He Never Could Have Been a Contender

giveup

And here it is. Look closely, and for a long time. This, friends, is the face of utter resignation to vast wealth. This is the face of a man whose very existence hinges on an alcohol-infused routine so drab that it's difficult, nay, impossible to even expel a smile. To do so would not be physically taxing, but emotionally draining, as sifting through the negative feelings inside to find the fleck of golden happiness would be as futile as searching for an errant pebble in the Nile. And sure, it looks as if he can still muster the inclination to scrape an ivory handled razor over his expanding jowls, but such a surface attempt at decency makes his presence seem even more grotesque than it actually is. If you ever look in the mirror and see a face such as this staring back, check your pulse, and then immediately reevaluate your entire existence. There may be hope if you act soon enough.

For him, it's far too late. He will continue to chug, stumble and grope his way through life and into an early grave and, if we're lucky, along the way he'll serve as a reminder that when the nest is feathered too much, the bird will never learn to fly.

giveup2giveup3giveup4

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May 31, 2007 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 5 Responses
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  • Comments (5)

    No. 1 Be Adequite says:

    Cord Im going to disagree with your last para-
    I know several very financially well-off people, they are all very nice, well-balanced, happy individuals. Think this has more to do with knowing your own self-worth (and that it's not based on your checking acct balance or trust funds) and surrounding yourself with people who give a damn about you.
    But Brandon definitely should invest in some good strong oil-controlling face soap and shampoo. He's got the $ to do it!

    Posted: May 31, 2007 at 5:01 pm
    No. 2 Cord Jefferson, MollyGood says:

    BA,
    Wealthy people aren't bad, and I would never try to argue that. People who've been given no limits are bad.
    Best,
    Cord

    Posted: May 31, 2007 at 5:07 pm
    No. 3 moonmaid says:

    I almost feel sorry for this guy.
    Almost.
    Can he really be unaware of how uttlerly repugnant and vile he is?
    Will he ever, ever do one worthwhile thing in his life?
    And how the hell did he ever get Mischa Barton to sleep with him? (then again, she slept with ol' Saggy Balls)

    Great writing, I love your site.

    Posted: Jun 1, 2007 at 12:38 am
    No. 4 Becca says:

    I like that this is tagged as "Sad Bastard".

    Posted: Jun 1, 2007 at 1:03 am
    No. 5 JL says:

    why is he always sweaty?? disgusting.

    Posted: Jun 4, 2007 at 12:54 pm
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