Did you think business class was still the way to fly internationally? Well, dinosaur, you're wrong. I'm here to show you a new way to travel that makes flying first class look as comfortable as taking a rickshaw down a cobblestone street. The next time you travel, be sure to ask your airline about "matronly lady class," the newest way to fly. Here's Kirsten Dunst giving it a try!

With matronly lady class, all you do is make a phone call and, in seconds, a cute woman slightly resembling Mrs. Garrett from The Facts of Life will be with you curbside, helping you pack up your checked baggage just as tight as the bun in her flaxen hair.

Next, she'll listen attentively as you go on and on about your break-ups and new relationships and what a "stress case" you are.

She's even going to put her arm around you and shepherd you through the altogether daunting process of checking in at the e-ticket kiosk.

Once on the flight, your matronly lady will sit next to you and give you hard candies out of her vest pocket while soothing you with chestnuts like, "If they say that to you, they're not real friends." Later, she'll give you mashed potatoes and tell you that you look too skinny. How absolutely comfortable!