Punchline Steve Guttenberg is going to release a book of memoirs about his early years in Hollywood. According to a recent interview he gave to Daily News gossip Ben Widdicombe, the Police Academy actor's stories promise to be lurid ones of myriad sexual dalliances.
"I was 19 years old at a club on the Sunset Strip called Gazzari's," the Brooklyn native, now 49, told me.
He was invited home by an older lady, who promptly requested to be tied up. "She opened the closet and had like 55 outfits, with ropes and everything," Guttenberg recalled. He secured her to the four-poster bed, only to have to run out to a drugstore to get "protection."
"So I got the protection, along with flowers and candy and little sandwiches," the "Police Academy" star said. But when he returned to the apartment complex, he couldn't even remember which tower she lived in, let alone her floor or apartment number.
"So I went home and left her tied up," he recalled.
So, if you found your mother bound to her bed three decades ago in Los Angeles, it wasn't a robbery like she told you, she was about to have sex with Steve Guttenberg. Sue him for the cost of therapy.
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He's still alive?
He's starting to look like Albert Brooks. He must be going broke. Who's really going to buy this book? A book written by a guy who was made famous by the Police Academy movies.
That's what I immediately though, Kitchy.
I feel this post is for me,you like me. You really, like me. I don't want to be an, I told you so, Sally. But I told you so. The time of The Gute, is finally upon us. I'm so glad I saved my secret shrine of all things Guttenberg.
Where did I stick my Cocoon and Short Circuit posters? I think they may be beind my Johnny Fever, statue. Careful, it's made of paper mache and rigatoni.
He looks like your friends creepy dad from high school that would have one too many beers and then tell you that story to impress you while he drove you home after dinner. And possibly put his hand on your leg in a moment of tipsy bravery.
Barb.. i think that was just you sweetie…
They are behind your 3 men and a baby posters. Oh hey! I just checked IMDB. The Gutt is in Jessica Simpson's new movie; Major Movie Star! That movie just keeps getting more and more appealing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Barbara, that just grossed me out thoroughly. Or perhaps brushed his hand acrossed your bosom trying to reach in the glovebox.
That was a lovely short story.
So that craptacular movie with not only have Jessica and Vivica, but also Guttenberg. Movie magic is unfolding before our very eyes.
Thanks for the tip. I'm sure it's back there.
How to Know You'll Never Be an Oscar Winner:
Your new movie also stars Steve Guttenberg and Vivica A. Fox.
Lemme know if you find it, I'll trade you a "Police Academy: Citizens on Patrol" poster and "Major Movie star" poster for it. I also think, from here on out, Steve should be referred to as "The Gutt" much like David Hasselhof is "The Hoff"
LOL April - you're probably right.
What the hell is up with "little sandwiches"?
More importantly, the kind of woman who wants to be tied to a bed isn't looking for flowers from a guy like The Gute. Trust me, I know.
Das Gute!!! RE ASSEMBLE CAREER! hooray!
This time last week there was a revolution in the works!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ladies, save your eloquent barbs for a more worthy foe. No, no, no, no, no. Steve Guttenberg is to be revered. If there was any justice Son this decaying orb we call planet Earth Mr Guttenberg would be 'The Gutt' and 'The Hoff' would be stripped of 'The' status (as a 'The' is pop-culture knighthood, for realz). 'The Gutt' forever. Step off, if you do not agree.
I don't know if it's appropriate to be rebelling on a day you've been thrown a Gutte Bone? I'm not all punk like Avril.
Don't 'Enberg The Gutte!
OMG. The Tell-all. The cheapest comeback around.
But he was cute. And harmless. That story is kind of funny. She should have not been so celeb-obsessed. Kinda her fault, you know? And to not have condoms? Stupid ass.
Honestly who lets a random guy tie them up and then say "I'll be right back" without asking to be untied? I smell a lawsuit. It smells wonky.
you gotta give her a break - this story is 30 years old.. people didnt use condoms like they did today, aids did not exist.
the real question is wno who doenst have condoms, but who the fucks the Gutt?
Well, how long does it take to get little sandwhiches and condoms? It's not like a full size sandwhich so you think, 5-10 minutes, max.
I would hit it. His body made me a promise.
depends, was it hot little sandwiches or cold little sandwiches? did he get everything on it even hotts? even in small portions, shit takes time.
You just can't put the same amount of meat and condiments and it would be much less heating time. He doesn't even say how many, that could make a difference. I do like that he took the time to get this hussy some flowers.
April, between "depends" and "shit takes time" your comment has completely changed this story for me….is HE the a lister who's into coprophagia???
If I meet you at a bar and take you home to tie me up- one thing is for sure- I am not in it for the flowers and chocolate. That ship would undeniably sail as soon as the ropes and cuffs fell out of my closet.
Thats what I'm sayin
I call bullship. I like my typo. I think he saw all that stuff and got scared when she asked him to talk dirty, he got scared. "Little Sandwhiches", my ass.
Playla they had to be on the A-List, not just on "A List."
ha ha ha i'm so funny.
I thought it was a member of the A-Team? I was going to say Mr. T. But I know he's here and I didn't want him to kick my ass.
Sar, you are a comic genius.
And Guttenberg eats old lady poop.
It's not Peppard, he's too busy in my dreams travelling back to 1972 and stripping for me.
Mr. T is one part gold, two parts muscle, one part anger and NO PARTS JIBBA JABBA!
He was another hot 70's piece. They didn't have manscaping but they were definitely not using the styling gel. I'm looking directly at you Zack.
Can I just say this is one of those moments in life I could really use the A-Team theme cued and ready to go. I often have moments like that but this is the first time it would have been appropriate.
please let him be, because i can live in a world where the Gutt is a shit eating A-lister, but I can't live in a world where Clooney is
Maybe he was out getting the bread for his shit sandwhich. It all comes together, cornophagia star revealed. DONE.
I know I threw the Gutte under the white van here. I had a choice to make, let the judging begin.
no judgement here - toss away. anyone but george.
the Gutte's body is a wonderland.
The rumor that J.May wrote that song about J.Lo.Hew is oscar mayer b-o-l-o-g-n-a.
We all know it was about The Gutte. The T in The should be capitalized right?
I kind of think if the "t" in "the" is lower caps, it gives more emphasis of the power of Gutte!
Who is going to buy this, though? This will go straight to the clearance rack!
I know I threw him under the scientology bus but it is still my asserstion that today's movies need more, Gutte.
I choose lower case t's. tt hmm TT. I can't choose now. Gutte or GUTTE! What a quandry.
def GUTTE! but alwasy the "!"
I think your right. Capital it is. It's very manly and Guttenesque.
It totally just hit me that John Mayer has always dated hot properties. Vanessa Carlton, Michelle branch, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Why were we so shocked about Jessica Simpson? (She ponders thoughtfully, about 2 years too late).
Vanessa Carlton was hot? Neeeeiggghhh.
After Merv Griffen died, they had him on the radio to talk about it. How random is that?
If Al Brooks and the kid from Leave it to Beaver had a love child it would look like this.
…I said Al, I meant Mel. Sorry.
But Al Brooks works too.
You can call me, Al.
And don't miss his directorial debut, PS Your Cat Is Dead!