i love hand bags just as much as the next broads, but i do not love that. i don't even like it. its like peeing in my eye.

I can't even think of a kid who would like that shit. messed and for some reason it reminds me of a popcycle…

You guys, we have to save Michelle Obama's eyes from being peed in. Does anyone know any UPS or FedEx couriers that can intercept this package and throw it off an overpass?

sorry that should have said popsicle! Damn it's been a long day

My daughter has a purse kind of like that. She is 5. Enough said.

That looks like candy. Is it edible?

Are we sure the soldiers aren't supposed to use that to hold water?

or PEE.

If it was actually afforadable… I would wear it. But I wore a whistle shaped like a bird to a friend's wedding… shut up, I was still the best-dressed there. It made my sweet-ass lace dress kinda fun. Everyone else was wearing Bebe. Ew.

This is very, very different from a bird-shaped whistle. That actually sounds very cute. But no, you would not wear this. I can't think that way of you… it would change everything.

I know you're kidding.
Yeah, you're just kidding.

Ilz was totally kidding when she said that, y'all.

I actually love it. But I love you more. I would ditch it to hang out with you. And the bird-shaped whistle is like the size of my fist. NOBODY I have ever met likes it. But, it just makes me like it more….

It's gonna be awkward when Michelle Obama never wears the purse.

Jeebus willing.

I agree with Kelso. The first thing I thought about when I saw that purse was those red white and blue popsicles I used to get from the ice cream truck.

I believe it's popcycles, Luz. (no joke that made me giggle audibly)

astro pops, i believe they're called

Beads turn me off more than fart noises.

I like beads. Just not these ones. I like fart noises, too.

That doesn't mean I like farts, though. So you can all just stop thinking that right now.

I still laugh at fart noises. Love 'em, too, Sarah. Just the NOISE.

I don't like beads, or fart noises, or farts, or press on nails, or the fact that Arrested Development got cancelled, or Mitt Romney, or the hammer dulcimer as an instrument. So you can all stop thinking that right now!!

It's a canteen that would make The Messiah flinch with all the garnish proud USA decorations he deplores.. How sad for him to have to somehow endorse this cheap ol' bag.. not his wife, when he is SO ASHAMED OF AMERICA, all for not being rich and filled with goods, and all for killing babies and giving us over to the terrorists to censor, enslave, loot, pillage, plunder and destroy so all men are equally poor and destitute under the dictators.. yay, no freedom, yay revolutions.

Oh, Gumball. What would I do without you? You're dreamy.

*sigh*

gumball, you're right. I was trying to think of who it was that Obama reminded me of. Now I got it: Kim Jong-il. Spot-on.

If a small garish handbag does this to gumball, I don't want to know what a Rorschach test will do.

I'm calling it The Canteen of Liberty. I'll be filling mine with a refreshing alcoholic beverage.

Good call gumball! (the canteen part, I didn't read the other stuff.)

It's good thing toddlers can't vote, this purse is a choking hazard.

When you make fun of this purse, the terrorists win!

I need a peppermint candy. Does anyone have a peppermint candy? I might have one in my purse.

It does look lie a popsicle… like a soap-dispenser… like candy… like a canteen… that's why it's the sweetness.
Playful clothing is the greatest.

And lets not even get into the things we could use those beads for.

See, Ilnaz, this is why it's so great that you're Canadian. In the states, we see tchotchkes like this all the time. Maybe I just don't appreciate it the way you do. Which I can only hope is an ironic way. Or figuratively.

Fart noises rule, and so do beads, and QC I think you should not think of those two things together.

QC you are making me think of those blotto college times talking like that. I kind of like it though. Just be sure to keep your voice down, I don't want the kids knowing their mommy used to be a slut.
Sarah good use of the word tchotchkes.

Are the children still awake? I'll keep my voice down.

We don't need to be getting into these harsh hassles:

"How do you think you got here?"

Or my personal favorite:

"Do as I say not as I did, but if you do like I think you are going to do, take these condoms with you"

I feel like keeping it mellow tonight.

Yes! Good one. Are your kids Latin freak dancers? Beacuse you should give them some condoms, if ya got 'em.

And sluts are cool. Please don't tell your kids I said that, though.

Thank you, Payter. I have a word-of-the-day calendar and I use it well. It's the only way I can fool people into thinking I'm a smarty-pants.

I should not have said that… I'm ruining the illusion…Dammit.

Next week is the convention.

Get the babysitters lined up!

The babysitters just call their paramours just as soon as you drive away. And then they makeout in your living room. Hopefully they keep it in the living room.

(Remember?!)

Remember? I'm doing it right now.

No, I'm not. My husband is asleep.

Actually, I'd prefer that they do what they do in a place where the sheets can be changed. My living room is not so easy to clean up. Zippered cushions that require dry-cleaning, my cat's eyeballs needing to be - well, I guess there's nothing I can do about that.

Nothing scared me like old people talking about their libido.
And sluts ain't cool.

*scares
That's right.

Ilz, you are right. I'll probably spend the whole day apologizing for inappropriate, gross or mean things I said to people last night, both here and all over my town.

Sluts are DEFINITELY not cool. I never said I was.

On second thought, who says I'm old? I get to talk about my libido. I'm not old.

Huh. Turns out I'm bad-tempered when I'm hungover. Good to know. I'll come back when I've detoxed. Then you will love me again, Ilnaz.

Queencrone is. How do you think she earned the coveted title?
And there are plenty of cool sluts. Not my a cool trait, but that's my opinion.

And old people get to talk about their libido, too.

Please tell me I'm cool, Ilnaz. I really need for you to tell me that right now.
*rocking and crying, rocking and crying*

I think you are super cool. I'm not just saying this to be nice. You are so, so funny.
I come here because people like you cheer me up. OF COURSE I THINK YOU'RE COOL. And I love you even though you are a total ho.

Now get out of your jammies to jam out with your clam out, cunt.

*wiping a tear, smiling shakily*
Okay.
Thanks, Cunt. I will.

But…
*courage and sense of self coming back*

Only if you show my Jammies the respect they deserve by capitalizing appropriately when you speak of them.

Now, then. Let the clam jamming begin!

I used to have a libido. I remember clearly that libido. Where did I put it?

It still may be around here somewhere….

On second thought, it may be in one of those boxes that I donated to the goodwill last year.

Oh!! LOOK AT THIS!! Here is my beer.

What was I looking for again?

:-)

QC it's not uncommon to find one's libido at the bottom of a beer. Keep looking.