Boremonism

It just got a little harder to hook up with a third child bride in Utah.

On Wednesday, Utah will be the only state to ban the sale of fruity alcoholic drinks at grocery stores and convenience stores in an effort to keep them from minors. Those drinks also must have new state-approved labels on the front of the product that contain capitalized letters in bold type telling consumers the drinks contain alcohol and at what percentage.

Because it's completely cost ineffective for alcohol producers to create new labels for bottles sold in a single, hyper-religious state, it's presumed that Utah's Zima and Smirnoff Ice supply will go away for good after its current stock runs out. What a crappy world. But there is a silver lining:

Republican Gov. Jon Huntsman said banning products like … Seagram's Fuzzy Navel from grocery stores would harm Utah's image, but agreed to it in exchange for increasing the amount of liquor allowed in shots and standard cocktails to 1.5 ounces, up from 1 ounce.

That's politics that works: do it for the good of the shots.

Oct 1, 2008 · posted by Cord Jefferson, MollyGood · Link · 32 Responses
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Comments (32)

No. 1 sar says:

I guess in Utah the grocery stores are flooded with children doing the family shopping. Grocery stores are a gateway mart - next thing you know it's Chick Fil A, then the gas station, and then of course, Shady Mikey down on the corner.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 10:12 am
No. 2 April says:

now kids will have to learn to drink like the rest of us… from straight vodka in a poland springs bottle.

memories…

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 10:17 am
No. 3 Melissa says:

I wish my hometown had done this because I still get cravings for Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill and that's not right.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 10:44 am
No. 4 PoopSandwich says:

I'm confused….how will not selling Seagrams Fuzzy Navel harm Utah's image? I can think of a few other things that have harmed Utah's image a lot more than that, but hey, what do I know?

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 10:48 am
No. 5 deimos says:

straight vodka? i always filled my water bottle with peppermint schnapps.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 10:54 am
No. 6 Lisa (#1) says:

I think the real question is how the increase in shot size affects your Weight Watcher's points.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 10:58 am
No. 7 Keeblerkahn says:

Smirnoff has a grape flavored one that is pure adult Kool-Aid. I'm talking tasty to the tenth power. Those poor kids in Utah are going to have no idea what they are missing.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 11:03 am
No. 8 April says:

arent you fancy. we usually filled our poland springs bottle with poland springs vodka, or president's choice, whatever the homeless guy who slept in the alley would buy us.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 11:08 am
No. 9 deimos says:

i just liked having minty fresh breath all the time.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 11:21 am
No. 10 mirsada says:

Strange in my state they don't sell liquor, or cigarettes for that matter to minors, there's like an age ban or something.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 11:48 am
No. 11 mirsada says:

Strange in my state they don't sell liquor, or cigarettes for that matter to minors, there's like an age ban or something.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 11:48 am
No. 12 rumour has it says:

Man, you guys got it nice. Up here in Canada (depending on which province you live in), we can only buy booze from government owned liquor stores or from licensed private cold beer and wine stores. The gov't liquor stores are closed on Sundays and the cold beer and wine stores are usually open 7 days a week and opened later, but have a smaller selection and higher prices.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 12:22 pm
No. 13 Another says:

Utah is the only state to ban this, huh? Pennsylvania's been doing this for at least eight years (since I've lived here). We have similar rules to Canada, apparently, based on rumor has it's comment.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 1:03 pm
No. 14 killorn says:

And the stickers will read

WARNING: MAY MAKE YOU DO WEIRD THINGS IN THE BACK OF A JEEP CHEROKEE

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 2:11 pm
No. 15 oilybohunk7 says:

Rumor has it you, get a two year jump on us though! I made several overnight boozy trips across the border to Windsor prior to turning 21. It was a great time.

In my underage days we always used to drink Zimas with Jolly Ranchers dumped in them. Other than that I worked with a guy who's parents moved and left their liquor cabinent behind for him. They had quite an extensive selection. I drank better back then than I do now!

I don't really see the need to ban those sort of drinks from grocery stores. Clerks should know they are alcoholic and check IDs no matter where they are sold.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 2:59 pm
No. 16 Addicted to Addiction says:

Yeah, really. I think a better solution is to hire employees who can read. This is like taking porn out of stores because the clerks thought they were pregnancy magazines. Get real!

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 3:03 pm
No. 17 oilybohunk7 says:

My dad is a cop and he used to do background checks for liquor licenses and investigations. To conduct investigations he would pay teens (normally other officer's kids) that were 18-19 and take them to stores to see if they would be sold to. Most of the stores he went to had complaints filed against them for selling to minors. You had to wear what you would normally wear, if they asked for ID you had to give it to them and you couldn't lie. I went with my dad once and went to 12 places. Three places sold to me. All three asked for and looked at my ID. If you are dumb enough to sell to someone who's ID says UNDER 21 in red letters right on it than you have some problems! The problem isn't where liquor is sold it is the employees!

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 4:10 pm
No. 18 rumour has it says:

oilybohunk7, I live near the US/Canada border (as does like 70% of the Canadian population)and when I was younger and going to the clubs, there were always lots of Americans under 21 from Washington State. Ahh youth.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 4:12 pm
No. 19 rumour has it says:

And I'm having problems posting on MG today.

I was going to add, we may be ahead in the legal drinking age area, but we have these Victorian rules about no booze sold on Sundays and no drinking in public.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 4:15 pm
No. 20 oilybohunk7 says:

I befriended some Canadians and if I remember right your driving laws were quite stict as well. I think I jusr romanticize Canada because I always had so much fun there! In Michigan we can buy booze on Sundays but not cars. Crazy!

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 4:36 pm
No. 21 queencrone says:

Does any one remember that guy that took his kid to a baseball game, and bought his kid a hot dog and a Mike's Hard Lemonaide?

He had no idea that it was alcoholic.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 5:20 pm
No. 22 oilybohunk7 says:

Queen I don't remember that! I wonder what he thought the "Hard" was in reference to? That is too funny.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 5:26 pm
No. 23 oilybohunk7 says:

Maybe they should have named it "Mike's Ten of These Will Get You Drunk Lemonade".

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 5:34 pm
No. 24 ManBearPig says:

Don't worry, we'll move our habits from fruit drinks to crystal meth and babies.

Not that I live here.. there.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 5:54 pm
No. 25 rumour has it says:

Oh man that reminds me! I discovered while disco bowling last month that the Mikes Hard Cranberry Lemonade is deeeeee-lish-us!

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 6:22 pm
No. 26 queencrone says:

Yeah, oilybohunk7, the police showed up at the stadium and took custody of the kid until they could investigate. I think the kid was returned after a couple of hours, and after the authorities made some sort of home visit.

I felt bad for the dad, because when my son was a minor (he was 17), he was doing some yard work and it was a hot day. So I go to the store and get a 6-pack of St. Pauly Girl, which I thought was non-alcoholic beer.

Now, they DO make a non-alcoholic beer, but they also make regular beer. I had no idea.

He drank 3 bottles of beer before he told me that these were the regular beer.

I thought he was just real thirsty that day.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 6:49 pm
No. 27 queencrone says:

I am going to try that hard cranberry-lemonaide,
rumour has it.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 6:51 pm
No. 28 oilybohunk7 says:

Queen that is funny! I can't believe he came clean with you!

When I was 19 I went to my grandparent's for dinner and she had a glass of wine waiting for me. I had to politely decline. I'd hate to have my grammy busted for contributing to the delinquency of a minor!

The Mike's Pomegranate is also d-lish!

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 7:00 pm
No. 29 queencrone says:

Now, oilybohunk7, you don't have to say, but when it was time to clear the dishes and clean the kitchen, didn't you just SAMPLE the wine? Just a little taste?

I mean that was the ONLY reason why I EVER volunteered for kitchen duty at family gatherings.

Also, I think the only reason son came clean with me is because I had worked in the yard right along side him. I was thirsty, and I reached for
what I thought was a non-alcoholic brew. THAT'S when he mentions it. :-)

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 9:07 pm
No. 30 rumour has it says:

Oilybohunk7 - I don't know about the rest of Canada, but in BC our driving laws have become stricter (is that even a word?). New drivers have to put this big magnet on the back of their car that has a black N on a green background for I think the first 6 months to a year. Yep, it sure makes them driver safer.

I feel like Drew Barrymore after reading the last few posts. My parents are Portuguese, so it is common in that culture to permit your children to drink alcohol. I had tried wine and shanties (which is beer mixed with gingerale) when I was a child and teenager. I did not like the taste of either at the time and was not interested in drinking alcohol as a teenager from these experiences.

Now as an adult, I do enjoy drinking, but I can also go without drinking for months. I don't know if that is a result of my parents' choice to introduce alcohol to us at an early age to show us that alcohol was not something to make a big production over or if it's just my nature.

queencrone - if it makes you feel any better, one of my brothers had the ability to grow a beard by just thinking about it, which made him look older than he was. So when he was about 16 or 17, my father took advantage of his gift and when he was too busy to get to the liquor store, he'd send my brother to go pick up alcohol for him.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 10:28 pm
No. 31 oilybohunk7 says:

Aaahh, I see, so he had a feeling he would be busted anyway! Sounds like you have a smart kid!

I don't mind telling you, I didn't sample it. It wasn't that I was an angel, because I wasn't, at that point I had more than an introduction to alcohol. I didn't want my grandma to be involved though. :)

My grandparents are really liberal. They took my brother and I on vacation and we went to Miller-Town in Milwaukee. I was 11ish and my brother was 14. We were both allowed to sample the beer but I didn't partake. My brother did.

I live in Michigan so all of my trips to Canada have been to Ontario. The people I met were telling me about a graduated driver's license system that was stricter (I do believe it is a word, I had more strict but that just doesn't seem right) than Michigan's. It required more classroom education and driving experience before drivers were turned loose.

I think magnets on the back of cars are a good idea! I live close to a high school and I would really like to be warned ahead of time when I'm sharing the road with them. Their driving definitely needs some work!

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 10:49 pm
No. 32 peppermintgum says:

That is what I love about Montreal (and Quebec in general). All the laws are just suggestions! Red lights mean "slow down," stop signs mean "try not to hit anyone as you speed through me!" and a drinking and smoking age limit is laughable.

Posted: Oct 1, 2008 at 11:55 pm
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