Before the cast and crew of WWII drama Valkyrie began shooting at a particularly important historical site, the film’s star, Tom Cruise, had asked that everyone working on the film observe one minute of silence in honor of the heroes of war they were about to portray. When, during the minute, someone passed gas, Cruise stormed off the set in a rage, and he is now on a hunt to have the unknown fartmonger fired.
“Quite rightly, Tom is furious. We were filming at the Bendler Block in Germany where the anti-Nazis were executed.”
The source said Cruise decided to ask for the minute’s silence to show respect for the deceased and appease the German government, who only allowed the movie to be filmed if post-war Germany was shown in a positive light.
The source added: “So for somebody to pass wind in a situation like that is unforgivable.”
The silence was filmed and now Cruise and the producers will go through the footage to identify the culprit, who is likely to be fired.
As the hunt for the gassassin ensues, allow us to remind Mr Cruise: Whoever smelt it dealt it.
[Source]
Editor
The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word “definitely” in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, “Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?”
The Teacher says, “Of course not Johnny,”
To which Johnny replies, “Then I have definitely s**t my pants”.
/Cruise stinks
//holding farts is not good for you
Obviously, this is starting out to be a slow news day. Indignant outrage over a FART? Oh, TommyGirl, you need to get a grip.
tom is just mad because katie left her strap on at home.
Ha ha ha ha hah ah ah aha ha.
(breathe)
AAAAAAAAAAA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Fartz are fuuuuuuunny.
Always.
Hey was Kate and Suri there that day maybe it was little Suri. That would have been funny if his daughter did it so he got fired.
Somebody must have had way too many carbonated Tom-Ba’s. They make me pretty gassy too.
That’s right. You can never stray from that truism.
If you bitches cared about the fallen soldiers you’d never pass gas another day in your life, you insensitive nasty old rags.
LOL!!!!! What a gas!
This is discrimination against those of us who never learned to hold our gas. Hmph.
“gassassin” - CORD, YOU RULE!
I am positively HEARTBROKEN this is not a haiku challenge. OMG, I submit that we should just write them anyways, just for the pure joy and titillating topic.
Question: How can a piece of shit complain about farts?
This guy is getting FIRED? Tom is just so lucky to have a fucking acting job, period, no? I mean, wasn’t he all but blacklisted?
Farting is not appropriate but jumping up and down on people’s couches is?
Fucking farting is natural - doesn’t he criticize using meds for ailments, a la brook shields? And yet he obviously is pro anti-fart meds.
Fucking Loser.
I guess by the time farts waft up to Xenu, they are more dangerous or something. LOL
First I can’t poop, now
I’m not supposed to fart. Lack
of humanity.
better:
Restricted from poop,
now banned from farts. Now I know
why models don’t eat.
I can’t believe someone is going to get fired for farting in the Bendlerblock. Now, if they did it in Dachau it might be in bad taste.
Beano and Xenu
Sitting in a tree, F-A
R-T-I-N-G
(I’m hungover)
I love it, eeks.
omg, ‘gassassin’!!!!!!
Nature or Nuture?
Paycheck or grief. Solution?
Pull Hubbard’s finger
thanks, Janice! :-)
Infuriated?
No shit! Sounds more like he is
Infartiated.
I’m still hungover.
I think Tom farted himself and trying to cover by searching for the farterer. I did the same when I farted in class. I believe Tom is ugly, doesnt have an acting capacity as well as not being cool at all. I cant believe this idiot is one of hollywood celebrities.
THIS FART WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN 5-4-3-2-1 BLEWP
YOU HAD ME AT HELLO UNTIL YOU FARTED
i wonder if he punishes kati and suryp for farting in the house, ttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, your fired
He doesn’t mind shilling for a money-grubbing, life-destroying cult, but he has a hissy fit when someone farts. Shows where this snirking dwarf has his priorities.
I never was good at math…You might update your Cruise material. The latest is his multi-million dollar fallout shelter under the house with it’s own oxygen filtration system that is f.a.r.t. ready.
let’s play back the footage……zoom in 10….hold it, give me close up on the middle four…hold it…..I need audio….hold it….give me silence but not deadly, and you better hold it…..no fingers being pulled….hold it….I need the snicker detector on 5-4-3-2….hold it…zoom in 10 more, we have three in mid grimace…..hmmmmm,….have the crews undies been returned from the lab yet?