i like to pop other people's blackheads.

I am still trying to leave my bf who is no good and he is just not taking the hint. Like "This relationship is over" hint. I'm already hanging out with other guys….

i'm a grown man and still afraid of my sister's old Baby Skates doll
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....re=related

I crave change but am afraid of it. I want to move somewhere new but when the time comes close I get scared that I will be making the wrong decision.

I spend way too much money on clothes. It's disgusting - I need help. I can't through a mall without buying a 17th pair of black pumps, or the 100th white t-shirt.

I once has a three-way serious make out session with two sixteen year olds…and I was twenty one.

i spend 5% of my workday working, and the other 95% surfing the web.
but i'm really good at making it seem like i'm doing vital things for the company, so i've gotten away with it… so far.
i also spend a good portion of the day masturbating in the bathroom, sneaking off for smoke breaks, or staring at the wall.
maybe i should think about a career change?

I have never, ever had an orgasm in the presence of another human being. I'll be 30 next year.

Ha! E-moo, you're not alone on the web surfing. I manage to get everything done that needs getting done, but I probably spend 80% of my time reading celebrity gossip or playing Scrabulous on facebook. I've gotten really good at Scrabble…

i have to pee.

AA, I LOVE Scrabulous on facebook. Thats not really a secret, but I wanted to share that with you.

And Candienne, I also have a serious shopping problem. Then I get overwhelmed by the debt and engage in retail therapy- its a vicious and dangerous cycle. I'm determined to break the habit.

satines, i am really sorry.

i am unrreasonably terrified of teddy ruxbin and furbies, the outdated children's toys.

when my friend with low esteem snarls at me for being "young and cute," and says that i have no problems in life, i get extra dolled up and start talking about new bands just to piss her off. i realize that it's not helpful in the least, but it's my silent way of saying "fuck you."

I.m just going through the motions with my husband, for the sake of our children.

I broke up with my then boyfriend because I walked in on him with another women and found out a week later I was pregnant with his child. We decided to try and work things out for the kid but he continued to drink heavily. One night he got so intoxicated he threw me down a flight of stairs. I ended up having a miscarriage but didn't tell him about it. Instead, I told him that I didn't want to have a child with someone who was physically and emotionally abusive so I was having an abortion and he was going to pay for it regardless of what he thought. He gave me the $400 and I spent it on new stuff for my unborn niece. And a new pair of shoes for myself. It didn't take away the pain of losing my unborn child, but it made me feel better knowing that the chode got what he deserved.

I had a sexy times dream about Gordon Ramsey the other night.

I made out with a boy while on vacation on the opposite coast. It was not my boyfriend and I'm never going to tell him.

Whenever I see a pregnant woman I must supress the urge to punch her in the belly.

I am in love with a gay cowboy who looks eerily like Jake Gylllhaaalllll…I just can't seem to quit him ;-)

kittenpaw that was awesome.

satines…i'm gonna go with, that should be THEIR shameful secret, not yours. ;)

I deeply resent happy people.

I've been known to forgo the snot-sucker bulb when my kids were infants and just suck it out myself. Suck and spit.

I have a problem with alcohol and know I should do something about it….but I don't want to. I was so drunk the other night I peed in bed while I was sleeping…this has only happened like 3 times in my life though. Ok, 6.

Oh Kitchy that is truly dedication.

i won't shit in anybody's bathroom but my own.

I lust after a gorgeous red headed Welsh woman with whom I work.

It really pisses me off when I see a male-to-female transexual who is more attractive than me, a female since conception.

What AA said in comment number 4.

I've spent the last few years sleepwalking through my life. My friends know I'm bisexual, but not my family, they would never forgive me.

kitchy, your pinkie also works well for the visable boogs.
On a related note, I also like cleaning my sons ears - I am always kind of disappointed if there isn't any wax.

I'm afraid I'd ask my wife to abort a baby we knew would be born retarded.

when i get upset i bite my nails until my fingers bleed.

sorry kitchy - that should have read payter. I apparently need a nap - although that isn't really a secret.

When I get upset I pop a rubberband on my wrist until it leave welts.

I'm totally incapable of deciding what I want to do with my life.

Awww, keebler. My first boyfriend has still not come out to anybody, including himself. But he still dates women and continues to have sex with guys. Just don't tell Perez because he'll go and tell everyone.

I get enjoyment out of popping zits and blackheads whether they be mine or someone elses.

I think at leaast a third of my close friends have drinking problems, but I'll never say a thing to any one of them.

Crumb I'm sorry to hear about your pain.

janice- i feel like i am too. the best thing is to take things day by day and bit by bit- you can't solve all your problems or make all your decisions ar once. but never stop thinking and challenging yourself :) good luck!

My mom is crazy…she just doesn't know it, yet!

Thanks e-moo. That's what I'm trying to do… I just have some huge decisions I have to make within the next year, and I'm so afraid of the day I can't postpone them anymore. It's funny cause people think I'm so driven, but in reality, I'm so stalled in the present. I guess this happens to a lot of people at some point in their lives, glad to hear you can relate.

I have zero motivation to do anything with my life. I'm not smart enough for university, driven enough to devote my life to a career, and not hot enough to be a trophy wife.

My mother has a drug and alcohol problem but I will never confront her about it.

Janice, are you in your 20s or older? I felt the same way from post-college til about 28…started feeling a lot more confident and ok with myself around that time.

Thank you Chelsea. That's really nice of you to say.
It's weird…I do feel better having told people about what really happened. No one in my life even knows the real story because if word got back to my family they would kill the SOB. And I kind of feel like a scumbag for making him give me money.

Thanks, B.A. Not that you were talking to me, but I am in my early/mid twenties and I am so restless and want the entire world now. Good to know I am not alone in my crazies and that things should settle in a few years.

My friends all come to me with their problems (boyfriends,families, work etc.), but I really just want to punch them all in their faces, because I know that they won't ever return the kindness.

That, and it's not cool to bitch to the 33-year old chubby girl who hasn't even been on a date in 3 years about how much your life sucks because your totally charming, intelligent, attractive, attentive, employed boyfriend left the effing toilet seat up the other day.

Definitely - good encouragement BeA.

Oh, and Crumb, you have nothing to feel bad about. Any guy who would raise his hand to a woman, especially a pregnant woman, deserves whatever he has coming to him. If you ask me (which you didn't), you let him off easy. I would have made him give me the money, then I would have used the money to hire someone to beat the snot out of him.

I've been out of work for 9 months. If I don't get a job soon I wont have enough money to pay rent. I suffer from major bouts of depression but don't take only meds because I don't have insurance. Everyday is a struggle to get up and do something to get a job. Most of the time I just sit in front of the computer and wait for the sun to go down. I am completely lost in my life and don't know what to do. The only thing that has kept me from killing myself is that I believe I will go to Hell. No matter how bad it gets I can never do it, it's not even an option for me, but I still think about it.

Sorry to be a downer, but I don't have anyone else to tell.

Crumb he got off cheap and easy

Lost - I totally know what you're going through. I was without a job for about 7 months last year and it's so hard to find employment! And you're right, it is super depressing. You start to think that you're not good enough because no one will hire you. And you know you need help but you can't see a dr. or get meds for it because you don't have a job with insurance or the money to pay for it out-right. But have faith…something WILL come along eventually. Have you thought about just getting a job at McD's until you can find something better? That will at least pay the bills for a little while. I know it's not something any of us ever really want to do but sometimes you've just got to bite the bullet and lower your standards for employment. I shit you not, I took a job at Wendy's just to pay the bills and literally 2 weeks later I went to an interview for an Office Manager position and was given the job on the spot.
It's not a good thing that you think about suicide as your only way out, but it IS a good thing that you won't do it. Even if that's the only reason you won't do it, it's still a reason and that's a good sign.
Keep your head up, something will come along. If you don't mind me asking, where are you located?

Before I die, I'd like to beat someone up in a fistfight in front of a lot of people.

I think that developing cycles is relatively easy. You probably had one, Lost, when you were working. Now it is very easy to sit at home in the cycle you are currently in and wish that it were different. I know that you know change is needed, otherwise you wouldn't be posting, so the first step is to find a job. Even if at first it is a menial job… do something to get some sort of paycheck and then you can start looking for something that makes you happy AND pays the rent. But it's not gonna happen staring at the computer screen, you have to make it happen and you have to want it. There you go - validation. Something we are ALL looking for here.

I'm still in love with my ex, even though he cheated on me numerous times and I know he's a douchebag.

Chelsea- For a little while at least. Then about 8 months after all this happened he got stupidly intoxicated and got into a fight with his girlfriend on his cell phone. He then threw the phone on top of a 3-story building. Later when he was even more plastered, he went up to get it. He thought it would be a fantastic idea to jump from the building to a tree and climb down that way. Well, he missed the tree and hit the ground…HARD. He's now paralized from the waist down. I never truly believed in karma until I heard what happened to him.
It doesn't take away the pain, but I feel better knowing he got what was coming to him.

I'm too often bored with life, think too highly of myself, smoke when my wife's away, masturbate in the shower, and have to have at least one glass of wine before our small group bible study.

I am 25 yrs old and raising the daughter of my husband who died from cancer after 1 yr of marriage. Since her mother is dead, I am all she has, and I am soooo freaked out all the time that I am going to screw this up.

Lost I'm sorry for the tough spot you're in right now…I've been there too. You're in my thoughts and I hope things improve for you soon.

The meds- have you considered a low-cost clinic, I had to get Prozac from one for about a year when I was off insurance…they have sliding payment scales etc. Good luck.

eeep, meant to change my name!! well, now the internet knows.

I want to run through a posh restaurant screaming Soylent Green is people!!!

LOST one of the hardes things to do when one is depress is to force your self to get up and out of the house you have to change your routine no matter how small.I can relate to your problem.I know it's hard but change what you do every day never the same thing two days in a row.
for a job try telemarketing , there no face to face and they are always short of workers

whatev-It's natural to feel that way even when the child IS your own. Just think about how she would have turned out had you not been there to raise her. She could have been put up for adoption and bounced from home to home for years to come. She's a lucky little girl to have you.

I'm sorry for all you've been through.

Whatev…your fears are so unselfish. A lot of people would be worried only about how THEIR lives would be affected. I'm so proud of you!

oh, there are plenty of selfish fears as well.

I slept with my sisters boyfriend when they had broken up for a brief second before he went to the army………. I am horrible!!!!!!!

I have a picking problem. It is so gross. I don't pick my nose. I pick at the skin on my feet and the dry skin on my scalp. I can't help it…

whatev I sure it will work out for the best I wish you the best of luck

The only thing you can do whatev is love her and try your best. I'm sure everything will work out in the end. The fact that she isn't your daughter and you are taking care of her says a lot about your character to me. :)

Just don't let her snort the crack or huff roofies and I'm sure you two will be fine.

I also have no idea what to do with my life. I am 26, have 2 jobs, in a relationship that is going nowhere (I would never marry him) and I am scared to go back to school, even though that is what I really want to do. I can't even afford to drive back home (1200 miles) because gas is so high. I feel stuck…

whatev- I have to leave because I have an appointment, but, Whatev, taking that girl in was so laudable. And she's is your daughter now and the fact that you worry about her and care so much about the way you raise her shows that you are a terrific mother. Seriously. Be proud of that.

Pixie, I do the same thing. I pick scabs, my scalp, anything pickable, but not my nose. I especially have a problem picking the loose skin from the tips of my fingers and around my nails. I do it all day every day, I can't stop. I think it's a form of OCD.

I'm secretly starting to hate my future sister-in-law, who piously e-mailed me to tell me that my fiance and I shouldn't register. After all, it wouldn't be "right" since we already live together.

I secretly think that wedding planning is a rip-off BS industry, and were it not for my longing for the actual sacrament within the Church, I'd elope to Italy and spend the 20K we're applying towards our New Orleans wedding bash on a great honeymoon instead. Unfortunately, the man wants the big wedding.

I'm secretly resentful that everyone has an opinion about how you should plan your wedding, and 90% of them have no problem telling you what you should and shouldn't do.

I'm incredibly pissed that people keep inviting other people to our wedding…like when my fiance's parents scheduled a family reunion the week of our wedding (surprise! 30 more unexpected guests! That's only $2000 more!), or when his brother's wife called us to inform us that she's bringing her parents and siblings to our wedding, because they'd never been to NOLA before. Seriously?!

In conclusion, elope.

Now mollygooders know more about me than my coworkers… you know, my coworkers who are doing work instead of posting on mollygood…

But you are all so sweet. I don't think I knew how much I might have needed to hear all of that.

Cait, opinions are like ass holes: Everybody's got one. Never is that more painfully obvious than when you are trying to plan a wedding.

I also pick my cuticles until they bleed. My thumbs are permanently red from years of abuse.

I secretly dislike my sister-in-law, too. She's a pothead who talks about meeting "kind" friends and shit. I hate it.

Cheeko, go back to school! You can do it! I thought I couldn't but I finally finished in December and it was way, way easier than I thought it would be. Write that initial email to your academic advisor and you'll feel much better.

I do the same thing Stoney. I wish I could stop, sometimes I find myself doing it without realizing it.

Keebler and Stoney, I do the same. I bite my nails and pick at my cuticles. I have little kid hands with fugly short nails. :)

And Cheeko, definitely go back to school. My brother found himself in his late 20's with a loveless marriage, 2 kids to support and no degree. He worked two full-time jobs to support his family, and managed to finish his bachelor's.

He graduated a semester before I did (we're ten years apart in age), and I was SO proud of him.

Many thanks for you kind words, it really helped :)

I put off 6 hours left in my degree for FOUR YEARS because I was afraid and ashamed of myself. Finally I just said FUCK IT and marched my stupid 28-year-old ass back to campus for my last semester. People I hadn't talked to in YEARS were congratulating me. My family nearly died of shock. It was awesome.

Cait I can somewhat relate, except I hate my real sister instead of inlaw. I told my sister that I was planning on getting engaged/married without a fancy ring and she promptly told me that it was dumb and I was settling, even though I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. I think the whole dog and pony show of a traditional wedding is a waste of money and ever since I was young I have wanted to elope.

i can't stop thinking about my husband's co-worker–who i've never met, i've only heard about how awesome he is and hoping that my single sis in law that just met up with him last night in new york didn't sleep with him!! what is wrong with me????

Silent, his brother's wife is almost worse - when we called them to tell them we were engaged, she decided that she HAD to tell us she was two weeks pregnant.

Two weeks. Yep. There's nothing like a little stolen thunder to improve one's outlook on humanity…

i pick my nose and my ears. the goo drives me crazy

Nice job Stoney :-) Life is too short to be miserable…I have finally realized that things could be so much worse in life…I have a wonderful boyfriend/best friend, family, a good job…
None of us are homeless, dying, alone, or living in horrible places. You must be thankful for what you have and continually strive to improve yourself and the lives of those around you- easier said than done though. Sometimes the days we face are challenge enough.

Sigh, BeA. You're right, I know…I'm just being petty and overly sensitive. :(

My boss always tells me the intimate details of her relationship with a married man, and I'm tempted to try to contact his wife.

I am going home to London to visit my family today. I am to meet up with my ex to say hello. My bf is also there visiting his brother (and i didn't exactly let him know that I want and am going to meet up with my ex). I love my bf but am secretly afraid that feelings i thought i no longer had for my ex might present themself (it's been almost 3 years since we split)…we were so close and his fam was like my fam. :o(

I am a nose picker and an ear picker too! can't help it. At first I was ashamed when my bf caught me picking my nose! LOL. but fuck it i said! Now, i can't stop. LOL. So thanks for all the pickers on here for making me feel good about myself…oh it was funny I went out to lunch today and without thinking found my finger digging around in my ears, then i caught some kid staring at me (maybe's cause I'm hot. LOL) and tried to play it off by staring him directly in the eyes and finishing my grooming…

Despite being a near total loser I have accomplished the impossible dream of having sex with a real, attractive, mostly sane woman while nearly a thousand action figures watched.

Yes, that includes Spider Man, Optimus Prime and Batman.

I watched passions on nbc and was disappointed when it went off the air.

To all the Pickers: It is nice to know I am not alone, although I am pretty sure it is some form of compulsive disorder. Going back to school is a hard choice, but a brave one, if you can make it work, you should.
Theresa Crane: I liked Passions too. I cried actual tears when Timmy the Doll died,and I had the biggest crush on Luis, and even Miguel before I realized what a toolbag Jesse Metcalf is. I was a little disturbed by Julian impregnating his transgendered secret son, though. That may have gone too far!

When I was eleven and my brother was thirteen we used to fool around experimentally. It sickens me to this day to think about it, but supposedly it's rather normal. Or maybe I'm just telling myself that.

That must be a terrible secret to live with. My best friend (who is also female, and is 4 years older than me) and I used to fool around for years when we were kids. I know that it is different because he is your brother, but children doing this stuff is 100% normal.

Reege, never fear. My fiance has Opti-mash Prime and Artoo Potatoo in our office.

I totally think Helen should record the boss's conversations and send them to the wife with a large bottle of Vodka.

…and a taser.

anon- It is normal, actually. But only among really young children. You two were 11 and 13 (your brother should have known this is wrong), which is old for that kind of behaviour. The PARENTS are supposed to make sure this does not happen. Don't worry about it, though, it doesn't say anything negative about your character. You've grown!

…and then ask for a big raise

Oh I messed around with friends when I was young too, it's totally normal. A little creepy and embarrassing, but normal. I wouldn't lie awake at night worrying about it.

It's not normal when you are 13 and you are doing it with your sister.
But, a curiosity in children (not people who are 13) is totally normal and there is nothing to worry about.

Yeah 13 might be pushing it…what it that, like 8th grade? By then I was making out with boys behind the portables.

I have a boyfriend. We're moving in together soon, and my stomach gets all…knotted thinking about it. I also tell him every day that I want to marry him, and I know he's good for me, and funny, and nice, and good looking, and everything every chick wants….but I'm still not sure.

This is the first time I've written this out, and I would NEVER say this out loud. It's really weird to read…

Two weeks we were all hanging out at my friends pool. Much beer and yummy foods were enjoyed. We stayed up late listening to music and having some more cerveza. Sitting in the hot tub out of the blue she kissed me with tongue.

I just carried on the conversation because I wasn't sure what you do when your best friend french kisses you. My husband called shorty after so I went home and haven't spoken about it since. We still talk and see each other nearly every day. She lives just behind me. Life in the suburbs.

Ooops, 2 weeks ago.

meee, I'm no expert, so if you want proffesional advice, see a psychiatrist. But I hear the same thing from a lot of older friends who are getting married or moving in. Cohabitation is very different from getting married. Just move in and see how it works out. But only if it feels right for you. Whatever feels right for you.

Whoa juju that is pretty freaky…is she hot?

Um I've been on the other end of that situation, let me say I wish the other person had brought it up, cause things just remained awkward between us. Now we don't even talk anymore.

I still hate my ex-best friend for ditching me, though I want to forgive and move on.

She is pretty hot. It hasn't been awkward at all. I was just hanging out at her house last night. I've kissed a couple of girls so wasn't weirded out or anything. I just figure it was one of those things.

I reread and should mention everyone else had left. I didn't mean she kissed me in front of everyone. That might have been awkward.

That is good then…I tried to apologize a couple times to my friend and she got all embarrassed. Just my crazy drunk self being crazy

I was raised in Christan schools. Sex was the way most of us rebelled. I've had sex in a church and a grave yard. When I was 15 I had sex with my girlfriend in a pool surrounded by our friends and within splashing distance of her mother, her back was to us. I've had group sex with 6 other people. JuJu's hot tub comment sparked a pleasant memory. I have been described as a deviant and I'm ok with that.

Ahhh, church sex and bake sales. Good times, good times. Meeeemories. Like the corner of my mind. I was raised Catholic.

When I was in kindergarten, I was raped by a young teenage female. She had sex with me anally with a carrot and she beat me unconscious after she had sex with me. She bit my vagina and I still have a scar (and I'm scared it will be awkward to mention this to someone I sleep with). I was really scared because I thought it was my fault and that I was no longer a virgin. I became preoccupied with building physical strength so I could be strong (enough to fight someone off the next time. Despite this, I got raped by a group of men who knocked me unconscious and I didn't see what they look like at all. All I know, is that they only had sex with me anally again because my anus hurt and my vagina was not stretched or anything. I was in a Muslim country and I did not even really have any information on the group. They were masked and I only saw them for a second.
I've never told anyone, not even my psychiatrist because I don't want to make others feel uncomfortable with the details.
But the fact that I never told anyone has made me really frustrated and confused. The other day, I saw a documentary on kids who had sexual relations with their teachers. And I was like "they consented! at 16 I would not consent! they were irresponsible, too!"
(Of course, then I was like, "you are such an ass! they are still victim! shut up!")

I have a BMI of 18.6 and I hate hate hate how fat I am. I've tried bulimia but couldn't get myself to puke.

I also despise my sister and am miserable whenever she comes home from university. I'm older but I feel inadequate, less attractive, less intelligent and less interesting. I've tried for years to be intentionally unattractive so people won't figure out that I actually am. I suppose the (attempted) starvation is a part of that.

Oh and I was a virgin until the age of 20, when I slept with some random guy because I was so sick of 'being left out of the loop'. I don't reeeally regret it either. Embarrassed, like I am about much of the sex I have, but not really regretful.

And I actually secretly thought (until the age of around 17/18) that 'sex' was a big conspiracy, made up and maintained by the whole world for some inexplicable reason. All the sex on television/movies/porn etc. was a part of this conspiracy. Just the idea of actually needing sex and pumping, excreting things onto each other seemed just too insane and horrible to be true.

I should probably see a therapist about all this.

Iwish- I don't even know what to say to your story, except that what the young female teen did to you is NOT normal. She might have done the same to other children…

Keeblerkhan, do you and your sexual deviancy live anywhere near the DC Metro Area? If so, I think we may have met.

I think sex is really degrading and gross and I could live w/o it.

blah!- BMI is stupid. Even if you are overweight, you should only be concerned because of the negative health effects. I totally understand, though. I used to be overweight and when I was in elemtary school I was chubby. Not a big deal, right? Well, it shouldn't be. My mom used to throw hot tea at me because my weight was "disgracing her" and my father said he was embarrassed to be seen with me. I was not morbidly obese, I was just fat. My family would taunt me so often (each day), that I thought I wanted to kill myself. Before I would overdose, I would get anxious. Because I would remember that they would undress my corpse. AND SEE HOW FAT I AM. I'm skinny now and I didn't want to be for so long because I didn't want to be a traitor. I'm a vegan and I'm highly prone to diabetes (so I limit my sugar intake), so my diet is so limited being fat is fucking impractical. I would get teased for being fat, but I would never cry or anything. But it obviously did hurt me. And people kept saying things like "you are 8 kilos away from being the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Well, you are 8 kilos away from still being the biggest ass of all time.

blarg- Really? Why, my sweet?
I know I get really grossed out by people who sleep around a lot, so I sort of relate. But sex is one of the best things in life. Why do you think it is degrading?

And DO NOT turn to bulimia. There is nothing wrong with your looks. You are clearly too hard on yourself.

^@ blah!

uhhhhh…a BMI of 18 is perfect. Not fat.

blah!- Wait a minute… BA is right… a BMI of 18 actually means you are underweight by a little. You do not need to lose weight AT ALL.

Sorry Helen, I'm more of a Michigan boy.

Yes, that's considered underweight. But the lame charts are always ridonculous. The bmi scale say's I can be some crazy weight like 97 and still not be underweight. I would look like skeletor at that weight. And I'd still have a big ass, figures. Some sadist created those charts.

Hey all, it's not that bad. My siblings and I are super close. It really was a curiosity thing for me, but it's still something that just makes me sad to think about. I know that it's not "normal" but I spent a long time thinking it was just me. It could have been worse, as it was all consensual. I think it happened later because my mother was ill growing up and we were all socially and emotionally stunted in a lot of ways.

I can totally function normally, but have never been in a romantic relationship. I don't think my childhood issues have anything to do with that when I have plenty of other trust issues, but I'm sort of concerned about when I do meet someone, how it might affect me. Knowing it happens to others is helpful though.

My BMI is well over 30 and I often think I'm the most beautiful girl wherever I am. Period.

It also drives me insane to hear women hate themselves. I'll give them advice, but I secretly want to shake them like a nanny shakes a baby.

SS….I am with you. I have my ugly days but DAMN! I have my hot days too ;-)

..and my BMI is much closer to 30 than 18, as well FYI…

Be Ad, (sorry for the late response!) I'm 24… it's funny how everyone who mentioned they were feeling this way is in the age range you mentioned. So, at least I know that feeling totally lost in my life is normal at this point.

Iwishiwasavirgin, what happened to you was definitely so wrong, and none of it is your fault at all. If you're feeling frustrated because you've never told anyone, then talking about it today has been a very important first step. It's so much easier to tell people things when you can be anonymous, and it often really helps to just speak the words and get it out. Have you thought about calling a crisis line? That way you don't need to worry about making people uncomfortable. They are there to hear any details you want to share, and you don't have to deal with them being part of your everyday life. All that to say, even though it's hard, don't be frustrated with yourself for not telling. It can be incredibly hard. Things will happen in their own time, when you are ready.

SS- I understand. Now that I am 17 I'm no longer that self-conscious. It was just in my pre-teens and early teens.

I actually would not describe myself as self-conscious anymore. At all.

My husband is addicted to gambling and is squandering the money we make from both of our 6 figure jobs.

ilnazhad, I would never have pegged you at just 17. You write much more maturely and I just always expect the regulars around here to at least be in theri 20's. LOL.

I was never really self-concious to that level, it was more that I was so awkward as a pre-teen. Then one day I woke and realized how beautiful I was and that there are far more important things in life then worrying about what you weigh.

It's the most empowering feeling to think you're beautiful. It really changes how you carry yourself and act. Good times =)

ilnazhad, I just went back and read your post the whole way through. That's terrible what your family did! No wonder you had self esteem issues.

One of my best friends has a mother who used to condone her about her weight and would say "Don't you want to be beautiful?" I still just want to shake her sometimes, because it's constant and while I know that is something that lives with you your whole life, I just want her to see what everyone else sees.

I am very heavy and tall. I would not consider myself obese though, just fat. I'm actually in incredible shape under all the flub, and rowed competitively for four years in high school. My weight is so high due to my muscle mass, but I also have the biggest ass I've ever seen…LOL I work out 4 or so times a week and eat well. Stupid genetics.

And I thought all the regulars here would be under 20! I didn't know adults would fool around on a gossip site. It's kind of a nice feeling. Until they talk about how they have sex when they are fifty when I thought my parents could not possibly be having sex because they are fifty. Let's move on…
I'm glad you feel good about yourself, SS!

SS, you sound like you have a really healthy lifestyle. That's all you're supposed to strive for.

I'm afraid of pool lights and drains, and I have been since I was about 5. Everyone said I'd get over it, but I guess I didn't since I'm now 27. :P

I have always been afraid of the deep end of pools ever since my sister convinced me that they kept sharks in a cage in the wall and would let them out when bad kids swam. Obviously a ridiculous fear but I still don't like going in the deep end. I'm glad someone else has a random pool fear!

So. I wasn't going to post a comment. Because as you all know, I tend to be an "oversharer".

I can't help it, but it can be very painful for the observers.

I have no secrets.

I have learned some really valuable lessons through out life that are like gold to me.

Ok, Gold isn't as pricy as Gas. I have learned some valuable lessons in life that cost as much as gas.

1. Patience -Life will teach you patience, even if you don't want to learn.

2. Live and let live. This one is crucial.

If you can get to a place where you can look that other human in the eye in that moment that you are in contact, and realize that they were once a child with hopes and dreams.

They also got some of their feelings stomped on like pretty spring flowers and some messed up individual came along and destroyed that rising, promising beauty for a laugh.

But, just like you, they rose above it and renewed again, as best they could.
This is really one of the keys to happiness.

3. Keep your sense of humor.

Some day, I'll be long gone, but you will remember these things.

I am remembering right now.
These are things that some old folks told me a long time ago. They weren't so out of touch after all.

It all boils down so simply. Love often, live simply, and laugh and enjoy good beer.

Peace.

Janice- yeah I can't explain why it happened…but while I freaked about turning 30 this year, I was kind of happy too.
Overall I think your 20s are kind of unfair, and difficult for a whole new set of reasons, that you didn't have as a teen. You're not a kid anymore- you can vote and drink and smoke and all the fun stuff- but nobody takes you seriously yet; but you're supposed to have a stable, exciting, high-paying CAREER, straight out of college (and know exactly what you want to be when you grow up)…and lots of kids are faced with looming college debt and/or responsibilities I couldn't even fathom at that age.
While you may not figure out what you totally want to do or be by 30, you will probably have a better idea of what you DON'T want to do or be, by that time as well.
Just be thankful for what you got, do the best you can, and hang in there…to Frankenstein a couple of my favorite phrases- this too shall pass and make you stronger :-)

Me - are you sure you are not some future version of my daughter? She is 5 and we have crazy times at the pool as she freaks out about the drains and worrys toys will go into them and get stuck. I am hoping she gets over it… she flips out!

Me - are you sure you are not some future version of my daughter? She is 5 and we have crazy times at the pool as she freaks out about the drains and worrys toys will go into them and get stuck. I am hoping she gets over it… she flips out!

Oops. Got a little impatient…

SeriousStyle, in your photo, you look healthy and very beautiful.

Lost-
I hope that you are still reading this.
I was in a severe depression two years ago and I attempted suicide…and I lived, through some luck.
I didn't have the courage to tell anyone at the time other than my partner, who was NOT supportive (but is now). So I was ALONE. However, I dragged myself out of my major depression (which I have been dealing with since I was 8) with the help of a really good therapist. I went broke to obtain the level of treatment that I did (NO meds, btw, just supplements with a naturopath) but I will NEVER regret a single penny. It was WORTH it. I am still in therapy and while I won't be in therapy forever, I will be for a bit longer. And I am ok with that and my life….and I NEVER thought I would think this way. :)

Just wait until you turn 150. That's all I'm saying.

You see a LOT.

On the bad side, you see some good hearted friends pass. You see some messed up things happen in life.

You also get to see some very exhilarating worthwile things happen.

You see the same political things being replayed time and time again. With a new twist, but you know what is going to be the result, most likely.

This is where the phrase "nothing new under the sun" comes to your mind.

"Life goes on." This phrase drove me crazy as a youngster, trying to make some meaning out of it all.

Now, for me, it is a comforting phrase.

Human Beings are arguably one of the most beautiful things that God created.

(I am looking at a very moving sunset at this
moment.)

QC
You are reminding me of my husband. He too gets all deep when he is drinking a few beers :)

Thinking about outer space gives me anxiety. I wish I was kidding. The fact that we are so tiny and there is SO MUCH MORE than just us stresses me out.

You know payter, I am about to fall right asleep too.

Does he do that?

That is the only downside to a swim-up bar that I can see so far. After a few beers, I fall right asleep. :-)

I still think that humans are wonderfull, even if some of them get mad at me in traffic.

No, damnit my hubby doesn't fall asleep after his drinks. I should also mention he doesn't quite get deep in the same way you do QC. While he does tend to get deep in a kind way about our family, he also tends to go on about the bad things going on in this world (and to him - poor baby) and it never comes out sound quite as positive or happy as you! :) This is the same man mind you who, in a deep moment, related getting kicked in the balls to giving birth.

So my secret is… sometimes I find my husband really annoying.

i'm a gay man and all i drive myself crazy with anxiety and depression because i hate my (relatively normal size) penis. in the world of gay men, i feel totally inadequate and undesirable having only 6 inches. i know this shouldn't ruin my life, but sometimes it does.

theresa- i miss passions now too cause now we're out of a job.

i still wear no shirt to do simple tasks like changing light bulbs or doing taxes. for the memories.

Lets all sing Bridge Over Troubled Waters.

I'll get it started.

(Simon and Garfunkel Your parents listened to this early 70s. )

When your weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all.

I'm on your side, when times get rough.
And friends just can't be found.

Like a bridge over trouble water, I will lay me down.

When you are on the street, and evening falls so hard, I will comfort you. I'll take your part.

Your time has come to shine, your dreams are on their way. See how they shine?

I'll be sailing right behind.

I stay with my husband only because I am afraid of traumatizing our son. We discovered I was pregnant a month after we started dating, and married shortly after our son was born. At the time, I felt like getting married was the best thing for our son. Eight years later, and I hate living with my husband. People tell me what a nice guy he is, but I think he's a fat slob who spends too much money on gadgets and MLMs, and plays video games constantly. His teenage son was recently dumped on us by the ex, and I really dislike him. I feel trapped, and want out but can't seem to get moving. I created these problems, made the wrong choices. I am so wacked.

Some one should really remake Bridge Over Trouble Water. It has always brought tears to my eyes. And goosebumps.

Maroon 5, or I don't even know who could redo it.

It should get redone.

They will never be another Simon and Garfunkel. But whoever we get to do it, that is what is part of the fun. What will the new person bring in?

Wait, are you the first (hotter) Ethan Crane, or the second Ethan????

I'm still reading LOSTMYWAY, tank you for sharing your story. I feel so much better for finely having told someone the thing I've kept secret from the people around me.

Thank you to everyone who commented on what I said. It really did help. Don't worry about me, things are hard right now but I know they will get better.

Passions is still on television. I'm not sure on which channel but, according to soaps.com, this is what's happening this week (As cracked-out as these following sentences appear, I pinkie swear they're not made up) :

-Tabitha searches for her invisible daughter.
-Gwen shuts her mother up with a punch.
-A locked up Theresa accidentally opens up the gas valve. Could this be her doom?
-Vincent and Viki's mushroom sauce kills.
-Julian's penis can't be fixed.

I had a fwb for a year and I was too afraid to tell him that I love him. Now he's moved away. Meanwhile, I have started an affair with a co-worker who has a girlfriend and I would be completely in love with him by now if it wasn't for the fact that I think he's a pussy for not growing some balls and telling his girlfriend that he doesn't love her anymore, which is what he's been complaining about to myself and everyone else that knows him for the past two years he's been with her. She's got a kid though, and he loves the kid. Now I may be pregnant with his kid.

To ilnazhad - thanks for your response, it's nice knowing that someone hears your confession.

And I suppose I know I'm not overweight, but honestly, I think that the skinnier you are, the better you look. I think it has something to do with self-control being preferable to laziness and gluttony, but one could argue that anorexics have the least amount of control over themselves, at least in terms of their mental health.

And I do know that the contempt I have for myself spills over into my opinion of other people. I despise and have little pity for fat people and even 'normal weight' people. I know that these people are the most attractive to men, but I couldn't care less about that. I'd much rather be androgynous than voluptuous, as the latter just looks sloppy to me.

Again, I know I should see a therapist about this because it's a ridiculous way to think. I will never look like a runway model, no matter how much I starve myself.

I swear I don't watch Passions, but I think I am correct in saying the show is still on Directtv. Sorry Ethan and Theresa - did you not get the memo?
I only watch classy soaps like General Hospital and As The World Turns. And somehow I also know what is going on if I turn on Y&R and Days.
I am a loser…

I think Passions is getting canceled from Direct TV soon, too…
I forgot to mention that although I make a good living, I am in so much debt that I am worried I won't be able to pay my bills soon. It keeps me up at night.

sometimes i think i hate some of my closest friends.

Yes, Passions is cancelled and I think runs till August. But I still read the daily recaps and I feel like I've seen it. I was wondering if Ethan (hopefully hot like original Ethan who was on scrubs) would like to come over and chop some wood, even though I have a gas fireplace. Also take my trash out and balance my checkbook without his shirt on. You know, for the memories and also because that shit needs to be done buy my husband insists on wearing his shirt.

Blah, I really understand what you're saying and in a way those feelings are like a drug and feed the fire. Anorexia is a double edge sword. The amount of control you need to deprive yourself of food is tremendous. To go against feeding yourself when your body is screaming for food. That is no easy feat.

The other side is you are controlled by that mindset like a never ending merry go round. It just doesn't stop and but that high you get from it all keeps you going. Like that runners high.

Putting yourself on that path means a lifetime of running in circles. I'll confess that I myself am back on that merry go round after a decade of being off of it. Due to stress of my fathers illnesses and crazy damn family. WTF? I'm a damn adult but old habits die hard. I recently dropped a buttload of weight. Ok, 15 pounds but I'm short so it makes a big diff and am teetering at 100. It's not good to get caught up in the cycle because it's hell to get out of.

I hate my cousin! He lives with us, and he keeps rambling on for hours abt his life and what menu item his friend ordered in the restaurant ELABORATELY when i frankly don't give a shit! I can't tell him right in his face, so I pretend to be busy with something. But he never gets the message!

Also, I'm majorly passive-agressive. I am so passive aggressive that I'm using my common username hoping that my cousin finds this comment somehow!

Pixie, I think most of America is with you on that one.

Juju - Yeah, I was thinking about that. I should be thankful I only have to worry about me and I don't have a family to support yet. Some people have it a lot worse, but it is disheartening.
On your topic, I am on the merry-go-round, but the other way, I compulsively eat when I am stressed. Major binges. And it is hard to control yourself when you are stressed, whether it is eating or not eating, as your case may be. The only thing is, if you get sick, you won't be able to be there for the people who are counting on you. If I have a bad day, eating wise, I try to course-correct the next day. I know that it is hard, no matter what when food isn't sustenance, but a mechanism for emotional control…
I hope things get better!

Thanks whatev =) It helps that the amazing Tim Gunn is in it with me…LOL

QC - I love what you wrote. I'm only 25, but I feel like I've learned so much during my short