Before the cast and crew of WWII drama Valkyrie began shooting at a particularly important historical site, the film’s star, Tom Cruise, had asked that everyone working on the film observe one minute of silence in honor of the heroes of war they were about to portray. When, during the minute, someone passed gas, Cruise stormed off the set in a rage, and he is now on a hunt to have the unknown fartmonger fired.

“Quite rightly, Tom is furious. We were filming at the Bendler Block in Germany where the anti-Nazis were executed.”

The source said Cruise decided to ask for the minute’s silence to show respect for the deceased and appease the German government, who only allowed the movie to be filmed if post-war Germany was shown in a positive light.

The source added: “So for somebody to pass wind in a situation like that is unforgivable.”

The silence was filmed and now Cruise and the producers will go through the footage to identify the culprit, who is likely to be fired.

As the hunt for the gassassin ensues, allow us to remind Mr Cruise: Whoever smelt it dealt it.


Sep 27, 2007 · Link · 26 Responses
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Tagged: Tom Cruise · Movies
Comments (26)

No. 1 maria says:

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word “definitely” in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, “Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?”
The Teacher says, “Of course not Johnny,”
To which Johnny replies, “Then I have definitely s**t my pants”.

/Cruise stinks
//holding farts is not good for you

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 9:10 am
No. 2 evil twin says:

Obviously, this is starting out to be a slow news day. Indignant outrage over a FART? Oh, TommyGirl, you need to get a grip.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 9:13 am
No. 3 deimos says:

tom is just mad because katie left her strap on at home.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 9:41 am
No. 4 LisaNo.1 says:

Ha ha ha ha hah ah ah aha ha.
AAAAAAAAAAA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Fartz are fuuuuuuunny.


Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 9:45 am
No. 5 rachel says:

Hey was Kate and Suri there that day maybe it was little Suri. That would have been funny if his daughter did it so he got fired.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 9:46 am
No. 6 jujubees says:

Somebody must have had way too many carbonated Tom-Ba’s. They make me pretty gassy too.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 9:55 am
No. 7 Surgeonsgirl says:

That’s right. You can never stray from that truism.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 10:04 am
No. 8 sar says:

If you bitches cared about the fallen soldiers you’d never pass gas another day in your life, you insensitive nasty old rags.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 11:46 am
No. 9 southiejpd says:

LOL!!!!! What a gas!

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 11:52 am
No. 10 Other Karen says:

This is discrimination against those of us who never learned to hold our gas. Hmph.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 12:06 pm
No. 11 eeks says:

“gassassin” - CORD, YOU RULE!

I am positively HEARTBROKEN this is not a haiku challenge. OMG, I submit that we should just write them anyways, just for the pure joy and titillating topic.

Question: How can a piece of shit complain about farts?

This guy is getting FIRED? Tom is just so lucky to have a fucking acting job, period, no? I mean, wasn’t he all but blacklisted?

Farting is not appropriate but jumping up and down on people’s couches is?

Fucking farting is natural - doesn’t he criticize using meds for ailments, a la brook shields? And yet he obviously is pro anti-fart meds.

Fucking Loser.

I guess by the time farts waft up to Xenu, they are more dangerous or something. LOL

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 12:51 pm
No. 12 admittedlyaddicted says:

First I can’t poop, now
I’m not supposed to fart. Lack
of humanity.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 1:49 pm
No. 13 admittedlyaddicted says:


Restricted from poop,
now banned from farts. Now I know
why models don’t eat.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 1:52 pm
No. 14 Lily the Pink says:

I can’t believe someone is going to get fired for farting in the Bendlerblock. Now, if they did it in Dachau it might be in bad taste.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 2:04 pm
No. 15 eeks says:

Beano and Xenu
Sitting in a tree, F-A

(I’m hungover)

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 2:11 pm
No. 16 janice says:

I love it, eeks.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 2:13 pm
No. 17 scandelirious says:

omg, ‘gassassin’!!!!!!

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 2:13 pm
No. 18 eeks says:

Nature or Nuture?
Paycheck or grief. Solution?
Pull Hubbard’s finger

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 2:22 pm
No. 19 eeks says:

thanks, Janice! :-)

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 2:23 pm
No. 20 eeks says:

No shit! Sounds more like he is

I’m still hungover.

Posted: Sep 27, 2007 at 3:46 pm
No. 21 volkan says:

I think Tom farted himself and trying to cover by searching for the farterer. I did the same when I farted in class. I believe Tom is ugly, doesnt have an acting capacity as well as not being cool at all. I cant believe this idiot is one of hollywood celebrities.

Posted: Sep 28, 2007 at 2:13 am
No. 22 tiny bubbles says:


Posted: Sep 28, 2007 at 2:35 am
No. 23 tiny bubbles says:


Posted: Sep 28, 2007 at 2:37 am
No. 24 ver says:

i wonder if he punishes kati and suryp for farting in the house, ttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, your fired

Posted: Sep 28, 2007 at 3:49 am
No. 25 Cap'n Bob says:

He doesn’t mind shilling for a money-grubbing, life-destroying cult, but he has a hissy fit when someone farts. Shows where this snirking dwarf has his priorities.

Posted: Sep 28, 2007 at 6:33 pm
No. 26 eric swan says:

I never was good at math…You might update your Cruise material. The latest is his multi-million dollar fallout shelter under the house with it’s own oxygen filtration system that is f.a.r.t. ready.

Posted: Sep 29, 2007 at 6:19 am
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