I completely missed the one about doing Oprah in the eye. It was oddly hilarious. Who ever gets a horny eye?

"I'm really horny, do me in my eyehole!"

that's a short list of winners. congrats maria…and john johnson, please get some help. congrats to kitchy too.

Damn, I am so sorry I missed last week! John Johnson is the MAN! Odd capitalization, the worry that we will define gay as happy - fantastic. I submit that we all tack "or homesexual" on to adjectives. For example: The fact that Maria got a meta-Commie ™ if farking awesome or Female Homosexual.

Congradulations to all the great and funny winners:-)

How Did I manage to miss the Female Homosexual Quote? And What is up With the Random capitalization of Letters?

Congrats winner… Kitchy, we still have our no commie battle going!

I wish that Chelsea would come back. I guess she only wants to defend Pete and not the other guy. I already forgot his name but the one that will be on Law and Order. Where is her love for all the band members? She's such a poser.

Female Homosexual???? LMAO

what's awesome is kitchy and SM's losing streak…it's fucking gay, er, female homosexual!

thank you cord. even though i didn't win anything i still thank you for posting this…it really does make my monday.

I suppose if I had to be a homosexual, a female homosexual (a.k.a. lesbian) would probably be the way for me to go. I'm really grateful for John for clearing that up.

PS, This Oprah does not like black men. The other Oprah is fine with them. I'm glad to know I can pick my Oprah. Such as the giveaway Oprah. I like it when she gives out cars and Gucci glasses. I want to hang with that Oprah.

I want to hang out with fat Oprah. We would have the best binges evar!!1!

can i customize my oprah to grow hydroponics? i bet she'd have the best around.

Who is this Oprah person? I thought we were talking about ophra………..

I like fat Oprah too. She's let you eat ice cream in her bed. But watch out. She may get all drunk on the sugar and get all female homosexual on you.

sorry, i suck.

I mean *she'd let you*.

No, deimos. It was great. I thought you meant you wanted to customize your Oprah with hydroponics.

I was kind of thinking I'd like to customize my Oprah with hydraulics. Take her out to meet my cholos.

If she’d allow me to serve her, I’d do Oprah in the eye or any way she wants and say “yes m’am” or “yes’um Miss Oprah” or however she wants me to verbally display my fealty.

I could be like her new Steadman, except female homosexual.

Hey …great…I won a Commie….its made my month….but what happened to Headline Comp…did'nt I win that too?

Congrats to all winners and boo f-ing hoo to all us losers!

I'm dying right now reading you guys! You totally make my Monday. BTW, I'm so glad you posted this. The Commies is sort of like a tribute to assholes. It warms me.

Juje: I think it would be worth is to have Oprah as a best friend or Sugar Mama or Female Homosexual.

Sigh - I need solace and some pity. I have just burned an entire pound of chocolate. Grieve with me people.

Ouch! Too much typey not enough watchey the double boiler-y?

I'm sorry, I can't even speak. I'm so sad for your chocolate. It was too yummy to burn.

Exactly. I left it too long in the double boiler. Then I thought I'd microwave it, then I tried putting it back in there. I am a cruel tryant. It was going towards a good cause…all to no avail. Assassinate me.

BTW, when I read john johnson's post, I pictured in my mind some evil man from some female-oppressive country who doesn't let his woman wear shoes.

congrats Billy!…I'd like to thank the little people who made this possible for me. My infant son…my husband, my pathetic job.

I have a feeling John is afraid of boobies. It's ok, John. Boobies are your friend. They come in peace.

I think the chocolate was microwved too long, or Female Homosexual.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, female homosexuals. You buy them books and send them to school and they still skip school.

I totally femaled homosexualled them too long. next time, I will be sure to slowly add Steadmen to them.

Ugh. Another week of no commies awards for BeAd. Routine, routine…sigh.

I need a tshirt.

*takes a bow, smacks down Sugar while she's there*

*likes it kitchy*

Is john johson single?

HAAAHAHA, Cause if he's not, you really feel sorry for his significant other, huh?! :-)

Oh My! I don't think "Thee Commies" could have been any better if I chosen them myself! Words just can't explain the complete awe I feel at this moment! The protocol module is a complete success! Juju you MUST have yours installed! Yes, yes, yes!
Congrats to all the winners!

Very well then. I will have my Oprah fitted for hydraulics first thing tomorrow.

congrats Maria…I see you have had a shitty month/life too….hey how did you know about my pathetic job?

dear Ed…i hate to keep reminding you about announcing a winner for the Headline Comp….but you promised…I hope you are as good as your words…..I can't stand the suspense no more and need a toilet break….announce it ..and be damned…..ooops too late for the toilet…but at least I'm now feeling wet & warm all over….even if I do stink like shit.

I hope you have some baby wiped handy. Terence Howard will never be your friend.

The thing with the baby wipes Billy is that if you don't let your butt air out, you'll have post green apple splatters swamp ass. So wipe and then wait a min. or two before pulling those board shorts up.

p.s. Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, I've got a wonderful feeling everythings going my way.

Listen to, Maria. That's just really sage advice there. Let the ass air dry first. I'm going to write that down somewhere. Unfortch, I think my ass has melted to my chair.

I REALLY NEED SOME COFFEE, DAMNIT. When will Starbucks deliver?

I wonder who will win the commie for "Best Comment About a Commie Winner" comment.

I dreamed about john johnson last night.

Maria I think you need to win something for rocking out some Oklahoma! I always want to sing "How do you solve a problem like Maria? How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand!

Hey Sugar, I dreamed about John's johnson!

i dont ever expect to win a commie. My comments just arent that good, plus i think cord hates me, but this? This is JUST as good as winning acommie.

I didn't even know she responded to me. Its almost like being defended by cord. Almost… ITs like the reverse ofa best.

by the way.. i wonder how old she thinks i am. Being called a littlekid by a 13 year old.. would that put me at 10? its got to be reasonable that i am able to access this site.

My life will not be validated until I win one.

Thanks for the arsewipe advice Maria and all.I have spent a lovely afternoon thoroughly grooming my backside. Now I know how Captain Kirk felt….getting rid of The Klingons ain't easy. But now my butt end is as clean and shiny as a billiard ball. I knew that Black & Decker sander I bought last year would come in handy one day. I highly recomend it for removing any problem poos.
Thanks Again
Billy

Billy,
I like to call them dingleberries. Does the sander also get rid of problem blackheads? My husband said that "black heads are always on his butt". So I wanted to help him out with that too. I try to be the most perfect wife possible, with the Lord's help of course.

Dear Maria…You will find the Black & Decker Blowtorch burns off blackheads from a backside better than the sander. It hurts like hell but can be a good way of showing hubby just how much you love him. I guarantee the lazy bum wont be sitting on his arse in front of the telly for at least a month. It will give him the opportunity to do all those little DIY jobs around the house that hes been promising for years.

Billy,
Sometimes I feel like a down and out drag queen. My hubby comes home and I get nary a wave. He says I love me blogs more than him. Not true. I didn't even get congratulations from him after I broke the good news about the Commie Award. He just laughed at me and laughed at me. He said if that measly little award makes me happy, anything would. I’ve decided right here and now that his black heads on his bum are his problem and I won’t blow him neither! I want to thank you Billy for truly changing my outlook on life with my monster husband.
Sincerely,
Broken in Brooklyn.

Dear Maria..I know just how you feel.If you ever need to borrow my power tools just ask.
Peace & Light
Billy

Wait, I won a commie? When? Maria, sorry if my comments seem long-winded, the sad part is I've cut a lot out of what I usually want to say by the time I post, some things just really piss me off. I wish I had an easy job like writing for a soap (even though I'd rather stab myself in the eyeball than watch one), LOL. Oh and for the record, sometimes my computer acts funny, so I end up posting twice by an accident, not just trying to annoy anyone with double posts. I'll keep it short from now on.

I need help from ophra winfery i have a bad life i need her advise and her help elso i want to leave my country bahrain to live in usa and i like to work with ophra coze im very cleaver person but no body give me a chance and every body tell me that im beautiful but i dont why i fell that im ugly.