Radar magazine just debuted Spencer Pratt's latest endeavor: an advice column. It's as ridiculous as you would expect, with such gems as "I flipped a couple haters at Benihana just last night" and "Treat [your girlfriend] like a princess — it's only for a weekend."
So inquiring minds want to know: Who wouldn't want to take advice from Spencer?
He goes on to address the haters, the mother-daughter bond and a bed-wetting problem. All his words of wisdom after the jump.
YO SPENCER! I just started dating this guy who I really like. The other night, we went out and got hammered. I ended up passing out in his bed. When I woke up, I discovered that I had wet the bed. I was so embarrassed that I left while he was still asleep. If I call him, do I have to apologize or can I pretend it never happened? Or do I have to wait for him to call me?Wow! This is a situation you do not want to find yourself in. I personally would never want to be with a girl who gets so wasted that she's pissing in bed. It's time to sign up for AA, my dear, because drunks are not sexy. Regardless, if the guy's really, really, really cool, he might understand. But I wouldn't count on it. Best bet is to be honest and tell him that was the drunkest you've ever been and that it was a huge mistake and it'll never happen again. And make sure you buy him new sheets.
YO SPENCER! I've met my girlfriend's mother once and she really didn't like me. We're going to spend the weekend with her whole family and I need to win her over. What can I do to charm her?
The mother–daughter relationship is the tightest bond in history. You got beef with the mom, you got beef with the daughter. I would definitely say that when I first met Heidi's mother, she wasn't sure of me. I wasn't on my game plan. If I could've done it over, I would've bought her mom chocolate and flowers. You need to be on your best game in terms of manners, language. Bring the saint inside of you out. Treat her daughter like a princess—it's only for a weekend.
YO SPENCER! How do you deal with weak people and haters?
With weak people, you can only try to give them confidence and pump them up. To be honest, you don't need them around you. I try to put myself around really strong people. Haters you should love. Hatred stems from jealousy at some point. If people aren't hating on you, they don't care, and if they don't care, that means you're not doing anything right. I love my haters. I don't hate them back at all. You can turn so many haters around once they meet you. I'm like, 'Thanks, I get it, I'm an idiot,' and they're like, 'Woo! He's an idiot! He's so cool!' I flipped a couple haters at Benihana just last night.
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Editor
I think he meant he "tipped a couple of waiters at Benihanas."
Also, I am pretty sure hatred doesn't stem from jealousy. I am not jealous of Joe Francis.
Do you think when he flips them he really means that he got Heidi to give them lap dances?
what a toad. i have drunk-peed the bed and I am not going to AA or replacing my beautiful sheets. And my boyfriend still knows I am hot. What is a little piss? hahahaha
I hate Spencer and he can't flip me.
I'm not cool with either gender peeing the bed -mostly because it ruins the mattress (unless you have a rubber sheet down already.)
That being said I think that accidentally peeing the bed after you have passed out is WAY more acceptable than peeing against a wall. One is an accident, the other is an affirmative choice (even if drunk) to not pee in a toilet. (Granted, sometimes there are crazy emergencies.)
Point is, Spencer seems like the type of douche who would have A beer and think it's funny to pee against a building.
And write his name on previously mentioned wall.
And his agent's name and number.
followed by "please pay attention to me"
Sleep pissing is at least funnier. By sleep pissing I mean when some guy was spooning with one of my roommates at the time, got up in the middle of the night, and proceeded to piss in her closet. She lost a lot of shoes. Her mattress was fine, though.
Don't be jealous, hater. He'll flip your ass.
Frowny, oh man! One time my brother was home from college, he came home drunk, walked into my room and peed in my closet. Into my hamper, lifted up the top and everything. That shit was so funny! He thought he was in my bathroom, which was the next door dowm.
Spencer is the next Dalai Lama. Trust.
PFFFFTTT, I drunk-pee the bed on occasion, but I prefer to drunk-pee on my sister-in-law's couch that she "loaned" us. My toddler has first dibs for peeing in the bed, so usually I just blame her for drunken-piss moments.
One time two of my friends and I came home from a night of drinking. I decided that I would make us all some drunky munchies and decided to put in a frozen pizza. I passed out drunk on the bed and about an hour later we all woke up to the smell of smoke billowing out of the oven. I'm not allowed in the frozen food isle anymore.