't get over it. They look like ferrets. With perms.
Best at predicting Jesus' thoughts on Speidi: stopthemadness
what would jesus do? jesus would (a) do a shot in honor of sar's birthday; and (b) promptly pee in his own eyes.
i mean, there's being crucified, and then there's having to deal with these two deutschbags. god, it makes me want to tinkle.
Newest marketing genius: ilnazhad
*PARTY ANIMALS*
Pick up snazzy wigs for your cats! Yes, you ARE that lonely!
Tired of going to pubs with bitches? Disguise your feline friend in a wig and have some shots (of milk) with your modish moggy! They’re only catty pussies in the most literal sense, cock sprout.New colors will soon be available when PETA throws paint on us.
COMES WITH WHISKER-CURLERS AND PIERCINGS FOR THE ITTY BITTY KITTY TITTIES!
ALL THIS FOR FREE!!!!*
*unless we actually send you them
~jazz paws~
Most bizarre segue: J Loren
Leave the LDS church alone - we don't practice polygamy, go to http://www.lds.org for real guidance; Mitt Romney is great, he should be president. Say what you want about him, but leave Latter-Day Saints out of it. Thanks. And instead of spreading negativity, support who you'd like in a positive way. The world already has enough drama; why be so hateful?
Best description of Katie Holmes: Stoney
She's not that bad compared to explosive diarrhea.
Editor
I Rofl'd at the Party Animals one
*jazz paws*
i'm pretty sure i called ilnaz's commie. so, fork over 50%!
60% of the time, itty bitty kitty titties cracks me up everytime.
I think we missed some Sarah ones. And I really liked Brenda Walsh's comparison of Katie Holmes to overcooked pasta.
And thanks for the commie, but I really think my comment was pseudo.
Congratz, dudes.
Whitney will give any comment about cute cats a commie.
Watch:
Catslja adjnaldjfna cats cutejadljgnlasdg
This will win next week.
I'll bet you a commie trophy, when I get mine in the mail. They do send you trophies, right?
Yes, STM did call it, right out loud, it's only fair to award her half of whatever you guys make from these commies… rich bastards!
Ilz, quit being such a modest whore.
Your kitty-tittie ad made me pee right where I stood, and again, just now, re-reading it… Makes me want to slap my cat and berate him for not being cute enough without my having to shell out the bucks to buy him a wig.
JAZZ PAWS!
DINOSAURS!
Yeay! The Commies!!
Congrats to all!
Congrats bitches…and keebs. Good commies this week. I was already lmao and then read Sarah's last comment…now I'm trying to read through a beer spewed screen. La cheers!
Jazz Paws. Fantastic.
Congrats to this week's winners!
Congrats everyone! Man, I have been on a reading-MG-Lite schedule lately, so good to see this caught some threads that slipped in my crack. What?
I think that's "labia," Lisa. Or "genitalia."
lisa, it's too early to be talking about your crack. or is it too late to be talking about your crack?
wait, wait, i got it! it's too early to be smoking crack!
that's what it is.
so, what's this about your crack?
if you say crack a lot, it starts to lose all meaning.
"made me pee right where i stood" is the new "made me pee on the inside."
Also, explosive diarrhea is underrated. I'm pretty sure crack is what does that to you.
Yeah, crack and meth will both do that to you. Or so the Germans would have us believe.
And both of those things are fun! As is explosive diarrhea.
congrats to all! and what's with all the bodily fluids flying around in here?
I am not Spencer. I wish I was 'cause he is so brilliant and handsome, even though I don't have a penis and don't really want a beard and really don't want to like girls. Heidi is so beautiful and she has such fashion sense with the awesome clothes she makes. Yeah. i would like to be Heidi 'cause she has ovaries, just like me. She likes boys too. Even though she would never cheat on super hot Spencer. So, go ahead, losers. Get a life! Heidi and Spencer for President and President of awesome girlfriends.!
Like I said, explosive diarrhea. Underrated, fun, and more importantly, not Spencer OR Heidi.
Congrats to all!
Payton, would you please tell me what's wrong with Wordpress? (Go look at the "LC makes more money than god and everyone" commies… please.)
Yep, she has ovaries.
I think you can see 'em in the new clip…
yay for continuing the crappy commie pattern! woo woo!
Sarah: I prefer lady business - or more specificity. Are we talking majora or minora? Deeeeetails people!
STM: Crack is like bagel bites - crack in the morning, crack in the evening, crack at suppertime. Basically, as long as your crack in on a bagel, you can have crack anytime.
well played, lisa.
well played, indeed.
Elves, dammit, I meant for you to look at THE COMMIES of the "LC makes the most money in the world" thing. Not just the picture! God. You're such a GUY.
Sarah- The same Wordpress thing happened to me. It's so confusing. It won't let you post a particular comment on a particular post. Then if you try again it sometimes says "you already posted that" or something, but the comments isn't actually posted. Then, you'll add in some words and change it around BUT IT STILL doesn't post that comment. Then you'll be like "maybe I posted to many in a row or something" and you'll give it one last shot with a totally new comment. And it will work. It's so fucking weird.
Sarah, you still with us?
Well, I wasn't, but now I'm back. There's a thing I have to be at by 10 AM, and I already took the Ambien, so now I'm afraid I won't wake up. I'll go as an Ambie'd out Zombie and not remember a thing of it.
I'm just warning you… I may say some weird-ass stuff over the next couple of hours. Of course Wordpress will allow me to humiliate myself.
Oh. My. God. Wordpress still hates me.
Is it Plan B? Can you not say Plan B?
Okay, that's not it either.
Is it the combination of "Killed, eaten and then raped before you can enjoy your new vibrator?"
You guys, I just found the word that Wordpress has deemed "The One That Shall Go Unspoken!"
I really wish I could tell you what it is. Because it is the weirdest goddamn thing you ever heard. I'm gonna go leave it on STM's blog… go look there.
Oh wait. She uses Wordpress too.
Dammmmmit.
I'm going to try anyway.
Success! Okay, you all can storm STM's blog now. I left it under the very first post, I think it's comment #7. ENJOY.
I mean, the first post that you see, not "the first post." That would've taken too long.
STM, now your blog hates me, too. My comments have disappeared!
Well, anyway. I'm going to try to rephrase my post and not use THAT WORD. It's pretty important to the story, so it could take a while to figure out how to do it.
Dammit, I won't be left in suspense! What's the word??
Totally! I wanna know!!!
Congratumalations comtastic whores!! I love Tuesday mornings because I get to wake up to reminders of the past week's hilarity. Milly is my new favorite because she likes boys and has ovaries.
Milly for President and President of Awesome Commentators!!
No comments = no fun.
Is anyone else having comment trouble still? I know Sarah was this morning, but now I am and it's making me sad in my pants.
Sarah comments almost as many times in a row as I usually do. It's gotta be something in teh name.
LOVED the Commies this week, hags. Well done! And I hope Sarah and brenda walsh get some love soon, too. And I thought klillorn had some good shit this week.
Also FYI I'm considering myself no longer blacklisted under Cord's regime since I was mentioned in a winning comment. Deutschbags FTW!
I'm so excited a little pee came out!
mae. I gots a joke for ya. Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell off…
I love it, bb&b. I love it more that nobody else (probably) gets it.
And he damn near drowned! Why oh why couldn't it have been Repeat? Nobody would have bothered to save his boring ass.
I humbly accept me Commie and would like to dedicate to you, the little people. You spend your life looking up to me and asking for nothing in return. You draw strength form my example to help you carry on, but it is you my friends who have enriched my life in so many ways. Be it your work on The Wizard of OZ or Time Bandits or any number of David Lynch dream sequences, it is you who inspire, or dare I say it, compleat me. This commie is for you my midget brethren. May you stand tall and strong and continue to look life right in the groin unashamed. You enbiggen us all.
Congratulations to all the winners.
What a regal sense of occasion you brought with that, Keebler. I feel underdressed.
It's LITTLE PERSON, mother fucker.