Today's news is doing wonders for my diet. Between douche George, tool Bono, and Britney's pancake boobs, I am all set to not eat again until next Thursday at the earliest.

So the AP sold out, is what you're saying.

Give into the pain Cord.

Would it be too much to ask if I can get some kind of cliff notes of Cords inner dialogue? And number 2, those breasts are so wonky it's like they are expressing what's going on inside her head. They are an expression of her inner madness.

Dear Cord:

Get a job at salon.com or a microfinance project serving Bangladesh. Life is too short to complain to the people that just want to look at her nasty cooter - that's why we're here.

Peace be with you, Cord. At least once a day, I have a heated internal monologue during which I bellow, “What the fuck am I doing reading about Britney Fucking Spears AGAIN?"
But then I do it anyway.

DO NOT TAKE THE NAME OF COOTER IN VAIN LIKE THAT. It just makes me so angry

I think Britney Spears is important on many levels. Her very existance as a celebrity says a lot about our culture. Where have the values in our society gone when women pimp out their children so that they may live in the lap of luxury? Where is the moral compass of America at when we care more about Britney's vagina than the faulty governments in Africa that refuse to take care of thier people or the deplorable working conditions perputrated by the diamond industry in South Africa? Why do we let unstable women trapes around constantly procreating and producing children that they cannot / will not parent properly? She's an idiot that is true, but I think we can learn a lot about our society and where we are as a nation because you have write about Britney Fucking Spears again.

My eternal internal monologue is "Why the fuck is Bunnie posting about Britney again, why the fuck am I reading it again, and WHY THE FUCK AM I POSTING ABOUT IT AGAIN??"

And then I dive in head first.

…that and crazy people are always funny.

My inner dialogue says, my mac keys are so shiny. I wonder if Zac wears maybelline or loreal?

THANK YOU JUJU!!! DAMN!!!!

Poor George and Bono got left behind for Britney.

Actually, that's kinda fun. Spit in yer eye, George. You made fun of Britney's sister and look what it got ya - pushed back on the publicity monitor. Neener neener neener.

Nobody puts cooter in the corner.

Now I've……
had
the time of my life
Sorry everthing is a song today.

Karaoke day at, Mollygood. I'll be singing my rendition of Journey's,
Open Arms. Your welcome.

I would like to get all of these people in an auditorium who think she is TOP priority and wave my shame finger at them and shout "FOR SHAME, FOR SHAME…" For them missing the bus on what should be important to people.

…and then proceed to exit the building locking them all inside and blowing it up.

Actually, Blah, she does not mirror young women nowadays. It's unfortunate that people think she does because people keep lowering the bar to "adjust to our times."

God I hope she doesn't mirror young women today! I was mainly talking about how people idolized her, both kids and parents alike. Remember how parents wanted thier kids to look up to this girl? About when she was younger and how we as a culture seem to be so obsessed with her when in the grand scheme of things, there are probably a million other things we should be concerned with. Today, we are not obsessed with her because of her music or talent, but we are that way because she is a trainwreck falling apart in front of us.

Yeah. I'm over this twat now. No sympathy. She has her chance. Even her tits are trying to escape her loopy ass

*had* her chance I mean

There goes BeA trying to subconsciously give Britney another chance.

Im not going to bag on her boobs. Mine are virtually non-existant so good for her. At least they are real folks.

I have a jacket extremely similiar to the one she is wearing. I am going to burn it.

Make sure you bury the ashes so it can't come back.

I've always wondered - she can never keep her straps up on anything that she wears. Is she doing it on purpose? Does nothing fit her? Why do I keep looking at her bewbies? Help.

Britney defines the term "ill-fitting"

The receding hairline, the pot belly, the stains on her clothes, it's becoming more and more apparent…she is morphing into Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

maybe if she wasnt given so much publicity and hounded by the paparazzi day in and day out she could actually get herself well. People seem to forget she is human. Treat her like one.

So, the paparazzi is keeping her from taking a shower and wearing clean clothes?

juju, she took her bath when her tears washed her after her last pack of cigs was empty.

(Side note: I would have less sympathy for her if I thought she was just fucking up…but I really think the girl has some serious mental issues, and I can't bag on her for that. I kinda wish everyone would leave her alone to get better, but at the same time I want to know what the crazy bitch is doing, so…judge lest ye be judged, or something like that.)

Will someone please lead Britney to the Grand Canyon, toss a bag of Cheetos and a venti double mocha caramel cellulite Frappucino over the side, and rid the world of her stupidity? Please? Do it for the children.

I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and something, cheetos, way.

Dearest Britney,
Here's a token to the suicide booth. No need to repay me. It's totally my treat.

Regards,
The rest of the world