All the Sad Old Mitigated Men

Following his triumphant New York City society debut in the Observer, comedic actor turned punchline Steve Guttenberg received more attention than he had in years. A reality show was offered, he was honored at the Fire Island Film Festival and he even received an e-mail from a woman requesting to be his 601st romantic conquest. Surprisingly, The Goot wasn't angry about the article's undercurrent of mockery. Is he angry in general? Yes, but not about the article, as he explains in a newer, greater article:

???Sure. Am I a human???? he said. ???Welcome to the real world. So you think everyone on TV is all happy, happy? So let me ask you a question: When you watch The Price is Right, you think Vanna???s in a good mood every day???? (Editor???s note: Vanna White actually appeared on Wheel of Fortune.) ???Talk to people who have to go and fill the gas tank and then talk to their mom when she calls. Talk to some of the greatest artists of our time and see that they???ve got real desires and real needs???and sure, they???re full of angst and human emotions like envy and anxiety and certain neuroses. Look in the yellow pages under ???psychologists???; see if there???s anything listed there. Damn right, I???m a little pissed off. I???m pissed off that John Belushi and River Phoenix were killed by Hollywood. I???m pissed off about all those young people getting off that bus right now and going after all those parts and how they???re going to be used and abused and thrown around and wound up. ??? Look at that line of people trying out for American Idol. That was me! I know what happened to those guys. I???m on the eighth floor. I want to be on the 20th floor. But on the other side of that, I wake up on the eighth floor and I go, ???I???m happy I???m on the eighth floor. How many guys get to be on the eighth floor???????

Not many, The Goot. Not many.

Jul 31, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 8 Responses
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  • Comments (8)

    No. 1 mirsada says:

    Somewhere in there was a good point, too bad the stupidity overpowered it.

    Posted: Jul 31, 2008 at 12:30 pm
    No. 2 bedbugsandballyhoo says:

    I got more out of those last six words than I did from The Goot's entire diatribe.

    Posted: Jul 31, 2008 at 12:48 pm
    No. 3 stopthemadness says:

    Ah yes, they were killed by Hollywood. And much like Nicole Richie, Hollywood only spent 82 minutes in jail.

    Posted: Jul 31, 2008 at 2:12 pm
    No. 4 killorn says:

    Get this guy a blog, and fast.

    Posted: Jul 31, 2008 at 2:34 pm
    No. 5 payter says:

    Last post about the Goot I said I thought he seemed really happy and well liked on Dancing with the Stars. Now I am thinking the constant smiling might be because he is a little off his rocker. What did I just read??

    Posted: Jul 31, 2008 at 2:54 pm
    No. 6 mae says:

    Cord, its spelled GUTE, thank you very much!

    Posted: Jul 31, 2008 at 3:20 pm
    No. 7 ilnazhad says:

    Actually, it's THE GUTTE. Get it right. This man deserves respect to the utmost degree.

    Seriously… I think it's "the Goot," too…

    Holy cock. This cracked me up: Books– "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" got me through some really dark times.

    Posted: Jul 31, 2008 at 4:08 pm
    No. 8 payter says:

    Funny Ilnaz!
    I love his line about always wanting to tap Bernadette Peters ass.

    Posted: Jul 31, 2008 at 5:20 pm
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